Self-talk

There's probably a thread for this already, but I was just wondering how people keep the inner critic under control. I am trying to make conscious all the things I tell myself unconsciously. I've identified a few, and I think I've traced some of them back to their source. There's one that runs along these lines:

I’m lazy and I don’t deserve to enjoy any kind of success in life. I have a weak character, no appreciable intellect, no work ethic, questionable morals, and I am not to be trusted with any kind of responsibility. I would be one of Satan’s minions on earth, but I’m too lazy to even apply for the position.

My T is wking with me on positive affirmations to talk back to those voices. We haven't gotten far on it yet but when I get a decent list I will post them.

Through meditations, I found common ground with inner critic. I found that since she is me, she wants what she sees as best for "us". When she told me, "you ruin everything, you can't do anything right", this is a mean way to say that she watches my unhappiness over and over. Like a ruthless jerk athletic coach, she thinks this is the way to get me to change my life so I can be happy. We had to have some conversations to teach her more effective communication skills. Now she is more kind, more of a cheering section, motivator, self help guru. It's not perfect but my self talk has improved, and so has my life and belief in myself and self esteem. We have slip ups but I keep working on it. The small improvements show me how so much is possible.

Interesting. So, should I think of all the voices in my head as me, even if in my mind those voices are often connected to other people's faces?

I'm really odd when it comes to this. I have a whole system in place to deal with these voices. I get them too, yes. And I treat them like they were someone else. I don't identify the negative things that I think and hear as coming from me. It's like someone else is telling me these things. And I challenge them. I really do. So when they tell me that I'm going to fail or that the job is too big and I won't finish... I do it out of spite! I constantly challenge them until I find my own voice that tells them off.

I am very complicated in this area, they are not things I do by choice, but learned automatic responses. This leads me thinking I'm invincible though, cuz I challenge the negative voices and win. when I fail though, it can throw me into a deep depression. that's why I will never commit to quitting smoking. ONly wearing the patch and cutting back on it, cuz the voice wins every time in that area and I always wear myself out trying to win and end up depressed.

sorry for the confusing post, but thought I would share my experiences with it.

Not confusing at all, not to me. I think I'm kind where you are right now, feeling like I have to shout these voices down to assert control over my own actions. I feel like it might be more desirable to move toward Blue's approach, where I take a more diplomatic approach with these introjects, try to find out what they're really trying to say, something like that. I wouldn't rule out the possibility, however, that in some instances, they simply may have to go.

I do not have an inner critic right now. What I really miss is the very supportive, empathetic, good humored and exciting second me that existed when I was young. I used to have great conversations with her. Any ideas on how to bring her back?

Good question. This may sound weird, but I have pictures all over the house from when I was a kid. (That was my wife's idea, actually.) I'm trying to recapture whatever spirit is in those pictures, and get in touch with it better. The crucial question for me seems to be whether it's a matter of reconnecting with it, or reconstructing it. If you've banished your inner critic, then maybe your inner child will eventually find the courage to re-emerge.

Well, there are probably many different beliefs about this. My work took me a year in mindfulness therapy once a week. It was pretty profound work and I learned a lot.

They say in dream psychology / Jungian based, that all the people you see and meet in your dreams are you. I have the same opinion of the people in my head. Sometimes we attach a face or voice to them because some part or qualities of it resembles the outside person. And it's a normal human trait to put faces to everthing.

Up to you how you deal with it. But the inner critic can do some serious damage to an already fragile bp mind. We can end up beating our self up and hating ourself, when we already have enough challenges and that doesn't help matters. More positive self talk is a bp tool that helps me.

I think I'm a lot like Dan in that if the "inner critic" has a face of someone else (like my dad or my step-mom,) then I fight back out of spite. I have a very big "I'll show you!" streak in me. Depending on where I am at the time I can burn out rather quickly. But when I go about trying to prove people wrong, I tend to be very driven....

As for the other pieces... the hateful side of me, I guess, sometimes I am strong against them and sometimes not.

I have been working on this really hard in therapy ... I am my own worst enemy. but...I can say I do see progress .. Its not huge leaps and bounds but hey ! I'll take every little bit I can.