[scattergories]

Hi everyone,

This is my first post here but I am looking to see if there is anyone else out there in the same boat as me.

I was diagnosed with bipolar II six years ago after suffering from mostly severe episodes of depression and then an episode of paranoia. I've since had another episode of paranoia after going off my meds a couple of years ago but have mostly remained fairly stable (functional) when I faithfully take my medication. It truly is a miracle that it works for me.

However, even though I feel as though I am able to remain functional and don't fall into the pits of despair like I used to, and my paranoia stays at bay, I still go through these ups and downs where I feel happy and great sometimes and then other times I feel this internal turmoil that leads me to this panicky, emotionally distraught, unstable feeling, even though I'm able to remain functional and I'm not exhibiting all the classic signs of "depression" anymore. Sometimes I become anxious and my sleep meds can't even help me sleep, or I feel how I feel now, and feel my motivation slipping and just want to escape these unsettling feelings through alcohol or smoking.

Those of you out there who experience this, how do you deal with these mood fluctuations? Is it possible to get to a place where you don't feel like this anymore? Or do I need to accept that I will never be able to fully get my moods under control? Are symptoms like this red flags that I am headed toward a more serious mood shift that needs to be addressed? And how can you tell if what you are feeling is triggered by something situational or from brain chemistry? I don't know if the answer is to constantly pump up the dose on my medication, which is what they've done in the past. Is something not working for me?

Thanks, everyone. Any input is appreciated.

[faerie_moon_x]

I think mood fluctuation by itself is 100% normal with all people, not just those with bipolar. But, I think we're more sensitive to it. I think if your meds are keeping you from having extreme lows and highs that's the goal. But your moods will still fluctuate.

Have you worked on coping techniques? Like breathing exercises, reality checking, and mindfulness? I think once you've been through a major episode it's normal to have some fear about going through it again.

[MilitaryMech]

I was just diagnosed BPII last year at about this time.... And same as you, the medications are a life saver. I've had a couple of bouts of depression, but those were really caused by things happening in my life. My problem, is when I get hypomanic, I turn into a super-grouch. I just lost my job in september because of it.

The key I think, is to be able to recognize when you are having your swing and be able to get some distance from things as a buffer....

sigh... If only

[scattergories]

I needed your reminder: I think I need to remind myself of the the healthy coping mechanisms I've learned. It's just so hard when I get these semi-hysterical feelings and I want instant relief or escape. I was in such a good place over the summer and now for some reason I feel myself slipping falling back into bad habits and losing control. You're right, I'm always scared that there's a bad mood break coming around the corner.

I think I have difficulties during transitions between seasons. I use light therapy sometimes and that may be what I need. I also try going for walks, swimming, drinking herbal tea and getting on a regular sleep schedule. My sleep schedule is all messed up right now. Mindfulness is helpful, too, something I need to remember. I get so obsessed over how I'm feeling that sometimes it surprises me when I break out of that and get out and do something else that distracts me how much better I feel.

[faerie_moon_x]

It also seems to be a trend (at least around here,) a lot of us have more trouble in the autumn or it's when our "bad time" really starts. So, don't feel bad about having seasonal issues. I thinks it's very normal.