[Speed3]

I am so depressed, I want my Jason back, I don't understand why he died... I am all alone at home and there is no one to talk to

I feel like going far away but I can't even get in the shower.

This is the time of day Jason and I would do something together. I miss him beyond what words can say .. I loved him so so much

There are so many reminders of him around . His sneakers just waiting for him to put them on. His hoodie that he loved

We would be talking about what he would make for dinner.. He loved to cook

He was a sweet boy It just isn't fair

[BlueInanna]

It is horribly not fair. I'm so sorry, wish I could give you a real hug.

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

It is horribly not fair. I'm so sorry, wish I could give you a real hug.

Thanks me too. I can't pretend things are ok anymore..I want to be with him

[BlueInanna]

I understand, and I would too. Just take it minute by minute. Jason would not want you to die yet. He wants you to be ok, but that's going to take a lot of time. Minute by minute. Every minute you make it through is a step of progress through your grieving, and getting you closer to finding your way through this horrible time. You are still you, and you still have a path in this life, it's dark and windy, and unknown what's ahead, but it's still your path that I believe you are meant to walk and complete.

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

I understand, and I would too. Just take it minute by minute. Jason would not want you to die yet. He wants you to be ok, but that's going to take a lot of time. Minute by minute. Every minute you make it through is a step of progress through your grieving, and getting you closer to finding your way through this horrible time. You are still you, and you still have a path in this life, it's dark and windy, and unknown what's ahead, but it's still your path that I believe you are meant to walk and complete.

The only path I had was getting him better. I failed him. There are no more paths. Only going through the motions, with nothing in sight.

[BlueInanna]

You still have a path, you just can't see it right now, but it's still there, baby steps, or no steps for now, just rest. What an awesome pic you made of him, it made me cry, he shines love. You just shined in your love for him by making that pic.

How about that hot shower, Speed? Consider it washing some of the grief away and
cleansing your heart in preparation for a new day. One activity at a time, and one
day at a time will help so much.

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by genetic

How about that hot shower, Speed? Consider it washing some of the grief away and
cleansing your heart in preparation for a new day. One activity at a time, and one
day at a time will help so much.

I did take a shower, put on clothes (not pajamas), blow dried my hair.
Took seroquel 50mg, Ativan 6 mg, Benadryl 100mg.Feeling artificially numb.

can't go anywhere we are in the middle of a big winter storm.

[BlueInanna]

Would massage / body work feel good to you? I love massage, so nurturing, good for lymph system, skin, weight loss, general release and balance of energy and emotions. It's been too long for me, but when I had money I would have a weekly 2 hr session and I felt much saner and healthier back then.

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

Would massage / body work feel good to you? I love massage, so nurturing, good for lymph system, skin, weight loss, general release and balance of energy and emotions. It's been too long for me, but when I had money I would have a weekly 2 hr session and I felt much saner and healthier back then.

I have done Reiki and other energy work. It hasn't helped lately.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by Speed3

I have done Reiki and other energy work. It hasn't helped lately.

I know you have tried those, but physical hands on massage by a skilled person can do wonders, if you'd be willing to try it.