At Wits End

I just don't know what to do, or where to turn. Every day I try sitting down with our daughter to do her homework, and half the time it just doesn't work. If she does it fine, then there is no problem.

The problem lies in when she either doesn't want to do it, or half tries, giving answers she knows aren't right, just so she can say she tried. It almost always turns into a battle of wills, her closing up, and me getting more and more pissed until I blow. Then it turns into me yelling at her, walking away for a bit, or sending her to her room for a bit, then trying again. Which usually ends up with me yelling at her again. I know it doesn't help anything when I do, but I just can't seem to get a grip on it.

It wouldn't be so bad if I thought she couldn't do it. But she is smart as a whip, and even when I went to talk with her teacher today, she said she is incredibly bright, pays attention in class, and seems to catch on real quick. It frustrates me to no end that she refuses to even try half the time at home, when I know she is capable of doing it.

I'm sitting here typing this and bawling because I feel like such a failure as a parent. I know I need more patience, but I just don't have it. Before I even know what I'm doing I'm yelling, and threatening fifty different punishments, then sending her to her room. I just don't know what to do.

Hello OutlawedSpirit,

If I understand, you have difficulties with the education of your daughter?

Did you ever think to hire a tutor or someone like that?

I think that maybe some professional help in school would be helpful also.

My youngest son is much the same with homework. And he is very bright, he catches onto everthing in school with little effort. However he gets on teachers nerves with his lack of looking like he is paying attention, a lot of his teachers have been dismayed by the fact that when they ask him to repeat what they said he can easily.

Oh and I get where they are coming from, because I have been there with him too. This year he has a teacher that he has already had previously, she and I both agreed to trying to give him a little bit of advanced work for homework. I swear he is just bored, he is always saying he is bored there. He is also bored with the other kids, which is also a problem. But hopefully if he feels more challenged it will spark some interest.

Im sorry, I know it's frustrating. I hear you loud and clear.

She is perfectly capable of doing the work. Last week, she had an assignment to just read me simple sentences with the words they have been working on in class. She flat out refused to even try to do it. I made her sit in a chair. I told her when she was ready to at least try her homework, she could do it then go play. Every so often I would ask if she was ready to try her homework, and her answer was no. She sat there for three and a half hours. When she finally decided that she would try, she read them all without a problem. She read all her sentences in like three minutes without a hitch. She isn't stupid, she just refuses to do it, and I don't know what I can do to change that. Her teacher says she has no problems with her in class either. She said my daughter catches on to things very quickly, and is very well behaved and willing to do all her classwork.

How about not sitting down with her? I don't know how old she is but maybe she needs to take full responsibility. As a parent its your job to help our children grow up to be independent adults. Sitting with her and forcing her does not help I wouldn't think.Maybe it really is time to step aside, and let her deal with what happens. Besides its driving both of you nuts and that is certainly not helping either one of you! In my much younger days I would have been just as stubborn. She does not want you to harass her because as you said, in school she does great! You have to let go and trust your lovely daughter!

I would be more than happy to let her just do it, but her homework is to read it to me, and I sign off a sheet when she does. She is only in kindergarten. Which, personally, I think it is ridiculous to have homework in kindergarten, I sure never did. I think they try to treat kids more like machines than anything anymore.

Is there any way you can have her do advanced reading? Maybe she is bored and thinks its stupid that she has homework thats to easy? Try letting her choose a book and see if her interest stays. You can preface it by asking if she has any problems with the class reading. If she doesnt, skip the class homework and let her read what she wants.

I have a good friend whose sister nearly failed because she has problems with doing repetitious homework. If you challenge her now she could potentially get into an advanced class where the material will hopefully spark her interest and keep her engaged.

With reading words - make a matching game where every time her or you flip a card she reads it. When the game is finished she'll have enough confidence to read the sentence fast.
Writing letters- write in sand before having her actually write it.
Math- have her teach it to you.

My son has to do those reading assignments to, when he is really frustrated I take turns with him- he reads a page then I read one, but when I read he has to repeat every word after I say it. It doesnt take long until he is saying the words with me or even before I do and he doesnt even realize it! I started ding this tho bc it would take so long for him to get thru the whole assignment he was mentally exhausted, frustrated and just plain bored (he has adhd). Idk if this would wk w your daughter but I thought it might be worth sharing.

It's pretty tough since she is "supposed" to be doing the assigned homework.

Do you think she is bored, or just putting up a power struggle or maybe both? I was just thinking back to when my son was that age, he is 11 now. I took him to the thrift store to pick out some new books. He picked out a few large nonnfiction books, quite lengthy. I remember one was about jouranlism and world war II, quite above his comprehension, I remember thinking oh brother...

But he happily read these books out loud to me. Quite large words, but he felt challenged and happy with this.

Maybe the teacher could help you find some assignments that will engage her more. If it's a power struggle only then yes although very frustrating, try to keep calm. Maybe there has to be a consequence for not doing it. Tho if she sat there for three and half hours, might not work either. My son can be extremely stuborrn and strong willed. I find the more calm I can keep even when he is pushing all the right buttons the quicker he will turn his attitude around.

Good luck, I hope you find a way to get her to cooperate, and keep your sanity.