[BNLsMOM]

Oh, I judt wrote a long post complete with smileys.... and it's gone.

Anyway, I am feeling all sorts of emotions and mood states. I don't know what I am.....

What if I am getting sick again?

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm right there with ya.......I had a full month of beautiful stability in August, and then we started losing light and now my moods are all over the stinkin' map. I have too much nervous energy to be depressed, but I'm not happy either, and I'm apt to fly into a rage or cry as laugh. Maybe we should hang out here and just be miserable together.

[BNLsMOM]

I'm not quite miserable yet... but it is looming. I am trying to stay in the stability that I have had since July. It was so amazing. I want to be healthy and strong and I have gone to a mostly raw foods diet. I am vegetarian now and when I can, I am eating raw vegan. I want to make that lifestyle change so that I can be healthy and strong. I want to work out, but getting to the gym has been so hard.

My mind is all over the place. When I was a kid I used to have a nightmare that I was on the porch of an old red house. I was there with an old couple and other children. The porch would begin to wobble and lean and we would all start to slide toward a hole that was gaping open to swallow us all up. As I went down the hole, I would look out, reaching for something or someone to hold on to and I would see the old couple sitting there on their rocking chairs, delighted to have caught more children. Then I would get the feeling that I had been there before and realize that every night I was getting caught in this abyss.

I don't know why I wrote that. I think maybe I am feeling a little bit like that lately.

Try to re-create your lost post,Bnlsmom, and let us know how things are for you.

Everyone will try to support you, I feel sure.

BipolaRNurse is right. These seasonal changes with shifting of the earth on its axis causes hectic changes in our emotions because of lack of adequate, strong sunlight. Maybe that's it for you, too. It is for me.

Genetic

[Moose72]

I always have my worst episodes this time of year. (as you've read)

[BlueInanna]

real bad time of year here too... i'm teetering, trying to stay at slight sad and irritated without going down boom boom

past depressions can be so haunting - or mania - if that's your trouble type. for me, i fear the depressions... BUT! ... i have experience and age on my side... and you guys

Analze your dream carefully, Bnlsmom. Were you, as a child, in an environment that
made you feel as though you could fall into depression if one more word was said that was negative regarding you?

Something is trying to come up from the unconscious that you need to pay attention to, IMHO.

See what you can find in it and then let it just disintegrate and flow from your mind.

It can be very enlightening to feel the freedom of letting painful, unconscious memories rise to the surface and then break into minuscule particles and fly away from you.

Take care.

Genetic

[BNLsMOM]

The lost post is gone. i couldn't possibly re-create it. it all comes down to noticing symptoms lately, and not being able to handle the emotions coming up in couples therapy without getting all freaky about the marriage. I make myself feel better by searching apartments for myself, but that is not the solution. On one hand I am asking my husband to renew our vows and on the other hand I am looking at apartments online. What a weird way to feel. I have had a couple of feelings of paranoia. That's the worst. I told my ECT provider about that and he didn't change my treatment, so I guess that's good. I talked to my T today and we are working on identifying what I am feeling so that I can fully feel it. (Do I want to go there?) I think I am maybe getting a little manic in my head. Or depressed... or who knows?

What is up with me?

I'm guessing now. Could it be that you and your husband, in your dream, are the two elderly people sitting on the porch, and that you are feeling that it is too
stressful to live a boring and dull existence with this man. Your little child may
be feeling that if the porch falls away (the marriage) you could sink into serious
depression.

Wild guess, but if your marriage is in difficulty your unconscious mind may be alerting you to make changes to keep things as happy as possible for your own well-being.

Take care, Bnlsmom.

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by genetic

Analze your dream carefully, Bnlsmom. Were you, as a child, in an environment that
made you feel as though you could fall into depression if one more word was said that was negative regarding you?

Something is trying to come up from the unconscious that you need to pay attention to, IMHO.

See what you can find in it and then let it just disintegrate and flow from your mind.

It can be very enlightening to feel the freedom of letting painful, unconscious memories rise to the surface and then break into minuscule particles and fly away from you.

Take care.

Genetic

As far as I can remember, I grew up in a mostly positive environment, with parents who loved me. I occassionally annoyed my dad, but I think that was because he worked nights and had to sleep a lot during the day. I think the dream means that I was overwhelmed and thought I should have more help with the things in my life. I think I have always had a low threshold for stress and the dream is a reminder of that. The old couple may have represented what I thought of the rest of the world; that it would sit back and delight in the fact that it ate up another average joe... I guess I saw the world as a frightening place, that had all the wisdom and that I continually would get caught up in its details and never "get out of the hole."

That's a believable interpretation, too, Bnlsmom. I think we're both writing at the same time!

Take care.

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by genetic

I'm guessing now. Could it be that you and your husband, in your dream, are the two elderly people sitting on the porch, and that you are feeling that it is too
stressful to live a boring and dull existence with this man. Your little child may
be feeling that if the porch falls away (the marriage) you could sink into serious
depression.

Wild guess, but if your marriage is in difficulty your unconscious mind may be alerting you to make changes to keep things as happy as possible for your own well-being.

Take care, Bnlsmom.

That's a decent guess... I haven't had or thought of that dream in years. It just came to mind when I was writing here.

[manic most days]

It f**king pisses me off when that happens!!! I'm so freakin sick right now I cannot even believe it... Fever, chills, sweating, ugh I'm just gonna lay here and be miserable hopefully I'm better by Friday... Only take tylenol blah blah grr

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by manic most days

It f**king pisses me off when that happens!!! I'm so freakin sick right now I cannot even believe it... Fever, chills, sweating, ugh I'm just gonna lay here and be miserable hopefully I'm better by Friday... Only take tylenol blah blah grr

I hope you feel better soon...

[BNLsMOM]

My pdoc is on vacation until Monday. AWWW YEEEAAHHH. Not.

The one time I call before it gets bad, she is away. Anyway, she is supposed to call me back early next week. I guess I have to hang in and wait. My T is available to talk if I need to.