[faerie_moon_x]

For the first time in over a month. We haven't talked since before Christmas and the huge explosive fight between me and his wife.

The conversation went okay. I asked him why he hadn't cashed the rent yet, but I guess he just did that today. Then I told him we're looking for a new place to live. He kept saying we don't have to leave, that apartments are expensive, and that if we leave he will sell the house. But if we stay until he dies it will be my house. He told me he isn't going to deal with my mother in law any more, that she's our problem.

But she is our problem, also. As long as we have a place where she can live she won't get out.

Staying in the house means continuing to deal with my dad and his wife who are toxic to all of us.

My dad was crying the whole time, trying to hide it but I could hear it. He told me to go over to get the gifts they had for the boys for Christmas, but I don't want those gifts. I don't want to ever go into that house again.

It would be easier to stay but if I stay it will be more hell.

Why couldn't I just have a dad who cares about me instead of money, and a dad who just cares about me and not his image? Why couldn't I have a dad who is happy to have a daughter instead of the piece of trash he likes to tell everyone that I am? Why can't I have a dad who takes my side? Why can't I have a dad who doesn't treat my husband like he has the plague, just because of financial reasons? Why can't I have a dad who doesn't lie and will actually be there for me for real? Why can't I have a dad who doesn't use guilt to make me do wants?

Why did my mom die and leave me here with him when she was the one who loved me and wanted me?

[BlueInanna]

((((( DH )))))

Oh, sweetie!
How is the housing search going?
A thought came while reading this... With the kinds of stuff he does to try to sway your decisions... I can't help but wonder if that's all he's doing in saying he'll sell the house if you move. And giving the additional reason that "apartments are expensive"... Uhhh, if he sold the house, wouldn't he be putting himself in the position of having to deal with that as well? I don't know him well enough to make a proper guess of course, but... sounds like there's bluff potential there...

I cannot remember how his wife does or does not enter into the "who would get the house" picture. And you don't have to say of course, but whatever it is might help to determine the likelihood of his statement being valid or not.

All in all though, guess it doesn't really matter whether his statement reflects the truth or not. The most important thing is keeping toxicity to a minimum for your family. Sending good thoughts your way on that, dh...

[faerie_moon_x]

Well, they have a pre-nup and if he dies I get the house. They already sold my mother's house (which I would have also gotten,) to pay off all the debt due to her extravigant spending. (This makes me mad, we were going to move into that house after he died and rent the one we're in... or let my mil live there for cheap, you know?) She is a classic gold digger except she's and older woman now. And the man she chose to "gold dig" (my dad) was barely even middle class income when working, and retired....

It's a long story. But if they sell the house it's a loop-hole in the pre-nup so she would get all that money.

The apartment hunt is going terrible. I have 28 negatives on my credit report (I pulled it to see exactly what I'm dealing with. A lot of them are old. Like some of them should have fallen off, I think, because they are from like 2001.... Although apartment actually told me my credit score which turns out to be 521, which doesn't seem like it's that bad? So we keep getting denied.

So the plan was to take the tax money and pay a huge chunk of rent. But my husband and I talked it over yesterday. And we've decided to stay. But, only on the condition that I pay a full year of rent (which is possible because it's cheap) and the property tax on the house with the tax money instead of a huge chunk of rent. In exchange, he needs to consider the house mine (and I'll pay the tax every year from now on) and have no more of the BS drama. No more snooping around, no more interrogating my 10 year old for "what goes on at mommy's house," and no more talking crap about my husband, and no more worrying about if MIL has to live there or not because we're the ones that have to deal with her, not him. My dad always says he would just give me the house except if he does he has to pay this huge chunk of taxes (like over $45,000) and that prevents him.

I've offered this before and he's turned me down. So, we'll see...

[faerie_moon_x]

Well we got the whole thing resolved. he agreed to my plan. He says he doesn't want us to leave and he wants me to get the house when he dies. He said that way either I will always have a house, or that if I want I can sell it and buy a new house if we don't want to stay there.

Which, someday we will sell it probably. Because we want to live near the ocean, and there aren't any around here.

[faerie_moon_x]

You know, the rent thing is resolved but I'm not really happy. I mean... yeah we won't lose the house and blah blah blah....

And I'm in charge of the house and all of that....

But... nothing is resolved between me and my dad. I know it never will be because he thinks everything is my fault and I'm a bad person. And I am just so tired.... but this simplifies the living arrangement for my family which is important, but also means I'm stuck with my mother-in-law. And although I love her, I would love it to just be me and my husband and kids again....