I can go as far as I let myself... ha!
it's kinda like a choice for me...
to keep it at bay and ignore and distance myself from it...
it works...

but if I look it in the eye...
then watch out... it will win every time and there is no bottom to hit anymore... no limits to how far I can fall...

but i don't have to look it in the eye...
but I get a glimpse sometimes...
out of morbid curiousity....

any one else relate to this?

can't look it in the eye no more...

beedy bipolar eyeballs of death of me an all around me...

not good

....

held the stare so many times and so much damage done

I just look away now

Yes! you get it!

do you also discard emotions as if they were toxic too? I do

I don't just discard them!

I launch them into outer space!

despite my manic depressive tendencies and suicidal dreams....?

..but the problem is ...

all my pain has been within for a while now...I guess 3 years nothing traumatic has happened from the outside...

I don't trust what I am capable of if things really upset me

....

awwwww... letting things upset you is the trigger then... got it!

I feel I deserve it when things feel that way, and I find solutions and stay calm just to spite the universe that made me this way. I act good out of spite and it became habit.