it seems like other people function on autopilot. like they are who they are and have no control over it! like they just are who they are, without any choice in the matter. robotic and almost unknowing.

I am jealous really. I have to choose who I am and a lot of times fail at being who I need to be. It's like others don't question who they are and just be themselves.

I don't have a "myself" that I can just be.

I could be anything if I let myself just be it. I'll take it to the extreme to prove my point. I could have ended up gay. totally. It was a choice to be with a woman instead and I'm just as happy with my wife as I could have been otherwise. there was no "me" to just act naturally and be myself.

there is no "myself" to act upon. even the small things are a choice, and when I make the choices, I am just as content with them as if I chose something else.

There is no me to discover.

I have to consciously think how I am going to act in any and every situation and a lot of times my actions are not consistant. But everyone else seems to have a sense of self and act accordingly.

I was hated in school cuz of this.
I was hated in life cuz of this for a long time.

till I found a way of being that is pretty damn awesome.
but that's all it is.
acting. It's like a big play sometimes... I am always acting.
If I stop acting... I am nothing. there is nothing there to fall back on.

does anyone else go through life like this?

[OutlawedSpirit]

Dan, I completely understand the acting thing. I think Shakespear was completely right when he said "all the world's a stage". We act how we are supposed to, be who everyone expects us to be. I'm not even sure it's possible to discern reality from the play. Where does the act stop, and the real world begin? I think the really interesting part is how many of us are just actors? Are we all? Maybe some just are better actors than other so it seems like they're not. Interesting thoughts to ponder.

[faerie_moon_x]

Actually, everyone is constantly making choices about how to act and behave. The people who appear to be on "auto-pilot" are the ones who have a real problem. Because they don't realize they are making choices to behave a certain way. We are all responsible for our actions and bahaviors and it's actually wrong to run on auto-pilot and act like you have no control of who you are or how you act.

People who say, "This is just who I am, I have no choice to be this way," are actually making a choice. They are choosing to not bend or change, even if they are hurting others in their behaviors.

So it's actually good to be aware of this, Dan, because you know that it's your choice to be the best person you can. That doesn't make it an act. I think that's part of the whole mindfulness thing. To be aware of your actions and choices every day. It gives you a head start over so many other people who just roll along not paying attention to the consequences of their choices.