[Just a girl..]

Do people have kids because they want to love something that will love them back? and the feelings will never stop. Do they fall out of love with each other, so they make something that they can give their love to, and just hope that it loves them back.?

When you fall in love with someone, but then you get the mind set that 'you'll be together forever' so you just stop falling in love. You stop flirting, you stop trying to impress each other. you just stop. Is that falling out of love? or is that just something that people do? something that happens to everyone?

I wanna fall in love again.

That is absolutely not the reason my husband and I had our children. We had our children because family is just who we are, and we have a really close family here.

I think there is a difference between "falling in love" and developing a maturity in a love relationship. Falling in love feels wonderful, but it is no real indicator of the lasting ability of a relationship long-term. Yes, mature love isn't as "emotional" or "head-over-heals". It loses that obsessiveness that is so all-encompassing in the beginning. But mature love, for my husband and I anyway (and we're in our 25th year of marriage), is comforting, is a security, and is truly supportive through the good and the bad.

Falling in love feels great short-term, but many people fall right out of love as soon as things get tough. Mature love, again speaking from my personal experience, withstands and even strengthens in those hard times.

If your relationship feels stale, it is up to you and your spouse to work at it. Mature love IS work, but it doesn't have to be stale and boring unless you decide to let it stay that way. Falling in love is pretty effortless honestly. Is that why you long for it?

[Just a girl..]

I want the rush, I want the excitement, I want the butterflies when I see his name on my phone. We used to be SO in love, we couldn't take being apart from each other, we'd constantly be sending texts telling each other that they were missed and we HAD to see them, even if it was right after we left. We used to stay awake at night and think of a million reasons why we loved each other, and then type it all into a text (which we called a book, since it was so long) and then we'd send it, so that the other person would wake up to it and know how much they were loved, and make their day.

Anymore is seems like even just saying 'i love you' is just a habit. Like there is no feeling there. We text constantly but we never actually say anything. They're like one word texts, just to say we kept in contact. ,,I don't know if we are falling out of love, or if it is a lack of seeing each other. We wrecked the jeep, so now we do not have a vehicle to be able to see each other. Plus he got a job that requires him to work at night, so he works all night, sleeps all day. I sleep all night and have school all day. And there are always things going on, on the weekends that prevent us from seeing each other. ' so honestly we go weeks, sometimes even months without seeing each other.. but shouldn't that make us stronger, rather than weaker.?

[faerie_moon_x]

I didn't have my kids to have something to love me back, because the truth is that the love you feel for your kids doesn't swing both ways. You have no idea how much you can love someone until you have a kid, (but remember this isn't true for all people, there are people who do not want kids and don't bond with their kids for whatever reason, which is why it's best to be 100% honest about it and not give in if you feel that's not the right path for you.)

The main myth I think a lot of young people have is that kids automatically love you back. That's true of babies. Babies are bursting with love. That doesn't mean that they are not willful and individuals, because they are. Every baby is different, just like every grown person. But the baby stage is extremely short. The thing I like to tell is people is that you're not having a baby, you're having a person. A person full of hopes, dreams, mistakes, annoying habbits, happy moments, sad moments, arguments, and all the things that come along with being a person. And as that person changes from baby to adult, they change, and as they change they grow away from mom and dad and get on with life, which is as it should be.

The thing about relationships is that they take work. They require you to re-commit every single day. To wake up and say: "This is the person for me even though they do this _____ that annoys me to no end." Flirting changes, the way you do things changes. I still flirt with my husband but it's not the same as when we were dating. It's not the same as when we met.

Relationships are like a fire. First there is that flash fire of passion. It's an amazing rush, but no one can sustain that forever. So slowly the fire dies down until it's slow burning embers under the ash. It will keep you warm, but you do have to poke at it with a stick and feed it kindling. And if you have two people who are commited and who really love each other, then that fire can last 50, 60, 70 years. It can even last after one of them passes. It can be that if they are old enough, when one passes, the other goes soon after, because for some it's more like having your arm chopped off than your spouse died.

When people fall out of love it can happen for a lot of reasons. And I think in our society it's very easy for people to fall into the trap of falling out of love. We see so much media about men vs. women, new love vs. old love, betrayal, etc. Kind of that "grass is greener on the other side" mentality. I think a lot of people really don't realize it is work and think it's a magical fairy ride when you say "together forever." It's not but if you work at it, then it's worth it. And, I hope I have that with my husband because I feel I found a good match for me.

And, here's the other thing. "One True Love" I think or "Soul Mate" are the worst words in the human language. Because it doesn't work that way. I prefer the term "Love of my life," really you can find another person and try again if it doesn't work out. There's no "perfect match" for people. But the love of your life is the person you've chosen and you love, and loves you back, and you work together to make it happen through good and bad.

It's like the marriage vows say, they are not words, they are truth. Sickness and Health. Good times and Bad. Richer or Poorer. See, it's not telling you "and they lived happily ever after," is it?

[Just a girl..]

I see what you mean. It's just that we try so hard to be happy together, to always be in love, and love each other with all we've got. but we NEVER get to see each other.. which makes it really hard to connect. It's to have a healthy relationship when the only thing we do for months at a time is text each other..

[faerie_moon_x]

I'm going to say the thing you're going to hate....

You're still pretty young and that adds a ton of complication to a relationship. First off because you don't have your own space in life yet. You can't go to your apartment. You still are under the rules of your parents. You're still in school. School plus job is rough if you have both. There are a lot of obsticles to finding that "forever" type of person when you're younger.

And texting is okay, but if you can't make time for each other or if you can't find time, you will grow apart. If you say "we try but...." any "but" is just another thing that will get in the way. You have to say "regardless of this we will." And if you can't, then it maybe isn't meant to be.

[Just a girl..]

ugh. I know you're right, but (there I go again saying 'but'..) as soon as I'm 18 then things will be soo much better between us.

[faerie_moon_x]

It depends on how far away that is. I don't know your age, but, if it's more than a year it's going to be rough.

I can say this though, no matter what happens, it's going to be okay.

[Cotton ball]

No, that's not why people have children. As a parent it is your job to protect and love unconditionally. It is hard work.
I think it varies from person to person and the circumstances surrounding getting pregnant.

[Trippin2.0]

Ideally, people shouldn't have kids to try and save their relationships... That being said, I've seen it happen, so far the outcome has been feeling stuck with their partner... I had a baby bcoz I wanted to, bcoz my parents were old when they had me. Granted the timing wasn't right,and she turned out being unplanned (through birth control) but that just made me realize she was 'meant to be' and made me want her even more... Things usually work out as they should

[Confusedinomicon]

I think Dark Heart did a really good job of explaining what a relationship is.

I was in your shoes, Just a girl. Dating and keeping a companionship with someone at a young age is hard work. There were times when my boyfriend and I could have grown apart but there was something worth fighting for. We used to text 24/7 and were glued to one anothers face for a while. Now it has calmed and "I love you" means more then it used to. We don't always have interesting stuff to talk about, either...but his presence is enough for me.

Also, do NOT give up higher education to be with him.
**Better education generally means better jobs and better quality of life. It also means you will not have to live under constant financial pressure to pay bills and living expenses. (This is a hypothetical)

[Just a girl..]

I have around a year and a half until I am 18.
And sorry, I didn't mean that I wanted to have a baby. I don't. I'm too young for that. It was just something that came to mind the other night..