Ever thought maybe I'm not BP and I'm taking meds for no reason?

Firstly I might point out its 6 am, I haven't slept and I'm not tired! And I skipped 2 lots of meds this week.
But all I can think about is that maybe I'm not BP.
I know I definitely have depression, that much is obvious but I've been diagnosed bp2 so the hypomanias are not as obvious. And we're looking at 10 years ago since I've been on antidepressants.
I keep on thinking that the behaviour I had back then was probably fairly normal for a 20 year old college student - drinking, not sleeping, hypersexuality. The incident where I walked around the edge of the roof of a nine story building was normal elation due to meeting the guy of my dreams. I don't doubt that there was some mood instability, on antidepressants my mood was fluctuating a lot. But maybe I'm more of a med induced BP and all I need to do is stay off antidepressants. They didn't work anyway. I am being crazy or am I finally sane?

Trying to figure out what is endogenous and what is AD-induced is an understandable, valid concern.

I heard BP can lessen with age.

And some people are just crazy in their teens and early adulthood... and then it passes. Just difficult transition.

So it's not all that unreasonable and "your illness lying to you" or case of "denial" to wonder. What were you doing other then meds to get better? I am not even talking nutrition and excercise... but how much do you identify yourself with the "illness"? Sometimes that can cause trouble on its own.... as you explain everything in these terms and don't look for the real causes.

(I hoped this was my case, but gah. 28 and still crazy).

In my case, the mood part of this disorder is better but the sleep part is worse. Before I could. Sleep without drugs and now I need something. Oh well. Age.

I heard that BP lessens with age once before and read an interesting article but then could never found it again. I wasn't particularly convinced by the article and everything I've read before or dice points to worsening with age. I'd love to find that article or some like it again if anyone has the link. It was posted on here but I can't find it.

Haven't slept, not tired, do your hypomania's start this way ?
When I get Hypomanic to manic I always question my diagnosis. for me it is because my judgement becomes impaired and it just feels so so good. I begin to think this isn't an illness. But I am always wrong. One of two things happens I get so manic I end up in the hospital or I crash so hard I end up in the hospital.

I am 56 had my first episode at 14. My illness has become worse with age.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0929141530.htm

here's one.

Speed yep it's def a warning sign for me. My manias aren't bad cos I'm BP 2 but the crashes are not fun.
Thanks Venus, that was the one I was looking for. I'll check out the papers tomorrow.

I think more than 'a sign of our illlness' questioning the dx is a natural intelligent thing to do. I mean, would any of us want chemo if we weren't certain we had cancer? No, we'd make damn sure we are being treated accurately! For me, I briefly questioned it, did the math, and the answer is yes, I hardly think it irrational to ask questions. About it being med-induced, I wouldn't know, but my symptoms became more pronounced on meds. Wether its was psychological 'I'm ill, I act ill' or meds I'll never know

Thanks thinker, I'm glad you've been good off meds. When I was first taking meds it was like the meds and my brain were fighting to see which would win - the mood or the med. this med combo has been great except the problem taking meds at night cos of nausea. I don't know if I'm just being an idiot messing with something that works. I need to talk with my pdoc but he's on holidays for a month.

I struggle with this too. Especially when my hypos start, I'll think I was just depressed and now I'm back to normal and feeling good. But even when my mood is normal, I think maybe I'm not bipolar. Almost everyday I tell myself, I;m not taking these meds in the morning but then I do because I think just maybe that's the right thing to do. I dunno.

Thanks high priestess. Do you take your abilify in the evening or morning?

I take it in the morning. It doesn't make me tired or anything.

Why dont you get something for the nausea? Or dont those help? yeah, its funny tho, I quit my bp meds, only for my gp to insist I take AD's to help me relax and lesson the fibro. Whats up with that right?

I was under the impression that there is no cure for bipolar, so if you ever had it you still have it? To find out if you ever had it, google for one of those bipolar questionairre/checklists to see if you hit enough points to be considered bipolar.

I feel that way alot actually I think my doctor misunderstood my awesome times as mania maybe it was just me feeling good the longest I ever stayed up was two days. So I feel for ya. I wonder the same things but I do know the medication I'm on has helped my depression at least. So maybe he is right idk.

I remember that questionnaire. It was a joke---I think it said if you scored over 20 points, you were "very likely" bipolar. I scored 44.

As for the illness getting better with age, I've found the opposite to be true. I've probably had it most of my life, but was able to get away with being undiscovered until last year when something---I don't know what---crossed over in me and turned it on full blast. I'm 54 and had looked forward to being contented and wise and mellow at this age......yet I feel like I'm in a battle for my life.

usbusi: I was diagnosed by a really good clinic that did an extensive computer evaluation followed by a discussion with a psych. I don't think there was much doubt at the time and my current pdoc agrees with the diagnosis. It's not really rational to think I'm not BP but I still do. Maybe I answered the questions wrong or maybe the behaviours were actually normal not abnormal. It all gets so blurry when it was so long ago...

Clinte: totally get you on the short manias - the problem with BP II and rapid cycling. Apparently you are meant to have a history of at least one hypomania of at least 4 days for diagnosis as BP II but like you say if the meds help the depression... so idk either. Meds have helped my depression too which was treatment resistant to just antidepressants alone.

BP Nurse: sorry that you have gotten worse with age and are struggling at the moment. hope you can get things under control soon. That's what I'd always heard too - untreated BP gets worse with age.... kindling theory and all...

Thanks all for your responses...

It has been a long time so I am not certain about that but I think that a normal pregnancy can give you sleep problems, right around how far along you are.

Its hard to say, I feel manic right now so I can answer this post. I was in bed almost asleep ready to go to bed then something triggered me. Now my ambien isn't helping me sleep. Nothing is. I am cycling right now and I feel it. My bipolar has gotten better with age, like I am more mellowed out and social. But at the same time where I am just up like ALL NIGHT, with no sleep in sight for the future. Its crazy

Trippin, the Amitriptyline that I take, and in particular ten to twenty mg which is. A very lowdose, is a muscle relaxant. At higher doses it acts as an AD but at low doses it relaxesthe muscles and promotes sleep without side effects. Can it help with the fibro pain, I wonder. It is an old cheap medication; worth a try, I. Believe.

He gave me citalopram and ethipramine 10mg to help me relax, he says I'm too stressed and too high-strung, and thats why I'm in pain... Why not just give me a muscle relaxant

Muscle relaxers typically do nothing for Fibro issues

Guess I'll have to take dr's advice and take brain relaxants...

I know when I was first diagnosed I did not believe it even when everyone said I was so different on he lithium. Then when I had to stop taking the lithium and the lamictal stopped working and I became completely unstable I know now that I am bipolar.