[ggtina]

The last few days have been hell for me I feel like I am about to crash after a few month of coasting along enjoying the ride.

So here's hoping they kick in fast.

[ggtina]

And my pdoc at my last appt told me to stop taking the Zoloft all together.

I am going to call my pdoc's office later today to find out when my next appt is to. Atleast I am pretty sure I scheduled one at my last appt.

[ggtina]

I should probably look up some AA meetings to so I don't resort to self medicating with Alcohol again. FML in 2 days I will hit my 5 month anniversary of being sober.

[ggtina]

And in all the midst of this I am losing my apartment/room at the end of the month. I have no job I am in school right now taking advantage of the post 9/11 gi bill I received from being in the Navy back in 2002-2006. I got kicked out for not coping/trying to kill myself after being put on Zoloft. Was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. They were somewhat correct.

My one dog (4 1/2 lb Chihuahua) bit someone 2 days in a row (2 different people). One being my sister.

My mom wants me to move in with her and my sister if she can find another apartment to move into. There is ton's of bull **** drama going on with my mom. She doesn't wan't my 4 1/2 lb Chihuahua to move in with us though. (There is a really good reason for this) I just choose not to discuss it right now.

So needless to say I am having bad thoughts of killing my dog There totally irrational. I cry when this is happening and just hold on tight to him. I have thought about trying to find a Chihuahua rescue group for him. Thought about asking his breeder to take him back (good friend of mine) even though she lives 10 hours away. We used to be next door neighbors. Maybe my stupid ex husband could take him in.

Which leads me to my other issue. My other Chihuahua. The one we got after my first one. It would break my heart to separate them. It just sucks.

A part of me is just hoping I find a place that I can afford and be able to keep them both with me. It's just money is going to be so damn tight the next 3 to 4 months unless I can find a job to off set my next semester of school.

Then when I get a job it's another struggle just to be able to keep it. I don't have a very good track record.

[sugahorse1]

I hope the meds kick in fast and that you have some friends to lean on in this hard time.
Please don't pick up a bottle - you've come so far - 5 years!

[moremi]

Dont drink hun it will only make you feel worse about yourself in the long run. Relapsing makes you feel horrible because 5 months is an amazing accomplishment. the meds will kick in after a few days and they will work. Just be patient. It will get better. I was right where you are just a couple months ago. Wanting to use again because I went off my meds. Im an addict. I have been clean for a year and a half this month and I wanted to use so bad but my husband talked me out of it and talked me back into going back on my meds. He was right all I needed was a few days of meds and I was okay again.
I sure hope you feel better soon.

[cocoabeans]

Sounds like you've got a lot going on. How long have you been off of medication? It takes time to adjust and learn to cope without being drugged up. Meds won't fix your personal problems.

"Tina, Tina, Tina", you seriously need to breath, take half a pill and go for a d*mn jog. Need to work off some of that anger. Or maybe a redbull. We know the feeling and your feeling closed in. You need to break out for a few. NO alcohol....it will SCREW your world to h*ll. You need to work this off.....get the blood a flowing and clear your mind....OH CRAP!!!!! just hang in there.

[moremi]

Tina

How r you doing now? Hope you got back on the meds or figured something else out???

[ggtina]

Doing better I finally got some sleep to. I was up for the third day in a row when I started this delightful thread.

I am on day 2 of being back on my meds. So far no noticeable change.

I have not made it to a meeting yet but have reached out to some people to talk to.

Which reminds me I still need to call my pdoc tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be an even better day. I just feel it

[moremi]

Im glad your back on your meds and doing better by reaching out. Things will get better just hang in there.

[ggtina]

Thank you