[tsmith11542]

I'm not even sure where to begin. My son has mental issues that I believe are bi-polar. As a child he was always a very good kid. Good grades, never got into trouble, and very sweet and caring. As a teenager he sometimes was a bit of a bully - he played football and hung out with other "jocks". Still made good grades and never got into a lot of trouble. Had a job went to school worked out every day. The only thing I can say out of the ordinary is that he had a hard time following directions. like I could say to do five things but he could only complete 2.

When he was 18 he got a girl pregnant and they had a son. We all moved back to Arkansas and about six months later his dad and I got seperated. I admit it was a very ugly seperation and divorce. my son and his girlfriend also got seperated and she moved back to Louisiana. I know he was drinking then and even became physical w her by pushing her or something.

Well after that the drinking got worse and worse and he has had 4 DUI's can't hold a job and kept moving in with my mother who is addicted to her prescription pills. He began taking her medicine on top of everything else. I keep bailing him out and trying to get him help I will get him so far such as an apartment a job and then he will get back on the alcohol or just mess it up in general by getting fired or something.

The cycle continues and he will move back in with my mom and then get back on her pills, etc. This last time, I actually had to put my mom in assisted living and take control of her medicine because she was overdosing. My son is not allowed to live with her because of the assisted living. Which I purposely wanted to happen because she keeps giving him pills.

Anyway, he is now living with me and my fiance. He and my fiance do not get along because my son has issues. When he is having a low moment he is verbally abusive and he thinks we need to take care of him. He is 27 years old but thinks it is my job to make sure he has what he wants. I make sure he has food, clothing etc, but if he wants something else I expect him to buy it. After months he got a job at mcdonald's and after only a few weeks he has lost his job because he has not gone to work. He didn't go to work because my fiance told him he could walk to work. It is a 2 mile walk - but weather was nice and he had been sleeping all day. I know, I would have taken him to work, but as I told my son he can't expect people to do everything for him. He acts like it is our job to take care of him like he is a child. but then he gets mad and says I'm a grown man. He just assumes if he doesn't have a job it's my responsibility to pay for everything for him.

So my son had a meltdown tonight - yelling trying to fist fight my fiance, telling me what a horrible mom I am and that. I know part of it is beause of the tension between my son and fiance but part of it is because he has been taking celexa and he stopped taking it a few weeks ago. It did seem to mellow him out. He just kept going on and on about how he is leaving and to take him to a homeless shelter. So I pretty much made him pack his stuff and I wanted to take him to a hospital to get some help. I thought maybe if he went they could direct me to the right place and get him back on some medication. And also I should mention he has no insurance. Anyway he refused to go into the hospital and wanted me to take him to my moms. I said no you can't go there or she will get kicked out. He basically said I wanted him to die and I was killing him. He kept saying I"m a horrible mom and don't help him and if I take him to the homeless shelter I'm as much as killing him.

I really couldn't take it anymore and dropped him off at the salvation army homeless shelter. Afterwards he started texting my fiance messages about how I am a terrible mom and i will just hurt him like I hurt his father and basically just mean things. I told him to stop or i would shut off his phone. he kept on and on so i deactivated it.

Anyway - i feel like i handled this all wrong tonight and the past couple of weeks. I know he needs more than i can give him. I cannot support a grown man who can't even help around the house or keep a job at mcdonalds. I maybe am not as understanding as I should be but this is so hard on everyone else in the family. I am so stressed about this my hair is literally falling out and my chest hurts every day.

I told him he could move in with me if he had a job, went to counceling and tried to get into school. and i also said it was only temporary until he could get himself together.

as a side note, he has been going to AA for a few years and really is doing better with that. However he has not been going6 since he moved in with me only because I have been working 60 hour weeks at a new job.

I think he needs some intense counseling, medication, and maybe sort of halfway type recovery house. I don't think living with me is good for either one of us. As I mentioned before he does not have insurance. How and where do I get him help?

[Victoria'smom]

I don't know where you live but in the US most counties have community mental health centers. They usually have sliding scale fees. It's unfair and wrong of you to continue supporting him with out him trying to get himself stable. It'll also be unfair for you to expect anything like working at this time. I think you did the right thing tonight.

[BlueInanna]

Oh you poor thing I've got a 17 yr old bp son in rehab right now. I know how hard these decisions are to make. It's a living hell. I spent the last 2 days at full day lectures at his rehab about addiction and treatment. It was not fun, triggered me big time. I'm so sick of all of it, I cried for hours after the class today. It feels like there's no sure answer, relapse could happen any time. They actually did not condone "tough love" at the class, which I was happy to hear, sometimes I consider it but could never turn my back on him. They say you're not enabling if you're supporting their recovery, so like paying for him to live in an sle/sober living environment, going to meetings, school, working. They said offer to give the phone, or whatever, when they've shown their commitment to recovery, like going to his meetings, having a sponsor. They say you have to treat the addiction before they can really start processing and dealing with the issues that are underlying. They should still go to therapy and get mental health help, but it will take about a year of recovery to start getting to the bottom of everything.

Get in touch with his sponsor at AA for ideas and resources. The class teacher also said to avoid any nagging or criticism, ask their sponsor or therapist to do it for you instead, cuz they won't hear it if it comes from you. Uphill battle, the addiction monster not only destroys them but anyone in it's path.

[BlueInanna]

How did it go today? Hope you're ok

[BlackPup]

I think you did the right thing. Sorry I don't have any ideas but I really feel for you. He has to want to get better.