[Secretum]

Hello everyone,

I asked this in the relationships forum, but I thought that I'd ask it again here because you all are excellent friends and I value your advice.

I'm in love with my best friend. I asked her out 2 months ago, and was turned down. She "didn't like me romantically, and didn't want to lead me on". However, I suspect that she does actually like me, and is afraid to admit it to herself/have to deal with being in a lesbian relationship. Here are some of the reasons why I think she might have feelings for me:

-She laughs at my jokes, even when they're not funny
-She finds excuses to touch/poke me
-We talk everyday about everything
-whenever I say something flirty about us, she laughs like it's the funniest thing she has ever heard
-She plays with her ring when she talks to me (I read somewhere that this is a sign of attraction).
-We normally spend time one-on-one. However, one time I asked another girl to join us for dinner and my crush seemed upset about having to share my attention
-If for some reason we don't talk one day, she'll come knock on my door to make plans for the next day.
-when I don't feel well, she is there with a hug.
-I just have this gut feeling that she is attracted to me!

Here are some reasons why I think she may not like me that way:
-She doesn't blush around me
-She doesn't make eye contact when we talk (but then again, neither do I)
-When she is really busy, she prioritizes her schoolwork above me
-She claims to not have a crush on anyone right now
-When I asked her out earlier, she turned me down

Obviously, I can't take a multidimensioned relationship like our friendship and reduce it down to a written message. If you have more questions about our relationship, feel free to ask.

I was just wondering if it would make sense for me to ask her out again. Does it sound like she likes me romantically, and if she was given a chance to discuss her fears about being in a relationship with another girl she would be willing to try it? Or does it sound like she likes me as "just" a friend? If you were in this situation, would you try again? I really like this girl; I haven't felt this strongly for anyone in years.

Thanks!-Secretum

I think you need to accept no as your answer. If you value your friendship, don't push this.

[missbelle]

Wait!.......if she likes you and feels you are not going to ask her out...trust me, she will make a move!....... and if she doesn't you still have a super wonderful friend, and they are hard to find!!

[irishgirliexo]

I agree with missbelle wait and see if she makes a move

[Trippin2.0]

I'm with Missbelle on this one. Patience is key... Spending more time with 3rd parties is a good way to speed things up tho, seeing you interact with other 'suitable' girls may just kick her into gear...

[faerie_moon_x]

Yeah, I'm with everyone about waiting. I know that's not easy.

Also, I think this is kind of similar as to when a girl has a "guy friend" who has a crush. So, I had a friend once who had a huge crush on me. I considered him my best friend at that time but didn't feel that way about him at all. We just got alone really well. But, I nearly ended our friendship because he kept going on about how much he had a crush on me and it would be great if I had a crush on him. But I just didn't. It really made me want to not be his friend. (Eventually it turned out he was a crap friend anyway, so I'm not his friend any more.)

So, my advice is don't be pushy, if it's meant to be, it will be.

[hamster-bamster]

I think she might be really scared and confused if she self-identifies as straight and yet is attracted to you. That is probably why she is sending you mixed signals, such as easy laughing at your jokes yet no eye contact. Just let the passage of time help her overcome her fears and come to terms with being attracted to you in "that way".

I also agree with Trippin's advice to seek 3rd parties' company often. Is that doable for you?

[~Christina]

Yep patience is Key ! But I agree with Trippin !

[Secretum]

Thanks for your responses, everyone. I'm trying to be patient. I'm just really confused about where we stand. I feel like we are in some odd in-between space between friends and girlfriends.

Yesterday, I was telling her about this creepy guy that I saw staring at me on the street. I told her that I got the feeling that he wanted to murder me, to which she replied, "are you sure he wasn't just checking you out? Because you are pretty darn cute." When I told her that she was just being sweet, she then insisted that she meant it. Now I'm really confused. Do friends call each other "pretty darn cute" in that context? Or is this an indication that A) she likes me as more than a friend, and B) she's getting more comfortable with it?

Tonight further complicates things. I was watching SNL with her (we have this ritual on Saturday nights ), and emboldened by her calling me cute, I decided to place my head on her shoulder. I was expecting that she would put her arm around me, or at least nervously chuckle. But she did not respond, at all. I don't know if that means that she probably doesn't like me? I'm really over-thinking this...

Thanks again for putting up with my ramblings about my messed up love life!

Instead of beating around the bush (no pun intended), perhaps it would be best to simply let her know how you feel but that you don't want to jeopardize your friendship with her if she doesn't feel the same way ... Of course, it could totally freak her out and you lose the friendship anyway ... Nevertheless, an honest conversation will let you know exactly where you stand and will get you out of all the discomfort you're feeling about what the heck to do with all this.

[Secretum]

Thanks for responding. I feel like she already has an idea of how I feel, since I asked her out two months ago. I don't think that asking her out again would compromise our friendship; in the worst case scenario, it would just make things a little awkward for a few days. That is what happened the first time I asked her out.

Would you/do you call people who are "just friends" (i.e. people you are not attracted to) "cute" in the context that she used it? I really need to understand what this means. Thanks!

I think good friends have the security to tell each other they are cute or beautiful or whatever without it necessarily meaning something more than just a compliment.