[Dino1985]

I'm having some serious issues and it looks like its probably bipolar disorder. I need someone to talk to and I can't afford a psychiatrist. I've been have some pretty unreal symptoms... I feel like I'm constantly being watched by everyone around me and it's made it to the point that I also feel like they can read my thoughts. I know it sounds crazy and I know it's illogical and I'm always telling myself this but there are too many signs around me to keep acting like it isn't possible. People react to my thoughts in such a precise way that it scares me. They say things about me that means it can't be fake anymore... I'm being watched. I feel extremely paranoid about this and don't know what to do. I can't afford a doctor or anything and I'm so depressed and stuck with these crazy delusions that it's hard to function and concentrate on any thing anymore. I'm about to lose my job because of it and my boss says I'm a worthless POS but it's impossible for me to ever clear my mind. I can't seem to function normally any more, I don't even want to go outside today because I'm afraid of what seems like the fact about me being watched, and the part about everyone mysteriously reacting to my thoughts and talking about them is scary. I act like it isn't true and ignore it so I don't look like I'm crazy, but enough is enough. Everything feels setup for me to be a failure... I'm not a very religious person at all but sometimes I seriously feel the devil is real and he want's to get a hold of me. If the devil is real, then does that not mean God has to be also? I know who I would put my faith into and its definitely God, but I've doubted him my whole life. I feel like it is too late to be forgivin for the blasphemy and all will be lost soon. I can't even seem to find a girl to be with even though so many have told me I'm a nice good lookin guy with a great sense of humor yet none want to give me a chance in a relationship. I'm very close to being convinced this is all setup and they just want to see how long it takes before I crack and turn into a very bad individual. It's like I'm either some sort of sick experiment or a joke to make the rest of the peoples lives feel better. I'm the one they point the finger at and say "Man I sure am glad I'm not that guy... I think I feel better about myself". There has been many past times that has shown me too much proof that this can be true no matter how much my mind says it's not possible... I can't figure out the difference between what is and isn't reality anymore. I don't know what to do. I have been through a couple post traumatic situations one involving me almost getting murdered behind having white skin, and another being clearly setup in my old apartment with cameras by almost all my friends I grew up with. I was depressed and they fed me all sorts of different drugs and being how I was I took all of them. They recorded me going crazy and I think that's where the feeling of being watched comes in... but this was like 5 years ago! I feel it's happening again and it will be much worse this time. Can't sleep... I'm so paranoid right now I know they are tracking me. My phone is hacked this laptop is and not to mention the camera that is in here somewhere. I can't talk to my family about it, I know they will just laugh and make fun of me, but then again they already know and are probably reading this post through their smart phones. What do I do? I have no one to take me seriously about this so please if you intend to help don't poke fun like the rest, try to have some good healthy advice.

[Gus1234U]

i can't even read a post that long, sorry, thought i might be able to help, but let me just tell you that there is a possible cure, it's not very expensive, called Holosync, you can read about it and purchase it online at CenterPointe.com.

it is an auditory (sound) CD system, that helps the brain re-balance itself. i used it every day for 7 yrs, and am almost symptom free... and there are no side effects...
best wishes
Gus

[roads]

I don't know what makes you think you're suffering from a bipolar disorder. You mention depression and paranoia but say nothing about mania and nothing about being diagnosed bipolar.
Depending on what kind of drugs you were exposed to in the past, you could be suffering flashbacks, which might account in part for some of the delusions and paranoia. If you do suffer from Post Traumatic Stress, that could bring on some of your symptoms.
We aren't able to diagnose here, since we're a peer support and self-help site. All I can do is put together what you're describing with what other members have said. What I'd suggest, though, is that you do sound like you've had about all,you can take and need professional help.
You don't mention where you live, but if you're in the United States you can get help in any hospital Emergency Room. If you don't have insurance, you'll be admitted anyway and treated immediately--how payment will be handled will be worked out later according to your income. You need to get to a safe environment where you can stop worrying about being watched or hacked. The units are closed and locked against the outside world, and for awhile you'd be safe. You can sleep, figure out what's real, and try to find your balance. If you can do that on your own, fine. If not--psychiatrists will test you and work with you and help get you balanced.
I hope this helps. Please be safe.