[Toruk]

Hey all,

I'm kinda new here, and would like to know whether there's any advice on explaining to those around me (family and friends) what I'm going through?

The emotional rollecoaster isn't much help in securing relationships between family members and friends, and I'm open to suggestions on explaining my situation to them.

By the way, I come from a very conservative society where mental illnesses are taboo in the society, which makes everything harder.

I don't exactly fit in, and have lost friends in the process of explaining myself.
My parents aren't exactly supportive in this and we aren't close, so I'm kinda alone in this...

(I'm new here, so i'm not sure what and how I'm supposed to seek help without sounding whiny. Thanks)

=]

[BipolaRNurse]

You have my sympathies, friend. I came from a background similar to yours in which mental illness was never even hinted at, let alone discussed (even though our family is lousy with alcoholism, depression, and at least one undiagnosed case of bipolar). So as you can imagine, asking for help was unthinkable.....we all just pretended nothing was wrong and went on about our lives.

Fast-forward several decades.....my parents are now long gone, and I'm diagnosed with BP. Getting help was the single smartest thing I've ever done in my life, even though I was madder than a wet cat when my primary care doctor referred me for a psych eval---and terrified that other people would find out and think badly of me. A year later, I'm still struggling with mood episodes and meds, but I'm no longer afraid of being "outed" as being bipolar, and I'm outspoken about fair treatment for people who didn't ask for this and are not at fault for having a mental disorder.

Yeah, sure, some people don't like me, and I know a few who think I'm "crazy" and unreliable, as I'm sure my parents would if they were still alive. The take-home lesson here is, it doesn't matter what other people think---if YOU don't take care of yourself and look out for your own mental health, who will?

You don't have to 'explain' yourself to anyone. Yes, it's good if you can garner support from your family and friends, and one of the best ways to do so is to educate them about bipolar disorder. There are handouts and books that you can give them which describe what you are going through---the physical and the mental, the chemical and the emotional. One of the books I heartily recommend is Bipolar Disorder for Dummies, which literally goes back to the ABC's of the illness and explains it in layman's terms.

Also, you can ask your psychiatrist to meet with you and your family, as sort of a go-between who can discuss what's going on with you. I was very fortunate when I was diagnosed; my husband, grown children, and sister were all curious about my condition and actually were relieved to know, finally, why I behaved the way I did. Bipolar explained almost everything they had observed in living with me all those years....properly informed, they were supportive and forgiving.

I suspect it will be the same for you at some point in the near future. Acceptance may take your family some time, but if they love you as they should, they will realize that your mental health is much more important than the "perfect" image they feel they need to present to the world. And as for losing friends over this.......well, they weren't really friends, now were they?

Wishing you the very best. Please keep us posted on how you're doing.

[JohnKelly]

First, don't worry, you are not sounding whiny at all. It sounds like you are in a tough spot. It sounds like you were recently diagnosed.

[kitty004567]

I too am in a rather closed-minded society. I found the best thing I could do for my family was drag them to therapy with me. The best thing happened to be a bipolar support group. It helped them to hear other people struggle with the same symptoms, other families who go through the emotional wringer.. One of those people with bipolar disorder described it as resembling a roadrunner cartoon similar to this one:

. Just when you think you're making progress, there's no ground left under your feet and an anvil falls on your head.

[BlueInanna]

Hi Toruk, just wanted to say welcome.

[perseverance11]

Hello Toruk,

What you could do is tell them that you are not feeling well in the moment and, they will probably ask you some questions. Don't put pressure on you, just relax and tell them gradually.

Have a nice day and I wish you the best!

this is a tricky situation, because.. well, i lose friends quicker than i gain them

with me, i've found that " i'm bipolar," tends to scare people off.. and i don't hear from them again

so what i tend to do now, is wait to see if they notice something- then they can ask me.. why are you like this?. or like that?. why do you do this- and i can try and explain (without using mental health terms) and though it's probably not the best way, i find people are more likely to listen to me if i say something like, well.. i have mood swings and anger issues, but i really don't know why- it gives them the impression that they could try and help you get through it and be their for you

What I did was set up an initial session with my T then after a few sessions with her, I invited my parents to join in on a session. It may help them realize that this is really real if they hear it from a professional.

[ParchworkQuilt]

Hi I'm new here too. I am looking for the answer to that question myself, one of the main reasons I am on here. The relationships that I struggle with the most are with family who also have mental illness, but it's also hard to just be myself around people who do not have mental illness. For example when I am just pushing so hard (like today) to do basic things like get out of bed and take care of my kids I will end up chatting with another mom (our daughters know each other, she is not my friend). She often complains she just can't cope with getting ready for her next holiday or her nanny quit, etc. I can't relate. Im not saying everyone I know is like that but a lot of people I know are and it is very frustrating. Anyway I just wanted to say you're not the only one who wonders about this stuff.