[Faraway tree]

My concentration is not good at the mo. it's ok at home, doesn't really matter if I just eat peas for tea as I can't concentrate to cook, but was too indecisive to buy groceries anyway.

But work! I feel like I am failing at my job, which I am. I'm not even performing at the level a new grad starting out would work at. I can't concentrate. It's not a racy thing, I just can't think or focus. I forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it. I try to write down what I'm doing so I don't forget and I just zone back n five mins later to see an elaborate doodle over the words. By the end of the day after battling this for hours I keep almost crying because I feel so ad about it.

Usually I'm pretty bubbly and funny and chatty but at work I'm shy and quiet and rarely keep eye contact with people because I feel ashamed of how bad I am at work, and like I don't deserve my pay because I don't get even. A third as much done as my colleagues.

Anyone know how to fix it? It's been getting worse for two years now...

[faerie_moon_x]

I don't know how to fix it but I have the exact same problem. I try very hard. I can tell days when I'm "good" vs not so good on the amount of things I can get done and how long I can work on one task at a time.

Like you I have tried lists and everything. Write things down. I forget things as soon as I hear them...

I'm also a terrible cook. Haha... I hate shopping. The focus it takes to shop is terrible. And cook... but i have people relying on me to cook, so I feel bad.

I also do have the racing thoughts issue, tho...

[Faraway tree]

Yeah the racy thoughts thing was the whole reason I finally "got help" and got diagnosed and "medicated" etc, because it was affecting my concentration so much. I kinda thought it would improve without the raciness....

[purpledaisy]

Hi Faraway Tree,

Just wanted to say you're not alone.

I've been going through something similar, and it's about to cost me my job. I'm on probation and I've been told to shape up or I will be fired. So I am sure I will be fired because I can't shape up, no matter how hard I try.

How do you feel now that you are medicated?

I liked myself better without.

[Faraway tree]

Sorry to hear things are ba at work. Do they know you have bipolar?

I liked myself better without too. It got a bit much though, and I went into this weird self destructive phase where the cheeky bottle of red i was downing t night to put my five month long mixed episode to sleep mixed with a bit of hypomania and I did and said a whole lot of things (and people) I wasn't proud of, which. Isn't me.

But this quiet pressed me isn't me either.

I don't know , I'm thinking of going home for a year to have a breather and a year without stress. My theory is that ven though I suck at my life now, I know I've already "pAssed" small town life, so that might help I hope.

I'm still playing with meds though with the doc to get a good combo

[hamster-bamster]

My former p-doc told me that my concentration would improve once I fix my sleep. She was right. How is your sleep? Do you get enough hours? Do you wake up naturally or with an alarm clock?

[BipolaRNurse]

Oh wow, thank goodness I'm not the only one whose job is sucking rocks at the same time I'm stuck smack in the middle of a mixed episode! Not that I'd wish it on ANYBODY, but it makes me feel just a bit better knowing that others know how I'm feeling right now.

Go to where there is no stress for a year? Where is this place? I wanna go!

Originally Posted by Faraway tree

... It's not a racy thing, I just can't think or focus. I forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it. I try to write down what I'm doing so I don't forget and I just zone
...

Same here. Do you find that like dark_heart you have some days better or worse than others with this?

In terms of fixing it, I don't know, but I use some ADD compensatory things, such as always putting certain key things in the same place. It doesn't really help with the spacing so much as reducing the associated stress. And helps with time management (don't waste time and flipping out trying to find keys etc ) which is good because I have no sense of time and feel incredibly stupid for having no idea whatsoever what happened when.I.did.it.myself(!!!)

Have you tried reducing multi-tasking? I tend not to think of it only as the obvious way people think of that term, but as small tasks with more than one component. For instance. Just today, I had money orders that went with 3 different bills. I'd separated the "send this part" sections from the rest of the bills... and there were the money orders... and everything was light blue and... I started kind of freaking, because I was so confused! Is this with the right one? Did I fill it out right? Am I sure? Did I put account # on? Sure? Which envelope does it belong with? O.M.G.! I had to leave the P.O. and go where I could really set them out separately and take it one step at a time. Thing is, I'm not stupid. At all. But when that kind of stuff is happening, I sure feel stupid(!) (Heheh. Though... I realized later that I'd detached and sent the wrong section of one -- no wonder the address didn't fit right in the window! Lol. So I'd stapled it. Somebody's going to get a laugh... )

When you say you can't remember what you're doing while you're doing it? Oh yeah. That one drives me up a wall the very most.