[ElJamo]

Ok. So I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a couple of months ago and now that I'm in a place (college) with lots of folks, there something that has been troubling me.
I wanted to know if there were any people here with insight on when to tell others you have bipolar.
My own issues (though my condition is fairly mild) have definitely influenced my school life in a negative way, especially with how my brother REALLY struggled with it and his problems seemed to magnify my own.
So I decided to tell one of my best bros here at school. I wonder if he sees me any differently. I told him as that was why I'd decided to quit drinking, and because I thought it wasn't such a big deal that we couldn't chat about it. He knew I have struggled in the past but that I am MUCH better since coming back to school (I withdrew last semester due to medical reasons). So I figured what the heck.
I guess to answer my own question it would be to trust your gut and think about talking about it before you do, always.

if you tell them you are bipolar.... they will just look at you funny

if you tell them you are manic depressive... they will all try to help.. overbearingly

if you tell them you have a mood disorder... they may take it lighter and treat you like a person.....

my experience with this.

[usbusi]

If they are a close friend or family member I think it's OK.

it's hard to live with a secret

[faerie_moon_x]

My advice on this is to be really cautious. There are people that you just don't tell because there are a lot of prejudice people and there is a huge stigam.

When I was first diagnosed I was struggling at work. And my diagnosis gave me answers to my struggle. So, I disclosed in hopes to work out accomidations and that made everything worse. I work in health care, by the way, so you'd think that people are understanding. No, not really. It doesn't matter. A registered nurse (who was a boss at the time,) even told me that when I come to work I need to leave my bipolar at the door and be cheerful, because everyone has bad days.

The people who know are the "need to know basis" people. My husband, my mother-in-law (who lives with me and also has bipolar,) and my doctors. I never even bothered to tell my dad or my aunts or cousins. There's really no point to tell people who watched you struggle your whole life and just belittled you instead of try to help. I have one friend who knows who doesn't "believe" in mental illness, so we don't talk about it.

[Anika.]

I'd say this really depends on you, and where you are with this. And also the people who you tell. I am a pretty open person, I don't tell just anyone. But if I am getting to know someone and they ask why I am on disability ( pretty obvious I get money to support my family from somewhere) people do ask about, but if I feel comfortable with that person I just tell them .

I have never really had a bad experience with this. But I also am a bit selective about who I get to know in the first place. If someone gives me bad vibes I don't stick around or open up anyways.The other thing tho is that I am ok with the dx, I am good with me and know who I am. When I was still struggeling to accept the dx I didn't tell anyone but I was also feeling more vulnerable and was not very confident.

People have usually just reacted with curiosity or suprized to hear that. But I haven't had negative responses really. And if someone is not ok with it, well either I can try to help them understand, or if they are just choosing to be judgmental or mean then do I really want them around?

It's not my dirty little secret, it's not a really big thing for me either, it just is one part. I think if we want the stigma to change we have to not feel ashamed either, because us feeling embarressed, ashamed or like we have to hide kind of perpetuates the idea that there is something really bad about us. If we can't accept us without judgement or fear then how can they?

[wildchild r]

Everyone knew I had it before I did..all my Bros and sisters, everybody at my home bar...I guess shooting off bottlerockets into the bar musta been a sign..
At first I laughed it off..its not so funny anymore..some others told me not to say anything about it..well, Dang...Im gonna be me, I control what I can,apologise when necessary, heck, they love me anyway..
I agree with Landskaper , wished I had that advise before now..but mine is hard to hide, Im just crazy, and most times fun, not so much when depressed..I get mean..really mean..I dont like it.
Good luck with all the responses..I hope they help.

In one sense, in my view, it's all about judgment and taste. Who would want to
reveal anything to anyone who says "Well, he's got somethin' wrong wif his haid" ?

Or who would want to reveal anything to a doctor of psychology who writes in to
request responses to "how does the stigma of bipolar illness affect you"? He's
a doctor of pyschology, mind you, and attempting to draw very sensitive people into conversation about very sensitive issues.

In both instances, the two people lack judgment and taste IMHO.

In the first instance, the person lacks intelligence enough to handle the information in an educated and knowledgeable way.

In the second instance, the doctor of psychology is insensitive but likely very well-informed regarding bipolar illness. His judgment is a bit skewed, IMHO.

The answer, seems to me, to be that we must use our best judgment about discussing this with lay persons or with anyone who reveals to us an uninformed attitude or insensitivity to and about mental illnesses.

If it's of value to you to know this, I might add that Dr. Kay Jamison Redfield, who is herself Bipolar and a psychiatrist (Head of her department, I think), writer of at least two books ,"An Unquiet Mind" and "Touched With Fire", was told by her co-doctors, "just be sure you take your medications". That's what you call an enlightened response to having bipolar illness.

I've heard people say that the stigma exists in their community--which they label
as 100 years behind its time; others in California will tell you that it is alive and
thriving in their community --if you can call that "alive and thriving".

Just be careful about whom you discuss your most intimate natural endowments with in this age--until, at least, we get better enlightenment among the uneducated.

[wildchild r]

yea, I admit I lack Taste..but my tastebuds work!! DILLIGAF??

[bunnifoo]

It depends on the situation but I'm fairly open about. My immediate family knows (there's just my parents and my brother and my nephew who is a toddler so he doesn't) and most of my extended family knows.

And I've told certain people I've worked with - not everyone because not everyone I feel really needs to know, but certain people I told because I was comfortable with them and once because a co worker confined in the struggles her child was having so I opened up.

I'm a loner so I don't have many close friends but one group knows all about it and they all have their own mental health or other health issues to deal with it. And I've told a couple of people since I moved recently. And when I had to quit working because of anxiety this summer I told the temp agency person I was working with (well some of it, I jsut talked about the anxiety) and she was very understanding. Even called in November to check on me and see if I was working again.

I don't lead off with the information but I treat it like I would any other medical condition. I mean, I don't know about every medical condition or illness people go through and sometimes they share and sometimes they don't.

I've been lucky because my family has been very supportive and understanding.

Occasionally I run across some who is a bit rude or is very "anti psychiatry/mental illness" and sometimes I defend without disclosing I have bipolar disorder and sometimes I disclose.

I was in one work situation where someone had to take an extended leave of absence due to mental health reasons, only a few people knew. And one of the young women went into this whole thing about psychaitry is sinful and she even had a friend who was struggling and wanted to confide in her (my co worker) but the co worker refused to listen to her and told her to pray about it instead.

WEll, that got me mad because growing up I heard quite a bit that my problems would go away if I prayed hard enough or happened because I didn't believe enough, wasn't a good enough Christian. I asked her if the woman on leave was in the hospital or being treated for mono or pneumonia or had been hit by a car would she medical intervention was sinful. Well, no was the reply. And I asked her if she thought all things came from God, including doctors and medicine. Well, yes, she said.

So, if all things come from God, then how can she say God didn't guide the psychiatrists and psychiatry and want anti depressants and whatnot to be created? And maybe, even God helped guide her into friendship with this particular person to be there for her in her hour of need?

Which pretty much shut her up and made her think.

I'm also pretty open on Facebook where I have people I know casually or friends from high school and family. I don't post every day about bipolar disorder, but I do talk about medication changes and have lots of things like NAMI friended and share posts and occasionally talk about on struggles.

I'm not ashamed that I have a disease. I'm not ashamed I have anxiety or bipolar disorder and sometimes I don't want to share because it's personal and I don't always want to share personal things, but I try very hard not to let anyone make me feel ashamed of having mental illness.

Very admirable attitude, in my view, Bunnifoo; in fact, I enjoyed all the responses on this post.

Thank you for this.

[Confusedinomicon]

I just told people I have bipolar disorder if they asked. I would answer any questions they had, if they were curious.
(This was in uni)

You can tell people, but don't tell them when you're in an episode. Don't try to use their sympathy because it will run out. You should have a therapist/psychiatrist and 2-3? people (including family) who should listen to you and your concerns. You can also come here and talk about concerns and have like-minded people reply to you.

A lot of people know I have the disorder, but most of them have never seen me in the middle of an episode. It's better that way for all parties.

[cocoabeans]

I used to tell people of it came up in conversation now I don't. Never saw anything good come from it and some bad. I'm pretty sure most think I'm making it up any way. Besides, read the news lately? Don't want to be on any list of crazy people as our rights disappear.

[~Christina]

All my friends but one person couldn't be bother to accept that I have Fibro and sometimes had to cancel plans if I was in a fetal position in tears from the pain.

Telling people I have Bipolar? No need to. I am not ashamed of my diagnosis, I just see no reason to fill anyone in about it. The last friend I have in real life here seems to be pulling away, I have asked numerous time if I have done something or whatever and she is very vague.. So I can only assume she doesn't want our friendship to continue.. There is nothing I can do about it. I cant force her answer my questions, or hope that our 5 year friendship is not over For now I will just grieve the loss of an important relationship in my life.

For me telling anyone about my Bipolar is just asking for an emotional beating.

[ParchworkQuilt]

I am struggling with the answer to this question too. I've told a couple of people. One that stands out is a friend with kids the same age as mine. She is having problems with her son (behavioral). I had (in some manic "everybody will accept me as I am") burst of socializing told her I was bipolar which she thought was "cool". Well whatever. But then lately she's like "since you have it then you must be able to tell if that's what my kid has" which makes no sense. I hardly know the kid and even if I knew him really well I am not a doctor and not his doctor!? Anyway this was just a weird feeling like I finally trust someone with this info and then it's like I'm a curiosity. Ugh. Other people I've told have had much more negative reactions, like not talking to me anymore or just ignoring what Imtold them. Because I dont tell people I feel like I am missing out on a whole world of knowing and being accepted "as is" by people but honestly the people Ive told have had such unpredictable reactions I have practically given up on ever getting anywhere with telling people. But I guess it has a lot to do with what your goal is in telling people. Right now I really need to vent without having to package my life in some form the other person will understand. But I don't think that anyone IRL can listen to me vent unless they're paid to do it. So glad I can come on here.

[hamster-bamster]

All my close friends whom I have known since adolescence know. I have never had a problem with that. I do not tell people whom I have met recently, except one date a couple of days ago who volunteered his depression dx accompanied by a Lexapro prescription so I reciprocated with my bp dx accompanied by Lithium. But he was the one who started! As expected in such a r/s of equals so to speak, my disclosure did not cause any problems and he wants to see me again soon.

[Doxie mom]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

My advice on this is to be really cautious. There are people that you just don't tell because there are a lot of prejudice people and there is a huge stigam.

When I was first diagnosed I was struggling at work. And my diagnosis gave me answers to my struggle. So, I disclosed in hopes to work out accomidations and that made everything worse. I work in health care, by the way, so you'd think that people are understanding. No, not really. It doesn't matter. A registered nurse (who was a boss at the time,) even told me that when I come to work I need to leave my bipolar at the door and be cheerful, because everyone has bad days.

The people who know are the "need to know basis" people. My husband, my mother-in-law (who lives with me and also has bipolar,) and my doctors. I never even bothered to tell my dad or my aunts or cousins. There's really no point to tell people who watched you struggle your whole life and just belittled you instead of try to help. I have one friend who knows who doesn't "believe" in mental illness, so we don't talk about it.

I agree there is a huge stigma especially since you are dealing with young people. I would say need to know basis only. I know when I was I. College people could be really tough on someone they perceive as different. I got pregnant in college and people were so awful to me it was really hard. Now that I am an adult on my own I could care less if people judge me but I don't go around telling everyone just family and close friends.

[Verbal_Violet4u]

I guess its hard to explain what exactly bipolar "that is" unless you take about a two second's and glance at my appearence half the time.. and or just stike up any kind of conversation with me. I talk really fast and a try to learn a lil bit about as many things as im allowed! I am in an almost constant mania i feel like.. and I sometimes slip into a mild depression but usually a sleepy like coma for a few weeks or days depending on how stressed out i am. I try to explain to others and "loved ones" not to make exscuses but to explain as to why i had been a certain way.. Until recently i had barley began to understand my many issues and where they stem from or what to label them.. I faught hard to hold back many different emotional disfunctions during a relationship. I finally realized that i will probably never overcome my Mental disease.. And now am comming to terms with myself and all my flaws. First by identifying exactly what i should be working on to become a better and higher functioning individual.. "not going well" I want to just be excepted by those around me for the damaged individual that i am. To tell them that its okay that im
"damaged goods" I am okay.. Its hard to talk to people who have never encountered mental illness even in the medical world i am ousted as a "Purple python with wings" .. I feel like all the doctors want is a way to sedate me? Why must the drugs be so hard on my bady and make me feel so miserable>? Why is it that the types of people who want to help are usually "The wrong ones" ahhh i just want to thankyou guys for allowing me to post and for any reply at all..
I live in missouri
I am diagnosed
PTSD/Bipolar/Emotionally disturbed/OCD
I have been on a massive list of medications all most of which i do not know the names but that i am not on any of them at the moment.. And scared to be because of the also as equally as large list of severe "bad" side-effects..

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

.

When I was first diagnosed I was struggling at work. And my diagnosis gave me answers to my struggle. So, I disclosed in hopes to work out accomidations and that made everything worse. I work in health care, by the way, so you'd think that people are understanding. No, not really. It doesn't matter. A registered nurse (who was a boss at the time,) even told me that when I come to work I need to leave my bipolar at the door and be cheerful, because everyone has bad days.

That nurse should've been ashamed of herself. Unfortunately, health care is one of the LEAST understanding of professions when it comes to practitioners who are ill......try calling in sick a couple of times and see where it gets you.

And with mental illness, the stigma is even worse, though I'd be willing to bet every other nurse out there has an Rx for Prozac or Xanax because the work is so damned stressful. There's this unwritten code that infers that it's OK to be depressed and anxious; just don't have anything 'exotic' like bipolar disorder or OCD, or the powers that be won't know what to do with you. The last nurse manager I told about my illness (and I only did so because circumstances forced me to) said, "Oh, that explains a lot---your work habits are certainly consistent with your diagnosis." Ye gawds.

My immediate supervisor is vastly less judgmental, perhaps because he doesn't really understand the disorder, but he cares about what it does to me, and that's all that matters as far as he's concerned. He's given me "mental health" days that I didn't have to take vacation days for; he works with me to accommodate the times when I'm not well and need to stay away from the noise and the phones and the traffic in and out of my shared office.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

There's this unwritten code that infers that it's OK to be depressed and anxious; just don't have anything 'exotic' like bipolar disorder or OCD, or the powers that be won't know what to do with you.

I have seen no stigma around depression and anxiety in the general population, where I live. Last example: before Christmas, I reconnected with the mom of one of my older daughter's former gfs. I had not seen her for years and even back then were not close.

What do you think? We were eating lunch and she was eating gluten-free. She could perfectly well have said that she was intolerant. Many people are. Nope, she volunteered that she had had symptoms of depression and anxiety and removing gluten had helped with them. Absolutely unprovoked disclosure. Out of the blue. She does not know I am mi.

And this is just one example - I know of more.

So depression and anxiety are completely politically correct, just do not you dare to get manic!

[anneo59]

Originally Posted by ElJamo

Ok. So I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a couple of months ago and now that I'm in a place (college) with lots of folks, there something that has been troubling me.
I wanted to know if there were any people here with insight on when to tell others you have bipolar.
My own issues (though my condition is fairly mild) have definitely influenced my school life in a negative way, especially with how my brother REALLY struggled with it and his problems seemed to magnify my own.
So I decided to tell one of my best bros here at school. I wonder if he sees me any differently. I told him as that was why I'd decided to quit drinking, and because I thought it wasn't such a big deal that we couldn't chat about it. He knew I have struggled in the past but that I am MUCH better since coming back to school (I withdrew last semester due to medical reasons). So I figured what the heck.
I guess to answer my own question it would be to trust your gut and think about talking about it before you do, always.

even if it doesn't always work out, I think what you've said here is good and sound advice. However, be prepared for an occasional backfire when revealing!

[Br0k3nW1ng3d]

I am open with the people in my immediate circle of friends and family. I am also not the only one battling this illness in my family so we have learned to support each other through the hard times. I also try to be open with my friends about it as well though that can be touch and go. I have had friends acknowledge that this is a real issue in my life, but then hold some of the problems it causes against me despite my attempts to work on it and grow. I have also told only the 'need to know" people in my work place. One of my superiors also suffers from it so she is aware, and people in human resources know so that they can offer me assistance in times of distress. Otherwise I keep it to myself. I find that despite the progressive attempts for equality with people that have these issues there is still a social stigma as if we are not equal, or that we will always be irrational, moody, and/or unreliable. I disagree with this stigma, as I try to view it as being emotionally sensitive, and a complex emotional thinker.

[Seaswept]

I have mixed feelings on the subject myself.

My family of course knows.
I have only told a couple of friends though and they don't seem too concerned. They just never ask about it, ever, so I kinda feel un-cared for in a way...are they afraid...do they just not care, do they not want to make me uncomfortable asking or is it their way of being accepting. I don't know.

When I start to get close to someone, its weird, I almost feel like a fake.. not confiding.. but I always worry about who I can trust. I have friendship-trust issues from way back.

I never told any of my children's friend's moms for fear they would not allow their kids to come over...even parents I have felt very comfortable with and became friends with.

I long for a closeness in a friendship where I feel most like myself with nothing to hide.

As far as work goes, I have never disclosed my diagnoses... even after 3 separate meltdowns of which all resulted in leaves of absences.