[Camilla]

I 've come on here to get myself through the night- I'm pretty sure that I am soon to be dignosed with Bipolar.

Ive been on Prozac for depression since I was 16. By twenty I had been anorexic, and have been a bulimic since I was 21 (I am 28 now). Since the age of 23 my depression has been getting worse, and I now find it hard to function. I don't work, I sleep for literally days at a time, I drink too much and do drugs to try to cope. Occasionally, I'll have a few 'good' days where the cloud lifts and I can be normal- but I used to be normal for weeks or months, now its only days. I have been getting more and more suicidal thoughts, and I'm scared to be alone because I don;'t trust myself.

My mum is making me go to the doctor again, but I'm scared she'll just say its the same old depression and nothing will change. Plus, its so hard for me to actually get up and DO things in the daytime, so I'm always cancelling appointments that I know I need.

I have been on 60 mils of fluoxetine (prozac) for years now in an attempt to control the bulimia, and I've had CBT.

Nothing seems to help and I don't know how to make the doctor understand how desperate I have become. I have seriously contemplated overdosing so that they will have to help me.

Can anyone give me any advice? And even if I am diagnosed and medicated...will it actually make a difference?

I don't really feel like other people understand how low I feel when I do feel low- it seems like the people on here will understand. I'm sorry I've gone on so much, just feeling a bit desperate.

[TXMeme]

I really understand where you're coming from. For years my doctor kept putting me on all different kinds of anti-depressants and they would work for a few days and then in a few weeks I was right back where I started. I never could quite make my doctor understand just how bad it was without making myself sound like someone who was just wanting a little extra attention. I ended up having to switch doctors and got lucky with this one and she is very determined to make sure my meds are all correct. I can't promise you that if you are diagnosed as being Bipolar that the first meds they put you on will help. I've been through just about everything out there (or at least that's how it seems) and I'm just now, one year later, getting some emotional stability. I still have my bad days, no matter what meds you get on and how well they work, the bad days will still come. My opinion of meds for mental illness is that they give you 50% of what you need and the other 50% comes from you. Hang in there, keep your doctor's appointments and give it some time and it will get better.

[Camilla]

Thanks for that- it's good to think that someone understands. I went to the doctor today and have been referred to the community mental health team for assessment. Part of me is relieved that SOMETHING is happening, part of me is struggling with the idea of being nuts- I know thats not the best way of looking at it but its hard not to!! I could tell by the questions that the doctor was asking that he thought that bipolar disorder was a strong possibility. So, now its just a case of waiting to see what happens next!

At least I didn't feel quite so ignored this time!

Thanks again, I really do appreciate that you took the time to answer xxx

[TXMeme]

It's my pleasure to be able to talk and possibly help someone. In the past year I've had plenty of times when I needed someone to talk to and looked in all sorts of places and found nothing. As far as the whole "being crazy" thing, I think that's a perfectly natural way to feel. When my doctor said I was Bipolar in that moment and for a day or so after I felt as if I had just been told I was terminally ill and was going to die. I had no resources to help myself understand what was going on, other than the fact that my mom is a mental health nurse and had heard her horror stories about her patients who are Bipolar. So, naturally I was terrified. Even more so when my doctor kept changing my meds every two weeks because they either didn't work at all or had worked and then stopped working. I'm always looking for new ways to help myself cope and help others cope as well. It seems that my mind can never find enough information on the subject. I know that things will start to get better for us all. We are not "crazy" (even though we feel that we are sometimes) we're just fighting a different kind of fight.

My love to you all!

i understand also. i was misdiagnosed for years. i've finally gotten on a mix of drugs that help me to be more "normal"........keep posting, as there are tons of helpful people here. xoxo pat

[Camilla]

Well, I went back to the doctor and I could tell by the questions he was asking me that he though I might be bipolar. Anyway, I've been kept on the same meds for now, but also referred to the community mental health team. I'm scared, but also just want a diagnosis, ya know! Thank you all for being here....the fact that you all dony seem crazy is such a help!
xxx

[Achieve]

<font color="purple"> </font> Please please please don't do that! I have those feelings all the time. When it gets to the point where I have given up I call someone. Wheather it's my psychiatrist or my therapist or a friend I just call for help. I hope you have someone to talk to. If not call on me or go online to chat. I think that helps to get our minds off things.

[Achieve]

Welcome to our group!