new member...on the verge

hello, i am a new member and im so glad i found this. i have suffered from."depression" since i was around 10. just dealt with it on my own for a long long time. was finally diagnosed as bp2 last april, finally! started seeing a therapist and dr beginning of 2010 when i found myself alone in a strange city where i had an awesome job BUT my husband of less than 6 months decieed he wanted a girlfriend from back home had a breakdown and this was the real start of everything. met my now husband shortly after and he helped me through a lot long distance. since the beginning of 2010 i got divorced, moved back home, got married, got pregnant and had my daugyter, adopted my two stepkids, moved 4 times, had two unsucessful work attepmts just to name a few. been hospitalized 4 times, lots of meds, lots of diagnosis. this gets me to today...im under so much stress im about to explode or have a major breakdown. we have to move again and my husbqnd is trying to buy a house, i have my ss hearing in a few weeks, just got done with holidays and kids being home for almost 3 weeks, my sister who watched my eaughter and helped out alot got a new job and moved, unsupportive family, no medical insurance and very limited budget, raan out of meds for 5 days....im at my breaking point! i started cutting again and have to hide that from everyone but if i dont do it i think i would just freak out. im so close to another trip to the hospital but its just NOT possible...i feel like no one understands...i cant put how i feel into words my husbane can uneerstand...there is rage, pain, no sleep, too much sleep, overeating, not eating at all, panic attacks, migraines, manic days and so low depressed days...i just dont know what to do anymore!!!

It sounds like you need some stability and a routine. If I was in your situation I would be beyond stressed and having breakdowns all the time, too!

Why do you guys keep moving? Can you apply for services through the county for now? They usually provide some kind of sliding scale for people who have a tight budget.

Good luck and keep posting!

You are "freaking out" and you're past your "breaking point"--that's why you've started cutting again.

You say another trip to the hospital's "just NOT possible," but it sounds as if it's coming--if not at a time of your choosing, then when all hell breaks loose & you crash. Control the damage and call the shots yourself!! Go to the hospital. You won't be so bad going in ... and you'll get better (and home) faster.

You don't have to hit the wall to prove you did your best. Pulling up short proves you know where your limits are.

Roadie

I agree, stability and routine are super important.

I also agree with Roadie that hospital stay can help you if you get there on your own terms and before you are sent there with no alternative.