I need help, and lost it at work.

So I just couldn't take it anymore. that girl from work has just gotten worse and worse. I can;t even explain how bad she has been to all of us. The disrespect, talking down to us, on our cases every five minutes about god knows what.. and I bet he doesn't even know either. It's been so tense and ridiculous. She has stopped doing any actual work at all, and instead just orders and demands us to do everything. Somehow she thinks she is the boss, and an utter control problem she has for sure.

The people I work with are all young, and they need their jobs so are afraid to speak up. One new girl is 30 and she is pretty quiet and soft spoken but her and I had a chat with our bosses boss yesterday because our boss was not there. The new girl was the one to bring it up to the boss, after 4 days she has had it. So the boss wanted me to write her an email today about it all because I am not in. She set up a meeting for the new girl to talk to her about it. She was not pleased at all with what is going on. So that is good. And said that having us dreading to come to work was totally not ok, and she would handle it.

What is bad is after that, this girls behaviour got even worse as the day went on. I listened to three lectures from her for no reason and then she started in on us again, there was three of us, and and another higher person present. I couldn't take it anymore, so I interrupted her and told her she needed to stop. but it came out a bit aggressive, and I was pissed off. When she said "What!" I kinda laid into her, well I felt like I was just sticking up for myself, but I told her she needs to stop telling us what to do every five minutes, the she is our equal and we all know how to do our job. Ahh so she says " maybe if you did you work!" haha wtf, are you freaking kidding me. OMG I work till my knuckles are bleeding and swollen, while she sits on her ***, barking at people. And she tells us how she is responsible for us, no she is not, she was responsible for checking things off a clip board.. hardly the same thing. I was on different jobs in different building than her most of the day. NO ONE put her in charge of anything.

Anyways the higher up person there, well she has already complained about this girl too she said, She separated us. She was nice to me about this whole thing, and she sent us to different jobs. Well so I guess this girl starts crying, calls her mom, and leaves work without telling anyone.

So today I have to email my boss about her behaviour, I suck at writing so I will just try to hit key points and keep it simple. However, that boss had left by the time I told this girl to back off. And now I am afraid I will be in trouble too, I sure hope not. I probably should not have said anything, but I can only take so much. I am not sure what to say about the incident, but I feel that I should address what I did as well, and take responsibility. Any ideas how to go about it, I really need help with this, I am not good at this and have not worked in so long, I don't want to muck it up.

I feel bad that I made her cry and go home, but at the same time, she treats us like absolute dirt everyday for zero reason, and we are all nice to her all the time despite that. It seems odd to me that she can dish it out so well, but one time of one of us standing up to her sends her home in tears. I could handle someone being rude or disrespectful some of the time, but every day, for the entire day, literally I could time it, it would be about every five minutes, more than exessive by any stretch.

Sorry for the drama and length.

In my opinion, Anika, you definitely should have spoken up,and it is important that you did so. Because she has been enabled to get away with it (no one had confronted her) she continues to use her tactics.

It is necessary at times in life to discipline aggressive people like that to TEACH them, Anika. She has no more idea than a snowbird that what she is doing is out of line and uncalled for.

The major thing this woman needs to grasp and keep in her mind every time she opens her mouth is that a leader is one who helps, not one who criticizes. You definitely should always have respect for yourself and look for your leadership from within and from those who show themselves to be leaders--ones who help, show the way, and offer advice for helpful improvements.

The negative stuff is largely the result of ignorance. The executives in charge need to apply the psychology of proper leadership and co-operation in their eforts. Trying to segregate employees because of differences isn't a solution. The answer lies in the having authority which is constructive, not destructive.

Management should never place people in positions of authority who have no training in how to work with people. That is a MUST in any workplace that is successful. If they wish to keep her as an employee, they should see that she attends at least one or two classes in leadership (through psychology courses at a local college or university).

Feel good about yourself. You stood up for what is right and you may have taught a good lesson to this woman who is a troublemaker.

tell sorry goodbye!...no need to be

you did nothing wrong.

you stayed at work despite being brought to personal dread and stress.

just gotta imagine what ...? whatever is going on in 'her' life yep!

move this along with what has affected you then it can only go well....

business is business yep!....she left and thats not productive poor thing has some stuff...but thats by and by!....

only the gentle will blame themselves and suffer for them and Anika you are so sweet this way so please let it slide she screwed it!...s**t happens and it's not your responsibility to clean it up....

the best approach is the ignorant one sometimes..."hey I dunno!?"

..."she got upset!".....you might know why but best to keep it to yourself i guess and move on ....some people have different problems and we gotta let them have them...

but if it's hurting you real bad then kick her *** outa' there!

even I feel bad about that one

I think you did the right thing telling her to stop. It's not like you started a fist fight or anything. Her "cry and go home" tactic sounds like a way for her to get sympathy. But she left work without telling anyone. That could cause her a lot of trouble.

On your e-mail just make bullet points.

-She does not assist with the work and instead stands by telling us what to do
-She complains about tasks given to us, stating she is unable to perform necessary duties
Like that. you don't need to be a good writer. Just the facts will do.

Thanks Genetic and James,

Ohhh how weird, The place we work our of and where this went down is called Snow Bird. haha so weird you said that Gen. The email is Isuppose because I will not be back till next week and she wants to deal with it right away. Tho I think talking about it in person would be more productive. The one who separated us doesn't work with us or in our area really. The place does seem a bit disorganized in terms of operations. I really like this job tho and am happy to be there, this is the only real problem.

She was not really placed in authority, we go out on jobs and someone is given the duty of checking the work, it changes day to day.. but I think it has gone to her head a bit. No one else acts like this, if she was in authority yes, it would be unacceptable to treat people that way, our actual bosses don't act like this.

She is the same position as the rest of us, I trained with her, started on the same day, and she is required to do the same work as everyone else. The only person who thinks otherwise is her. She doesn't work tho, just orders everyone else around and oh brother.. we don't know where she is half the time, she just takes off. And when she is present, she barely does anything. It's physical labor so you will notice if someone is not working, because you will have to do their jobs.

James, that's the thing I do feel guilty, I have already run through my head "she must have had a hard life", maybe she wasn't taught social skills, I know she has ADD so I have googled how to help people with ADD at work and how to work with them, I have tried so many ways to communicate with her and to withhold boundaries. It's not really all an ADD thing I don't think. But I have to stop that, because I felt guilty for even thinking bad of her bahaviour, which led me to put up with more.

Thanks DH, that's what I will do. The part about what happened yesterday, I want to address what I did in a simple manor, I think pretending it didn't happen would be wrong and irresponsible of me.

I am not sure what to say in a professional way.

It's not my fault she choose to go home, I need to remind myself of that. I can understand that I said it in front of other people and she was probably upset and embarrassed about that. I would be too. I wasn't pleased that I raised my voice a bit, or that I got mad. I wish I could have said it still, but more assertively i guess. I tried to do that before but it didn't really get through. So I dunno, maybe it was needed.

Please don't do that to yourself, Anika. You did what was necessary to protect everyone in that working environment.

Management needs to know what is going on. Just what you have told us is what you should report to them when they ask: failure to work her load of the job; disappearance from the work scene; trying to be authoritative with co-workers;
unstable in emotions.

You are the one who is sensitive to other people; she is not. That's a quality that is important in any work environment: self-respect and consequently respect for others. (Frankly, that's why so many aggressive and negative people fall apart when their behavior is really confronted by stronger people.)

Take care and try not to worry. You'll get help in your observations.

Anika, I'm glad you opened your mouth, coz THAT lady, is just thoroughly inappropriate!

No need for bad guilty feelings, and since you didn't get into a physical altercation, and work was not interrupted by your having words with her, your job shouldn't legally be on the line... management knows that employees have conflict from time to time, they are trained in conflict resolution bcoz its expected in a work place.

DHX is right, bullet points is full-proof. Managers usually have a ton of emails, so these are easier to read,and better for you, bcoz there's no place for misunderstanding, or word-mincing.

I would include feelings, as they are facts too.
- I dread coming to work

Is a good example of a feeling that is relevant to this email, as management should be aware of how this is impacting your working environment... Management WANT workers to WANT to come to work, so its very important.

Sending you lots of calming soothing s....
And remember, yes, you may have hurt her feelings, or whatever you call it, but how many times, days, has she not made you completely miserable, worked you to the bone? do you think she felt bad for sending you home to your kids in that state?...

You're right, it isn't your fault she went home.

Yeah sure, maybe she had a hard life. But you know what it sounds like to me? She's a spoiled brat. Calling her mom in tears because someone confronted her? That's not hard life, that's "mommy will take care of me, boo hoo." Sounds like she only puts on her big girl panties when she wants to boss people around.

If Angelica from Rug Rats was a real person, I feel she would be your co-worker..... She has excuses for everything. She bosses everyone around. She makes life miserable. She's a bully. There is no question about it. And the second someone actually stands up to her she goes boo hooing away....

You did the right thing, Anika. If your work doesn't see that, then it is a toxic environment and you shouldn't be there.

Yeah that! Especially the Angelica comparison. Lmao!

Omg angelica haha, yes that sums it up perfectly, thanks DH made me smile

I shoukd clarify she is not a girl, she is 26 years old and a mother. I call everyone girls and boys but should probably call them women, men, not girls and boys.

Well she's not acting like a woman. So call her a girl all you like.

Oh Anika !

I am glad you put your foot down and told her what you thought ! I have "snapped" at people in the past I have worked with. Sometimes it is just needed.

Please try to not feel bad for your actions ,,, YOU did nothing wrong. Isnt this girl that told you the first or second day that she worked there before and got into a physical altercation with a coworker?

I am sorry that you have been dealing with her and her nonsense. Be proud that you stood up for yourself and your coworkers..

Thanks guys,

Yes same girl, but it was not physical. She got into a huge argument when her co-worker "told her how to do her job", and she was fired. Can you imagine... A co-worker trying to tell you how to do your job? It was at this resort, but a hotel that is not owned by the resort, I think that was her saving grace of getting hired this time, as these hotels are owned by the resort itself.

That is her version of what happened, and she was very happy to talk about it, kinda bragging, I image the full version is a tad more complicated.

Hahah, FER SHURE! And probably more than a tad!

I agree with the others that you did what needed to be done and have nothing to feel guilty about. I think that dark_heart hit the nail on the head -- that she used the "cry and go home" as a sympathy tactic. Which I'll put even more bluntly: a manipulation tactic. It's something I've had to learn to deal with and really only recently been able to hold my own against. The key was seeing it for what it was. Only by gaining a more objective viewpoint of the dynamic have I been able to keep from being sucked into the whole guilt, pity and cave thing. Which is good, though it can be a real challenge for kind-hearted people such as yourself. Thing is, when you don't stand up to it, it only happens more and before you know it, they've got you over a barrel (or so it feels by the pile of precedents). So it is VERY good that you spoke up when you did.
It wasn't going to get better by itself.
You did the right thing.

You did the right thing. Her crying is rather manipulative behaviour.