Mixed

Right now my brain is screaming for rest, yet my body is incapable of sleep.
My body is aching to move, to hurry, to work.
I am tempted to start a thousand projects... cleaning and reorganizing
I want to dress up in fun clothing and take pictures
I want to then hide away where no one can see me.
Curl up under a mound of pillows and blankets and refuse to see sunlight.
I want to get on my hands and knees and scrub the floors to make them as clean as I wish I could feel
I want to have real friends that can see the good heart in me and not just my illness
I want the loved ones in my life to stop talking down to me and see me as a true person with a heart and mind.
I want to cry. I want to laugh. I want to whisper secrets to a friend while looking at the stars twinkling over the lake.
I want to be appreciated... I want to be able to appreciate myself.
I dont want to feel guilty anymore... I dont want to feel angry
I want to find rest somewhere

Mixed states are the worst state, in my opinion, someone with bipolar can have,
Over the last 6 yrs or so I have been there too often.

Beware they can be dangerous. The nature of the state you are in sometimes makes it hard to reach out for help. Please Please Involve someone in the mental
health field now. I say this because the only times I have attempted suicide were in a Mixed state.

Please take care of yourself