[Cocosurviving]

My day is kinda ok. It's raining outside which usually puts me in a low depressed mood. I have no plan to get out today. Prob be on PC a lot today. Right now I feel mellow

[james70]

a little cranky to say the least long night not much sleep

Thought I was coming out of the hypo, but wondered when looking at 3 texts in rapid succession (all listing things that got done, which was lots) and later that day BF commenting on the hypo. When I said I thought it was over, he laughed. He said he can always tell even just in the talking, let alone everything else. Lots of words, lots of talking and rapid fire. Oh. That. So much for insight.

But today I was really down. Like.... sucking the air out of an open-air stadium down. It was situational though (which made soul-crushing words repeat over and over and over in my head). Not sure what effect this might have. The flat-out feeling of annihilation has abated, but it's going to be a damn long time (if ever) that I get over what was expressed. Probably never. It meshes all too well with an already existing trigger/issue that's been hitting hard. ****. Really didn't need this one added on, bringing self-doubt to epic proportions.

[Cocosurviving]

My day has been good. Depression did not win.
I was pretty motivated today. I stayed inside
but I completed a lot of tasks.
1. Washed dishes
2. Mopped the kitchen floor
3. Washed and folded a load of laundry
4. Cooked pork chops and green beans
(I hadn't cooked since Oct)

My issues were pretty much non-existant today. I love days like this but dread them cause I already KNOW the pendulum is gonna swing back the other way and I will be one depressed man before long...but till then.....WOO HOO!

[Victoria'smom]

I have yet to cry today

well... off to work. some days are better for me than others, but I know that the day has to end sooner or later, and I don't want to look back and have regrets about how I handled the day. sometimes I take it hour by hour, and other times I take it minute by minute.

sometimes it changes throughout the day, in fact, I count on it! a bad part of the day soon turns into a descent part, just as long as I make it through the bad parts without letting it ruin me for the day. I don't let it ruin me anymore... I used to. a lot. but now it is like a choice... do I put in the work or just let the day be wasted? Ha! of course I'll put in the work and move past it as quickly as possible. I'm accountable to many people in my life and I owe it to them to move past the negative points in my life as quickly as possible so I can be there for them.

just my thoughts on today....
I like typing out my thoughts, never really done it before. It's fun.

I'm depressed and it hurts physically in my chest and in my stomach and in my head. I don't want to breathe.

[Moreta]

I'm so drowsy today. I took more provigil at lunch, so I feel a bit better now. I even went to bed at 9:30 last night. Oh well.

I was super busy at work this morning, and almost forgot to go to lunch. I have payroll to do now, so I'm going to be busy the rest of the afternoon.

[Cocosurviving]

I stayed up later than I usually do and paid
for it this morning. I was so sleep. I decided
to stay up for myself. I called and filed a formal
complain against my pdoc's office, for not retuning
my calls on two separate occasions. I feel better now.
I skipped breakfast but I'm abt to eat lunch.

The ups and downs seem to be passing by like the landscape while driving down the road. Fortunately I am also able to LET them pass by like the landscape...I am just an observer when it gets like this and that SEEMS to be working for me for now.

[Victoria'smom]

Death in the family, wont be back for about 2 weeks, this is not how I wanted to skip my pdoc appointment.

really not much to report at all.... just watching the summer pass me by while everyone gets on with stuff

can't do much with no support. so

not been feeling too suicidal lately though- which i suppose is a good thing.

just feeling bleh... what to really do with myself- you know?

wanting to die- but not wanting to at the same time

Hahahaha, another happy day! Feeling buzzed!

[roads]

Ive found the therapy cat I've been looking for. He's a bobtail orange guy, 3-yrs old, walks on a harness ... very sweet and attentive. It will be so good to have someone waiting for me to come home and glad to see me.

Much improvement last 2 days. Maybe the hypo is gone. Doing alright. Glad to not have gone into depression. Stay tuned, lol. One never knows...But so far, so good.

I have been off meds now for a month...some of the racing thoughts and relentless thoughts are back, but not nearly as out of control as they once were.....I used to have so much noise in my head I just couldnt get to my rational and normal thoughts. I am using lots of music therapy and concentrating on being happy as opposed to fretting over every little thing like i used to. It takes a little while to do this with everyting, but I am kinda glad to be off the meds. Kinda.

[Moreta]

Today has been pretty horrible.

having an okay day so far.

same old same old today, apart from watching emmerdale later, not really doing much.

I'm struggling emotionally
struggling with loneliness
I want quality friends who
care about me. I don't have
anyone except my very aging Mother
who is 72 once she is gone I have no one.
My Dad has been dead for 6 years now.
I try to reach out for support on here but
for the most part I'm ignored.
Don't think I'll be a member here.
Thanks for asking.
Cause I don't feel like I'm even
listened to.

[Moreta]

i feel a break down coming.

[kala83]

this month has just been really bad for bipolar it went from not being so bad to just shooting through the roof and I have gotten a lot judgement and judgement from people. Due to my bipolar just going as bad as it has.

But when I think back on it this how my life has been for a long time. How I will have long periods of normancy and then periods where I just don't know what all is going on. But things go on that make people get mad at me and they scream and yell at me.....and call me crazy...in the meanist ways. I just need to learn how to deal and cope with stuff better for myself and for others around me.

I guess building friendships for me is going to always be hard too.

[Cocosurviving]

My morning was rocky, didn't get enough sleep,
damn insomnia is winning. I skipped Bible study,
but did attend MI support group. Group was
good, I did a lot of sharing.

[kala83]

can't get my head to stop replaying the even of having my ex dom yelling at me on the street how I was bat shi* crazy and was not welcome anywhere him or his shop any more.
I feel emtionally traumatized and horrifed, by someone I put a lot of trust into....and in the end was slapped in the face the cruelest of ways. I know I have "real" friends that will always be there for me but feeling threatened in such way shock my sould up side down.