[Clinte89]

My ex got ahold of me to talk about our child that we lost very early in the pregnancy. No big I thought but it just brought up alot of anger of how she treated me and how she is pretty much a loose person and she was she pretty much cheated on me but anyway blah blah long story short I want to be friends with her but how can I when I'm so angry at her. I'm angry that she cheated on me because she was lonely and lost our kid how can I get over that? My bp at the time was out of control and she admits that my dx made sense she did save me but I can't stop being angry over what happened. Please I need advice.

[faerie_moon_x]

How did she save you exactly? She cheated on you and broke your heart it sounds like.

I don't know the whole story about your baby, I'm sorry you had to have such a loss. I think sometimes people don't realize it effects the guy, too, (especially a young guy, I think many people think guys all thing "oh yay, get out of jail free.") But it's still a loss and you deserve to grieve it, and that sounds exactly like what is going on. You're grieving both your relationship and your lost baby, and you're probably still in the anger stage, which is fine. Everyone grieves at their own pace. There is no right or wrong answer.

As for grieiving it just takes time to get over it and you will get past it when you're ready.

[Clinte89]

It's been 2 years our baby would have been two years old and I was about 21 at the time and tried to drink myself to death. She made me realize I needed help. And I needed someone at the time I was so lonely.

[Lyric_dawn]

First Im sorry for your loss. I lost 2 children at one point in my life so I know what you're going through. The pain can be unbearable. I also did alot of reckless things after that to try to numb myself. As for your ex and your anger towards her, this is a normal grieving process as dark heart said. There is no time limit or guidelines to go by when grieving, Some experts say grieving goes in a specific order but I disagree. When I grieved it was all outta whack! It may take a long time to get over the anger towards your ex. I understand you wanting to be friends with her so maybe start out with just phone calls for now? Instead of jumping into full blown visits. Shes probably grieving as well so that could be something to help build a friendship on...being there for each other. Just go at your own pace and see how it turns out. If it doesn't work out, you haven't lost anything. Good luck and blessings to you and her.

[Clinte89]

I told her I can't talk to her anymore and so lets hope that's it.

[hamster-bamster]

It is always really touching to see a guy grieve a miscarriage so much. I applaud you for being so sensitive and loving.

[~Christina]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[faerie_moon_x]

Well, I never lost a baby in that way. But I lost my mom and this year it will be 20 years. Actually, in just a few weeks. I am still grieving. It's not intense but it effects me and triggers me still. So, I can only imagine losing a baby can take a long, long time to recover from.

But, remember you have an angel baby and always will. You have a good heart.

[Clinte89]

Thanks for the support everyone, it means alot. It's just tough cause I was looking forward to being a dad I have dreams of a little blonde haired girl with pig tails running around. It's just tough especially since the holidays are coming up but maybe one day ill have a family and my little angel will show up.

Originally Posted by Clinte89

Thanks for the support everyone, it means alot. It's just tough cause I was looking forward to being a dad I have dreams of a little blonde haired girl with pig tails running around. It's just tough especially since the holidays are coming up but maybe one day ill have a family and my little angel will show up.

plenty of time Clint buddy...

sometimes bad stuff happens mate...can't do nuthin' about it!

plenty of time clint....keep your broken heart...you will need it

DM.

[Clinte89]

Thanks monkey yes there is plenty of Time but I just wonder if ill ever have my life together enough to have a family

Originally Posted by Clinte89

Thanks monkey yes there is plenty of Time but I just wonder if ill ever have my life together enough to have a family

mate I cannot tell you what you want to happen.

...and yet I would be very very surprised like "what the F**k? ....if

(seriously)

...if you didn't get what you deserve.

I mean that.

just stay away from bad stuff....yeah!....manage your stuff now!

...you are already way ahead Clint...

you have been enlightened to your suffering real early on and it's valuable experience....

we meet the real people this way

i don't want to over exert myself here...it's not up to me how your life will be...

if you want it you can get it....

[faerie_moon_x]

You can get there. You work very hard toward healing, so you'll get there. I never thought anyone would love me and I'd be all alone. Now I have my husband, 3 kids, and a house full of people. Just live and work toward wellness and life will happen as it should around you.

[Clinte89]

Thanks everyone. I suppose your right take care f me and things will fall into place.

[vlad007]

Dont try to become friend with your ex. I think thats an absurd relation. Tried once, I'll never try again.

[treehugger727]

Clinte, I'm sorry about the baby. And I also think you will get there as far as he tings you want I. Your life. You really are working hard at healing and trying to avoid making decisions that land you in tough spots. I am touched by your story and sad you had to go through this. Hugs...

[Clinte89]

Thanks tree. I just have to remember that.

[Blue Poppy]

I have struggled with the idea of forgiveness of recent when it just doesn't make sense. However, I also know that if the anger and resentment stay inside of me, that is is really destructive for me emotionally, possibly a trigger. I don't have the answers though, I think I need to read a book on the topic.

I am truly sorry for your loss Clint.