...strange things they are, memories, regardless... but here I'm simply trying to understand mania?

not long ago I said somethin' about not understanding it and when I make such a claim it's only gonna' re-emerge.

seems to me it's just some abstract spiritual physics or at the least a perfect balance with imperfect sensations?

..got know idea which one came first?...the depression or the mania?
the chicken or the egg...the arm or the leg?

now here's the thing!

when in the depression cycle I distinctly remember how good mania is...(it seems)...I achieve so much I can juggle life with no hands! This both makes the depression worse and yet escapable because it's not happening right then 'but' also inspires me to climb out of the hole.

it's such a desperately extreme experience! ...and I sincerely feel as though the illness takes priority over my wishes

oddly?....during mania I recollect no true recollections of the depression...that! ...

even more peculiar? ...is!......and cannot exist without the other.

it's like two completely opposite people meet and hang out, but always one of them don't know who the other one is or just chooses to forget.

ever known someone that just made your life miserable sometimes but just couldn't get rid of them?

bipolar to me is like 'being' that person as well as yourself inside myself and it always needs me to make it like they never did nothin' wrong.

oops now I twisted it all up....(hehe )

but...mania me can make depression me happy at the same time....

never the other way around!

I understand, going from desperate to miserable, with the memories in between! Ugh... double Ugh.. Triple Ugh even lol. I try to not focus on it, to distract myself. But I really am no good at that! I wish you Peace James... you deserve some!

[junkDNA]

yes i agree with this Post

WOW!!!!! This makes way too much sense. This is way too true.

[cocoabeans]

Hmm, when I've been depressed, I can't remember ever being happy about anything and always say, "this has been going on my whole life!" It's quite ridiculous really, though some moments of clarity leak through and the whole idea becomes a joke.

Oh no, I spilled some milk....end of the world! My whole life is ruined or some such, where milk is actually acid eating away my guts and the pain!

Right, as for being "manic" I don't know, never really stop to think about it but, I haven't had to either. I remember being driven, euphoric and angry, inspired and excited and it is other people who label it.

[Trippin2.0]

Hey Jamesy! Was just about to drop you a mail... Missed you today, you ok? And I agree, your post makes complete sense!

Originally Posted by cocoabeans

Hmm, when I've been depressed, I remember being driven, euphoric and angry, inspired and excited .

there it is right there cocoa

I guess the real question is... what are we supposed to do about it when we feel this way?

[dragonfly2]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

now here's the thing!

when in the depression cycle I distinctly remember how good mania is...(it seems)...I achieve so much I can juggle life with no hands! This both makes the depression worse and yet escapable because it's not happening right then 'but' also inspires me to climb out of the hole.

Sometimes in my deep depressions, this is one of the few things I have to hold onto. More often than not, I swing from depression into mania and not the other way around, so I think to myself, "if I end it now, I'll miss out on a really good hypomania!" I do reach a point where I even lose sight of that though, and that's when I'm really in trouble.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Hey Jamesy! Was just about to drop you a mail... Missed you today, you ok? And I agree, your post makes complete sense!

dropped you one instead......and thankyou Lia

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

I guess the real question is... what are we supposed to do about it when we feel this way?

I know what you are asking Dan...and I have been following your posts and I can see you are at a real special time of looking beyond things for better ways....and I believe this is awesome and that the alternatives are not hiding under heavy boulders but in plain sight.....my eyes just get tired and it's forcing me to not be so proud ....and trust others

Originally Posted by dragonfly2

Sometimes in my deep depressions, this is one of the few things I have to hold onto. More often than not, I swing from depression into mania and not the other way around, so I think to myself, "if I end it now, I'll miss out on a really good hypomania!" I do reach a point where I even lose sight of that though, and that's when I'm really in trouble.

yeah!...had that happen alot dragon...being depressive blitzed!

so it goes from depression into mania for you....yep I can relate to that..
makes alot of sense the way you put it

[bluemountains]

Perfect description, James. I can remember the good feelings, but not the bad parts of it. Now I am scraping for some of those feelings.

Originally Posted by bluemountains

Perfect description, James. I can remember the good feelings, but not the bad parts of it. Now I am scraping for some of those feelings.

they will arrive...blue

it's what makes us amazing!.....we scrape around in what appears to be emptiness....and we always unearth something meaningfull...

the modern day cerebral archaeologists.