[Anika.]

and sometimes we feel really weird...

I feel really weird, weird amongst the people in my real life.. dress too weird, know what I like and don't too much, know who I am.. well that's weird also it seems.. my interests ..well got no one to share them with. Today my bf said.. well you are the only person on the planet that doesn't like that song right now.. I can't help that I don't like it. If I had a penny even for every time I was told that no one thinks what I do, or feels like I do.... well I would have sooo much money.. that I don't even want. Usually this is a negative thing, said to me to prove a point.. that I am only one and so I am wrong because I am not majority. It it was over such silly things as songs it would be so easy, if being in the minority wasn't far reaching and widespread.

At work in orientation we were asked for a show of hands who doesn't like money... in about 200 people I was the only person who raised my hand.

For those of you who don't know.. bikram studios can see a bit cult like.. well not the studio itself but Mr.Bikram certainly seems to have some cult like status.. I feel like a weirdo there too.. I don't buy everything he says.. some of it isn't even good science.. and I don't go to yoga to show my devotion to him... buddhists stopped using the mudra for adoration quite a while ago. I struggle to find my balance in the practice there because of this tho. I feel alone there because of that... I recognize some of the idealization from my upbringing, it's not comphy for me.

My optimistic ways, my love of living, my lack of fear for dying but only wanting it to come when it comes, not too soon not too late, just when it does.. I dunno all the stuff that goes on in my mind.. when I sit and think about things.. I feel really pretty weird indeed... like where do I fit and it feels like nowhere, I keep so much of what I think to myself.. because I know that it is not widely accepted nor would it be well received by many. And it's lonely, pretty lonely at times. It's the lack of being related to, or relating to others, not here so much.. you guys are awesome that way.

I know you guys feel like this a lot too. like a little too weird, or I dunno.. just off.. would it be easier to go with the flow of the others.. blend in.. I don't really mind the not fitting in part.. it's ok, the loneliness tho... I crave the deep connections, meeting of the souls.. and it's so hard to come by... here I have found that. But I still feel like I need the physical and I cannot make that happen...

If there is one thing in life I think I am lacking it is the meeting of the souls.. how does one fulfill that ? I have felt it before a long time ago... I will never forget the feeling.. I still get it with people here sometimes.. but I always pull myself back in because I think it's too weird anyways.. no I don't think it's too weird.. I think it weird others out. I don't know if any of this is really important.. but I think about it often. Maybe I am soul shy??

If we are all of one, and all connected how come I feel lonely at the soul? Ok this maybe better in the spiritual forum or something .. but I'd rather talk about it to people I know who know me back. This is something I would like to change.

Thanks for bareing with me if you read all that.

[roads]

I would have raised my hand too.
* hugs galore *

I wonder--often now, Oct thru Feb being my withdrawing-to-the-cave-meditate-on-my-weirdness cycle--whether people like who, who I felt connected with immediately the day we met here, would be that way in person. There are a couple others from here I feel so soul-matched with.

Only last night I was talking to a woman after work about this sort of thing. She feels isolated from like souls. She's a librarian ... and libraries are being to a large extent dismantled now. She feels as if she is being dismantled too. Maybe that is part of aging.

You are such a neat, nifty, terrific, fantabulous lady ... My dearest Anika.

Roadie

[Anika.]

That is interesting Roadie, I wonder that too, and come to the conclusion.. I think they would be, well maybe differ slightly than how we perceive them.. I think they would still carry the same things we felt drawn too.

How do we get the soul across the net and the typing.. In the cave? Over tea.. over sitting near? That is always lifting for me. I remember one day... long time ago... someone said something to me as they road right in.. I will never forget when they came near.. that's pretty special.

Interesting about the librarian.. kind of sad.. but I hope her soul remains despite any dismantling going on around her.

The rest is all right back at you.. still being soul shy, you can maybe "feel" what I think of you.. I sure hope so.

[Anika.]

I found this...

" Yet despite its toughness, the soul is also shy. Just like a wild animal, it seeks safety in the dense underbrush, especially when other people are around. If we want to see a wild animal, we know that the last thing we should do is go crashing through the woods yelling for it to come out. But if we will walk quietly into the woods, sit patiently at the base of a tree, breathe with the earth, and fade into our surroundings, the wild creature we seek might put in an appearance. We may see it only briefly and only out of the corner of an eye—but the sight is a gift we will always treasure as an end in itself."

Spirit in physical is silly.. spirit transcends the physical... but what is that.. that electrifying exciting powerful soul thunder I felt in times in the physical ... the one that makes me levitate in bliss... ?

[faerie_moon_x]

I would have raised my hand. But I think that question was a surface question and worded incorrectly or understood incorrectly. "Who likes money" should probably be "who likes having money." Yes, I like having money because we need it in this stupid society. But I hate money. It is truely the root of all evil.

I agree it's hard to get a soul connection. Very hard. I don't think that has anything to do with bipolar. I think it's just life. Even if we're all connected, we're not fully concious of it. If we were, then we'd be too powerful for this life. This life is like a training ground. Training for what? I don't know. That's just how it feels.

It's very, very, very hard for me to even try to connect. Partially due to my past, partially due to paranoia. Oddly, I'm an extremely trusting person at my core. So, people took advantage of that, and now I survive against my nature to protect myself.

[Trippin2.0]

I would have had the 4th hand raised Anika Soul connection, mahn I haven't felt that IRL for ages, and even when there's an inkling that I could experience that connection, it somehow doesn't manifest, wether I sabotage it or not... I feel like a lone soul too, nobody IRL to REALLY connect to, and yes, partly bcoz I'm weird, I admit. For now tho, my soul connections with my PC sisters and Mama Roadie are ample and safe

[LadyShadow]

I would have raised my hand too. I went years without having a haircut, manicure, pedicure (ugh!). I went years with just living off of sandwiches and just going to the grocery store every 5 weeks. Money is just so we need things to eat, I think that's it. I have the same shoes from 6 years ago. The same clothes from 3 years ago. I don't have an Ipad or fancy phone. Money buys you all that. But that isn't me.

I see what you're saying about the connection. I connect more here with people than I do in real life. Can your shy soul travel through the internet? I think it can, in more ways than one. I understand the need for the physical connection. If I could reach over and hold your hand, or anyone's hand on psych central and just squeeze it and say "its going to be alright" and have someone do the same for me, it would mean the world to me.

This internet connection we have though here on PC, brings together all the "weird ones". We are all here, And we are with you. Especially me