[peaches86]

I dont know whats wrong with me..i am so screwed up. I feel so horrible and have been irrational for days. Ive been day dreaming of my death and how i feel that things would be so much better if i were gone. I dont know if its the meds or if im just in a deep depression. It seemed as though the meds are helping me stay more calm so i dont want to say its that yet as ive only been taking them now for little over a week. Ive been having thoughts of wanting to injure myself. Im a self mutilator from way back in childhood..started around age 6 with pinching leaving bruises on myself and teachers confronting my parents about it. I had to explain it was me after i tried blaming my brothers for beating me up when they didnt..anyways i havnt hurt myself in yrs and just keep having the thought of wanting to and how it would releas some of my anger and frustrations. I know its not a good thought and i need to see my counselor or doc but i wont see them till the 24th of jan. Getting appts with them is difficult. I am just tired..tired of everything and how im feeling. I dont know how im going to feel in the next hour let alone the next min. Im lost i feel so alone though i know im not. But i feel as if i was the only one who cared and now i dont even care anymore. Im not crying poor me..i just need a release..a healthy way to vent. I have no concentration so reading and tv or even writing this is difficult. I am just not sure where to go from here. I havnt been online in awhile and am sorry i hvant been able to keep up with everyone. I hope everyone had a good christmas and too has a good new year.

[ManicD]

I've been pretty low before. I wanted it all to end. I used to blame myself. I used to blame everyone else. There was two main things I found that I used to help myself get better. You have to first help how you feel at the moment. At the same time you have to help how you feel in the future. There are many ways to do this and I will go through a few easy ways.

The first part is getting yourself to feel good right now. You could find a game online that you like. Simple games, puzzles, shooting, blowing things up, funny games, anything you can find that you like. Keep looking and trying to find something you like. Try addictinggames.com and newgrounds.com but they are countless other websites.

Another thing you can do is browse reddit.com It has feel good stories, pictures, humour, silly things, weird things. etc.

Basically these are things that will keep your mind occupied and distracted. It's a release from your day. It's your own personal time. It's anything you want it to be.

The second main important thing is eating. You have to eat, maybe not perfect but be sure to get enough protein such as beef, eggs, fish, chicken, milk etc.
Food is a medicine. Medicine will be your food. If you want to feel better in the future such as two hours from now, make sure you eat. Food will fix the future. You can fix the now.

[peaches86]

Thank you so much for the advice. I have an xbox and a ps2 which i enjoy better and recently bought a sims game and played that for a bit which kinda took me away from myself. I forced myself to eat though ive had no apetite for days. I at least try to force myself to eat once a day. My mind feels so warped from what i used to feel like at the moment...almost like fried..like im on drugs or something. I hate that feeling. I feel confused with life and just really lost as to why i still exsist. I dont feel like crying out for help as i feel alone yet want to feel alone? I dont know whats wrong with me. And too im not sure why i keep trying to figure it out as im diagnosed with so many things that im not sure which phase im trying to help? Sorry if this seems not to make sense..i dont feel like i make sense.

Peaches, in my view, I think it would be a smart idea to ask your doctor the next
time you visit him to have some blood work done to determine if you might be having
some blood chemistry problems. You could need some boosting of vitamin levels
or have med changes to help with the moods.

Please don't lose hope. There is so much that can be done to improve your feeling tone, and the doctors will help you if you let them know the extent of your depression.

You can be better, that's for sure, with proper treatment, and from where I sit,
I think you're very smart to keep a good doctor who will find the right chemistry for you. Everyone searches for that, it seems to me.

Have you ever considered taking the omega 3 and 6 fatty acids? They've been a
big help to me. Of course, what works for one may not work for another.

Best wishes to you.

Genetic

[Lomika]

Originally Posted by genetic

Peaches, in my view, I think it would be a smart idea to ask your doctor the next
time you visit him to have some blood work done to determine if you might be having
some blood chemistry problems. You could need some boosting of vitamin levels
or have med changes to help with the moods.

Please don't lose hope. There is so much that can be done to improve your feeling tone, and the doctors will help you if you let them know the extent of your depression.

You can be better, that's for sure, with proper treatment, and from where I sit,
I think you're very smart to keep a good doctor who will find the right chemistry for you. Everyone searches for that, it seems to me.

Have you ever considered taking the omega 3 and 6 fatty acids? They've been a
big help to me. Of course, what works for one may not work for another.

Best wishes to you.

Genetic

What a nice reply, it was great to read it.

[peaches86]

Originally Posted by genetic

Peaches, in my view, I think it would be a smart idea to ask your doctor the next
time you visit him to have some blood work done to determine if you might be having
some blood chemistry problems. You could need some boosting of vitamin levels
or have med changes to help with the moods.

Please don't lose hope. There is so much that can be done to improve your feeling tone, and the doctors will help you if you let them know the extent of your depression.

You can be better, that's for sure, with proper treatment, and from where I sit,
I think you're very smart to keep a good doctor who will find the right chemistry for you. Everyone searches for that, it seems to me.

Have you ever considered taking the omega 3 and 6 fatty acids? They've been a
big help to me. Of course, what works for one may not work for another.

Best wishes to you.

Genetic

Thanks a bunch for the advice. I will make sure to ask my doc for some blood work as i also think im having some throid issues as well. Ive not tried the omega 3 or 6 but i will definitly look into it. I did usually take a daily vitamin but it was makign me sick so now i only take it every three days or so instead of daily. It was nice to read your reply as it gave me hope thank you soo much! I hope to feel better soon and to be able to get back to feeling like i can again help others as well.

[BlueInanna]

I was found to have Vit D deficiency several months ago. I feel so much better since adding the supplements. Genetics advice on omega3's and fresh lemon juice are gems of helpful natural info.

[manicminer]

Keep up the good work, peaches. Your status update says it all. Just one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, one appt at a time, one treatment goal at a time, one accomplishment at a time until you reach: one sucessful recovery at a time.

[peaches86]

Thanks everyone so very much. I cant explain my deepest gratitude i have for the site. It brings me so much comfort in knowing im not alone. Ive been feeling a bit better these last two days..still somewhat confused with reality and such but im holding on for dear life and thankful that i have people here who care. Really thank you all

[hamster-bamster]

Peaches, eating once a day is insufficient both in general and to maintain a level mood. You need to eat at least three times a day and include a source of protein with every meal. Since you have a small appetite, use small portions, say one hard-boiled eggs or. Some PB or some hummus and do not skip meals because doing so is bad for your blood sugar.