how to help my daughter?

My daughter is 26, she has two children, she's recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was hospitalized for about a week. She has weekly counceling sessions. When she was released from the hospital she had no where to go and came to live with me. Her children already live here. That was about a month ago. She sits on the couch and reads, she sleeps a lot, and she goes to the grocery store to buy snacks most every day. That's all she does. Once or twice a week I can get her to wash dishes or fold laundry. Every day, at least once, I have to stop her from yelling at the kids over nothing, ie one of them will say, "Mom, look at this" or they'll be playing and she can't stand the noise. I'm at a total loss as to what to do. I've tried to get her to find a part time job, a support group, something. This can't possibly be good for her, and it's sure not good for the kids. Please someone give me some advice!

Did they release her with meds? Sounds like she needs some. I can relate to yelling at my kids with out reason- sure have done that! If she is on meds she may need something else or different. I am a clinical psych major and I can tell you that treating mental health is so different than treating physical illness. If someone is diabetic- there is a blood test to confirm it and insulin to treat it- done. In the field of psychological health there are no tests that tell a Dr exactly whats wrong; there's no one med that will fix it all for everyone. Its just trial and error. Try to be encouraging to your daughter but a little tough love may be in order- sometimes when your BP you really dont wanna do ANYTHING but its not healthy. It might do her some good if you give her a small list of chores and let her know your EXPECT at least that minimal assistance from her while she and her children are living with you.

She sounds like she needs a med adjustment to me. Is she on any meds?

People with bipolar often are very sensitive to sensory overload. So loud and repetative noises are very difficult to take sometimes. For me personally, repetative noises and flashing lights feel like an attack both mentally and physically. It disrupts my ability to think and I have mini panick attacks, my heart races, and I get into that "fight or flight mode." Think of it this way, your thoughts are already going at 100 miles an hour, to the point that you can't even thinking what you're thinking. Then you hear this "bam bam bam bam bam" at the same time... so... it's requires learning massive coping skills to handle. It's not easy (I have 3 kids so I know this,) and I get irritated when the kids go too crazy.

Also when bipolar is uncontroled, some people are extremely irritable. Which is why she might snap about "look at this." This also requires coping skills.

Things like not cleaning, not bathing, not brushing hair are all parts of a decline in self-care. This can also be a sign of her bipolar not being in control yet. She may not be at a point where she could hold a job just yet. A support group might help, depending on the group. Meeting other people with bipolar can help, and seeing you're not alone in the illness. Because you do feel completely alone, and like an alien in your own family.

Another tip. Routine. It's important to have a routine. A schedule. Maybe set up a chore chart or something. Give everyone chores, though, not just for her. Like, doing the dishes or washing the clothes is part of her chore chart. Like you said, she walks to the store everyday. Pay attention if she does this on a schedule, or just same time or close to it every day.

If she is sleeping so much, it sounds like she's more depressed.

Last, see if she's willing to set up a mood chart. She needs to start learning her triggers and coping skills for them. Mood charts can be found free online. I like optimism online because I can customize it.

Even though she's your child you have to treat her as an adult. Sleeping a lot and eating junk are signs of depression, or her body getting use to the med adjustment. Reading is probably calming. If you are going to give her chores it should be things like: Shower by noon, take the meds, go to appointments and have dinner with the family. You may want to look into intensive out patient for right now. Please don't put a lot of stress on her. It takes a lot to recover and time lots and lots of time. It's a complicated disorder, after years of treatment work is still very very far in my future. Patience is a must. When really aggravated or depressed I'll use noise canceling headphones because I'm sensitive to sound then. I have a necklace I play with when I'm scared or nervous. One of the thing I feel is very important is having her children in therapy also.

If she agrees, it might be helpful to go to one counseling session with her. You could share your observations with the therapist and, more importantly, have a discussion about how to best support her. If you want her to accept your help, it is important to come off as warm and concerned and not let your (understandable) frustration come through. Feeling criticized will totally shut her down.

Good luck!
EJ