[bluemountains]

Hi All,
It's here, my worst time of the year! My drugs are good, pretty much keeping me in check, but those little tweaks of depression are creeping in occasionally. Too many memories of bad stuff during this season manage to bring me down, but then I have to forget that and try to make good memories for my own children.
My therapist asked me at my last appointment why I am going to the family get-together of my father's family. The reason that I do it, as I explained to her, is that I need to pretend that my extended family is "normal". My father did the damage in my life, and he is gone, so they will never have to know the bad. They had a few hints when they knew him before he died, because he made inappropriate conversation with them, but that exposure was very minimal.
For me, I can't figure out why my mood swings so quickly. Last night I got so pissed at my husband because our decorations look like crap. Not important, right? We live in a new neighborhood (a result of another bp moment) and all of these houses have these very traditional all white lighted houses. Ours has 3 lighted lollipops, an electric-multicolored tree, and a big lighted snowflake. Our decorations from our old house can't be used, so we had to buy all that Target had left. Yes, I will laugh about this in the way, away future; but meanwhile I went to a neighborhood party tonight and felt the need to explain my lack of decoration sense to everyone!

Happy Holidays Hopefully!
Bluemountains

happy holidays bluemountains,

i know how difficult it can be... i personally hate this time of year. with every part of my body

[Trippin2.0]

I'm hating on holiday season this year (family drama), I hope you feel better soon BM

[Clinte89]

I agree the holidays can be tough and are tough for me too. It just brings up bad memories of mostly last year for me. I hope you work everything out and it all goes well for you. Happy holidays.

[bluemountains]

I know we will all survive it, in spite of our family dramas, etc.
I just wish I really could experience all of the hyped up magic that is supposed to be there according to all of the holiday commercials. I guess it might be a bipolar thing for me, because I can remember the holiday pit in my stomach even when I was a very young child. I see it in my son now-expecting something that never happens, and feeling sad and frustrated as a result.

[~Christina]

Blue

I'm sorry you are having a rough time with the holidays.. I personally want to fast forward to mid January.. My advice to you is stop beating yourself up over how your feeling... Its ok to not be all kinds of thrilled with the holidays. Just fake what you need to for the benefit of your kids. maybe while faking it you will find a lil bit of the holiday season..

It will be okay, we are all here for you

[Moodmuse]

This has always been my favorite times of year but the worse for my husband due to abuse. For the last 17 yrs I've tried to change that for him. He still has a hard time but slowly he's coming around

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