Back home

My 11 day whirlwind trip to Florida to see my Daughter has come to an end and I'm back home safe.

I was on the go all the time. Universal Studios Theme park ! mad dash to ride all the scarey roller coasters and wander into the wonderful world of Harry Potter, Yes I read the books and I'm a 46 year old fan! Yes, I have the Wand to prove it. Butter Beer is fantastic ! and I brought home a Chocolate frog ! ( Sorry non Harry Potter fans if this makes no sense)

Saw an ole friend that I had not seen in 8-9 years. He is a wonderful Human! I am grateful to call him a friend.
Met a new friend I had only talked to online. She had already made a huge impression in my life, Now to have met in real life and talked laughed and hugged .. Priceless !

I got my first Tattoo. A Dragonfly, My daughter also got one .. Special meaning for us both .. A tribute to my Father.

On the go constantly! Ate too much, Had some "adult beverages" Slept to little, Forgot more doses of medications than I would probably admit to myself let alone my T on Wednesday LOL

I am certain I am forgetting many things that I could continue to ramble on about lol. Visited the many local restaurants I use to go too.

My pain levels have been ridiculous right from the get go. Pure refusal to let Fibro hold me back kept me going I would guess. I am crashing and not sure where the bottom will be. But that's okay. I expected it to happen. I pushed and pushed myself way beyond my physical limits,Many times in tears and very emotional moments... I will now pay the price.....

The memories and fun that I had are worth whatever hole I sink into.

That's wonderful you had such a great trip. Try not to let yourself sink to far without help. Enjoy your chocolate frog.

Christina, so glad you are home safe and that you had a fabulous trip. I hope you dont crash too hard or too far, you pushed yourself for a great reason, but any which way it goes, we'll be here ps, I also want a chocolate frog!

Thanks ! I am watching myself really close. I am in bed right now and have been all day, mainly due to the pain.

Chocolate frogs for everyone

Im so glad you had such a good trip! It sounds like it was fantastic!! I hope the pain settles down. Just glad you had so much fun, you really deserved it!

I am very jealous of your visit to Harry Potter world! I have been to Universal but it was before this addition, and my whole family are huge HP fans.

I am so glad that you had a great time, and you could enjoy it all even with your pain. I am sorry that you have to go through so much to enjoy yourself. Maybe the great memories will help to endure the pain.

Bluemountains

Christina, amazing Christina!

I know so few people with the ability to re-live thoroughly memories in a way delicious enough to make pain worth the putting-up-with. You must have a secret gear that kicks in like in the old Hudson. You love life, completely embracing it, and maybe that lets you accept these results of the demanding travel, too.

I hate to think of you in so much pain ... but it delights me to know you have all those memories to wrap yourself in and you're back with your dog!!

Roadie

Thanks Anika it really was a much needed trip all the way around. How are you feeling? I hope better !

Blue ! Oh you would love it, just love it ! Its so authentic looking, not cheesy/cheap looking at all. Even non Harry Potter fans would love the rides and atmosphere !

Oh Roadie ! Thank you for such kind words. I have pretty much been in bed since I got home due to the pain.. It's okay. Eventually, the pain will lessen a bit and I am doing loads of meditation to hopefully help it along. I had a few moments today where the pain got ahead of me and I sobbed like a 4 year old. Wasn't pretty at all. Ha !
My Dog is stretched out along side of me, Hes not been more than 4 feet away from me since I got home he makes a perfect heating pad !

Christina, you are one brave woman and my hero for living life to the fullest despite the illnesses. I hope you do not crash too low.

Sounds like an awesome spontaneous adventure If I ever get a tattoo it would probably be a bird...
Hope you're not having a big crash. How are you?

Oh ohhh ohhh when do we get to see the tattoo????? Dragonflies are my special secret bringers of good news!

Pretty pleeeease!!

I want to write more but I am having gallbladder attacks all week. Not a good feeling. I am ok tho. Miss you tons, miss all of you.

I hope you got to take lots of pictures of your adventure. So glad you got to meet someone special and them you!! You are both lucky and lovely my dearests. I think I might shed a few joyful sentimental tears over that.

Well here it is...as my day progressed I have felt myself slipping and sliding down into hell, I'm in so much pain I honestly don't care if I live or die..

I saw my T and he knew I was heading for trouble, we agreed to have the wait and see approach, we went over my "Plan" in case I need it. Suicidal thoughts are in my face (more than normal). I want to cut, I want to run away, I want to go to bed and just stay there. I'm tired of crying. I hate that no matter how hard I tried there seems no avoiding this crash. No way to relieve my pain. I'm going to load up on sleep meds and hope I sleep.

I'm a weepy pissed off, rage filled, headed for a horrible depression or worse , maybe a mixed episode?

Yes I started on my Haldol.. I'm sure that will increase my already off the charts pain.

Sorry I had to rant/vent or I would explode and drive my car into a tree.

There us a notion of anti-climax which is what perfectly normal people feel at the end of fun. Probably Bipolar people experience anti-climax in all its frightening glory, amplified by a lot.

Possible. I really think its this unrelenting pain, it has pushed me in the past to need a hospital stay due to being suicidal.

This just sucks.

Do what you need to do. If you can't stand the pain and its making you self harm call psych ER. I wish you had better fibro meds!!!

This sucks indeed, after such a wonderful event-filled experience to be in the throes of pain.

((((((Christina)))))) So terribly sorry you're hurting inside and out I was really hoping for a soft landing

Last nite just laid in bed having a pretty big pity party for myself... have only gotten out of bed a few times today.. I thought ok, I can handle this.. I thought I was doing okay until .. I went into the kitchen and the ice maker "dropped" ice into the bin and then the dogs were being jerk about there dog bowl ..I felt completely out of control I wanted to scream, break things I felt consumed by rage. I have never felt this out of control ... I have always been sensitive to noises .. But WHAT THE HELL? I have never lost control like this. I found my husband told him I needed a hug and I just sobbed uncontrollably .. He kept saying it will be okay .. Yeah OK ! This horrific pain + hallucinations + poor sleep+ thoughs of cutting+ suicidal thoughts... Yeah sure, I so see how everything will be ok.

Pdoc wants me on Seroquel for " a while" .. No.. Hell No .. I refuse to go back on that evil **** ! I will muddle through this. Things have to get better they just have to.

Thanks

I"m so sorry, Christina. My thoughts are with you, I send all the streghtening encouragement and love I can. PC friends are with you is all ways we can be.
Roadie

So sorry you're experiencing such rough faecal matter Sending you lots of love and soothing vibes

Christana, I hope you somehow feel better real soon. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to live with such unrelenting pain all over.

I'm thinking about you Christina...
with much and more love

Thanks guys .. I am still a big giant ridiculous mess I am just forcing myself to focus on anything. I dread trying to sleep tonight. I did give my husband my car keys and my meds .. I do not need access to either of those things right now... Good thing I can recognize these things I guess.

I really hope you start feeling better.

So today,

My pain level refuses to lower despite all my attempts. Saw my T Wednesday he intended to talk to my Pdoc , The talked and my Pdoc wants me on Seroquel XR for 4 days.

Yesterday my T called and I was still against it. Yesterday my Pdoc called after my T did and also explained he really wanted me on it. I said I would consider it. This after noon I had a sobbing meltdown over something that would never cause this reaction. Today Pdoc called I ignored his call. My T called about 30 mins later and I finally gave in Seroquel XR 150mg for 4 days

The reason for the Seroquel XR is because my pain is so bad my T and Pdoc are doing anything they can to help my pain or at least give me a break from it.

My Fibro pain is horrific ! My regular doctor is completely useless and offers no hope for relief ( yes I fired him) My T and Pdoc are doing everything possible to help me. I am grateful they care enough to help me this way. Did I mention they are both seeing me at no cost ? and have been for 14 months now? I am very lucky.