Ever thought maybe I'm not BP and I'm taking meds for no reason?

Yes. I have often thought that I may not have Bipolar. I don't have to be completely manic to think like that either. I rapid cycle, so those feelings of being completely normal are short lived, and when depression strikes, I have no doubt at all and am glad I continued taking my mood stabilisers.

I think, sometimes, that just forgetting how overwhelmed or out of control I felt at some stage is part of my problem (my forgettory is stronger than my memory), rather than denial or anosognosia or anything like that. It only takes a small dip or rise in a cycle to dispel my false sense of security.

So I don't think it is a question of craziness or sanity.

Oh that is right, Christina, and Ami... did not work for your sleep either - now I remember, you posted about it.

There is a. Thing called observational equivalence. Two or more diffeerrent processes can result in the same observable phenomena. Say you take meds and are doing great. It may be because the meds are doing an awesome job or it may be because you were misdiagnosed in the first place and do not need the meds. Two completely. Different explanations behind one observable phenomenon.

Good point hammy. I am at the right age to "recover" as per VenusHalleys's article.

Great news.

I frequently question my diagnosis. The only (well, mostly) reason I still consider it is because my psychiatrist is a very good clinition. That and the fact that i do better on my meds (although I have never been on them longer that 2 months in a row) and i definetly have some depression stuff that 's not normal. But I wonder-so much is attitudes and thoughts and poor coping-maybe that is truly my problem, not BP. My doc says no, but I am not convinced. I am still trying to find my answers. I've been off my meds and monitoring. Trying different things-how I cope/think. One thing I see for me is a **** load of self-centeredness. I do so much better when I am engaged with others-especially at my work. (ER) So, long story short, I don't think it is ever unhealthy to look at/question/wonder. Good luck to you in your search black pup!

I think everybody has some bad coping habits. Everybody has some quirks that are annoying, yet it's character flaw, not some brain-defect. Hence everybody can do something for themselves in this regard.

But it's not politicaly correct thing to say. I wonder if wifes of bipolar husbands believe that once their loved ones get their meds right, they will stop leaving the toilet seat up (okay, kidding here, but you get my point).

every time I feel this way, I have to think about the meds i am on.... they must be working right?

i am not following you... what do you mean?

Every time I feel like I'm not bp.... I think about my meds and think that this means that they are working. I love feeeling like I'm not bp, and I give the credit to the meds for making me feel that way. I remember what it was like growing up and such and i will take the 'i don't feel bp' any day over that.

So I am just giving the credit to the meds, that's all

Okay makes sense.

How long does your feeling of normality last? It always scares me when I feel that lol.

it lasts for as long as I function on autopilot and perform to expectations. the times that I don't have time to feel many emotions and I just perform. I feel normal then. I feel like a part of this world and like I fit in.

it's the times that i let myself feel my emotions that I sink back into my hole. that I have mood shifts. I fight it by not feeling.

Hey BlackPup!
Been meaning to respond since you first posted on this. I've got a headache that's starting to really shut my thinking down -- but that's not the point -- just don't want more days to go by without responding, so here the rather disjointed thoughts go!

Where you are in your pregnancy... I seem to recall there tends to be a trimester -- the middle one IIRC --that they talk about "happy hormones"? Maybe that's part of it?

Always ok to question. If you think it might have been med-induced all the more so. (As that's a "doesn't count" symptom in diagnostic criteria.)
Mine's gotten worse over the years, especially in regards to depression and "ups" being mixed with more bad stuff than when younger. A couple of thoughts on the article.... I couldn't help but be struck by the "growing out of it" thing. Which.... well, then it probably never was, right?! Prior to mid/late 20's there is typically... let's call it rambunctiousness ... and that alone does not a pathology make. And isn't that exactly the reason for the reticence in diagnosing too early (ie. teens)? Maybe it wouldn't be entirely wrong to push that reticence (even if lesser) forward a bit? Not saying there aren't pretty clear cut cases in that age frame (mine started for sure at 20, but probably a bit before), just that "outgrowing" it seems a pretty good indicator of misdiagnosis/over-diagnosis to me.

As for sleep, personally mine can get quite crazy and yet no other sign of being hypo. Guess it's like anything... "normal" is different for different people. Your own pattern is the best guide. Is it typical? Atypical?

Only real "advice" is to avoid any big decisions while "under the influence". Of pregnancy, that is(!) It can really have big effects. See where you are awhile down the road afterwards.

Thanks to all who have replied.
Tsunamisurfer: sorry you are constantly reminded of your BP by the depressions but glad the mood stabilisers help. Guess I'm convinced about the depressions but not sure about the hypomanias. Also I've been good for a while so the doubt creeps in (not that I'm complaining about being stable!)
Landskaperdan: glad the meds help
Noneedtoknow: I've changed a lot of my coping mechanisms since I was last depressed and wonder whether that would make a difference if I went of meds. Hope you stay ok off your meds.
VenusHalley: I wonder how much of our illness is society's pressure to be perfect and fit the mould. If we were accepted with our quirks would they have such a bad effect on us.
Innerzone: definitely in a good place with this pregnancy but not thinking of going off meds cos I know the post partum period will be tough to say the least but still can't help but wonder... I was diagnosed at 27 but had been medicated on antidepressants since my early twenties so the only non drug induced behaviours were when I was 20-21. I guess I'll talk with my pdoc about it next appt but that's not for a while.

Oh, absolutely.

I think that raising numbers of people with emotional problems... are caused by the socio-cultural factors. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's not that these problems were not "real". One doesn't need a brainscan to believe one's problems are genuine.
But despite what people may think... I think today stigma against emotional problems is much worse, and it doesn't help it's been made into medical issue.

We aren't taught to handle emotions. We are success driven society, but aren't taught to handle failure (and it's bound to happen). We are told not to cry. We are told we should never be "improper" (see, I have problem with the "hypersexuality" criterion... see Susana Kaysen (Girl Interrupted) questioning gender-view of promiscuity... plus we are bombarded with sex-as-fun from media... why is it okay for rappers to sleep with all the girls in club, but if you do it in real life, you should call your pdoc to have your meds upped?). And as for spending... isn't it what we are told to do? spend-spend-spend and all of sudden it's a symptom? (yes, I know it's about balance and it being a problem... but gah... i doubt that manic depressives in old times went to malls and had lot of random sex... it's a cultural thing).

so it comes to how we can handle ourselves... but are we ever taught that?

sorry, for the ramble... hope you are able to figure yourself out

Venus, for sure, the gender bias in the views on promiscuity does exist, unfortunately, but we have come a long way since Victorian England etc. There has been a lot of progress in the last couple of centuries, which we need to acknowledge for what it is - social progress. It probably was better than it is now during the hippie years of the 1960s, but still now it is better than during the nineteenth century so overall the trajectory is positive.

And, whatever we think of the hypersexuality definition in the DSM, we need to acknowledge that it is completely gender-neutral. There is nothing in the DSM that says that it is normal for a male to have multiple sexual partners concurrently but females should be confined to one lest they should be pronounced hypersexual and need to see a p-doc. The gender bias just is not there, and I hope that whoever applies the DSM does so in a gender-neutral fashion as well.

Blackpup,
Yikes, I didn't realize you were expecting. COngratulations!!!!!! Please do not go off meds if you are still on them unless ok'd by Dr. If you are just questioning-put it aside for now. It is not the time for action. Just enjoy your pregnancy. You are a hormonal hotbed right now. Please don't make a change. And your right, the potential for problems postpartum are well known. Again, relax and enjoy this extremly special time. You can always pick up the am I/arn't I later. Just an addendum-I decided I needed to quit fighting. I was getting into scary places again. When I wrote I had started on some of my meds. I am now on all. I really don't like it, but I really don't like where I was going either-scary. Anyway-cheers BP and I look forward to hearing more about your blessed event.

During the pregnancy with my second child, well before the bipolar dx, I had what is called "nesting" in American literature on pregnancy. In my case, it was not about decorating a nursery room but about cooking. I would get an urge to go grocery shopping AT NIGHT (our grocery store is open 24 hrs, conveniently) to buy ingredients for elaborate meals. Once, I needed Cassis - a french berry-based liqueur, to use in a dessert (now I do not make desserts but back then everything was fair game). It is a form of alcohol but you only need a bit and the final dish is non-alcoholic due to heating. At any rate, they refused to sell alcohol to me at the wee hour in the morning! I was so disappointed.

During the day, I did not get those urges. All the clerks at the grocery store knew me, their customary 2AM visitor, often the only one at the store.

I do not know if that was bipolar or just that normal nesting described in the books.