am I meant to admit I'm struggling?

..and what does that do...?

I'm still stuck here...

and it's passed already... the calamity!...by now superstupidbrain!

I cannot cope with the attention

but I need some ..otherwise I would not be here

I don't know how to ask for help?

I see others do it

I find it easy to give...

stuff me!...I cannot ask for help...!!

what the hell is that about??

people friends write me things...I panic I cannot read them

this bipolar brain is a crippled genius...mostly crippled

..I'm so sorry I'm so full of s...hit!!

Maybe you're like me.... when you asked for help no one helped, so now it's just too hard to ask.

If you can't read something, let it go for a bit and come back later. That's what I have to do a lot.

I sent you a calculator, an abacus, and a calendar.

For this one I guess hugs are the right thing to send, or the only thing I know how...

And ears, rabbit ears, prey ears...they hear lots, but having a rodent brain doesn't allow complex interpretation.

Lettuce please

Well James I know its hard to ask for help, it is often difficult cause for me anyway, I dont want to admitt Ive fallen. Sometimes asking for help is hard because of what we dont want to admit. Well James hang in there bud, sending positive stuff your way.

so you did buddy?

did you ask for it?

for help

without flippin nutso freak and bein forced into it!

sorry bro

I freaked out and was initially forced into help.

I hate asking for help. It requires me to take off my mask. When it's needed I'll just write "help me" to my T. I'm not good at verbally expressing myself but if I need it I'll take it. I often don't ask for help because I feel the response although genuine it's unhelpful. I will be asking T what asking for help would mean on Monday.

Asking for help and getting a response that is not helpful can mean ask for more helpful help....

I like help. AND I like direction when I'm trying to help someone.

Does that help?

Hugs help...always

What does that mean?

James oh James... Here is what I have learned..

If I ask for help in real life, well I wait until I am in huge hella mess.
I can come here and ask for help, it's much easier, why? I am thinking it has to do with the fact that people here are able to really understand me and unique struggle we all face.

Anyhow.. Works for me

Ps. James, I adore you

im like dark_heart

when i was younger i asked SO much for help and was turned down by psychiatrists and schools and my parents a whole bunch too.

now into my young adult years...im...WELL ive slipped through the cracks mostly now.

Asking for help is so complicated who knows what kind of help some other person will decide u need. And a lot of people out there really have no clue what helps. I don't ask for help unless I can figure out what will help me. Some kinds of help are the kind your better off without

Not being able to talking about what was bothering him or asking for help or being able to feel how many people loved him ... Is what killed my son not the heroin.

I think he got that from me.

If you can hear me and my son could hear me, you are a wonderful special person who deserves everything good in life. I would hug you and him a thousand times.

Ok. I remember when i first asked for help. It was a year ago. I was 33 and it was the first time EVER that I had asked for help. before that, it was me against the world. Had been my entire life.

What had led me to asking in the first place was being court ordered into anger management. I had poked a guy on the arm, provoking him into a fight, and got ticketed for it The anger management place made a big stink about thoroughly evaluating everyone upon intake for any problems that might exist and that may have led to us being there. I always knew that something was wrong and knew they would find something. So that's what got me on the road to asking for help.

Back to you. The nervousness was so high that it led to me cutting again. The anxiousness and the feelings i had about asking was intense. Is it that way for you? Everything seemed new, but at the same time it felt as if time was running out, and I was thoroughly convinced that I was going to screw it up. I felt like I only had one opportunity and it had already passed me by.

can you relate to any of this?

I wrote letter after letter to the counselor and threw them away. I started focusing on the scars from my past sui attempt when I was fourteen. I have big scars cuz I used broken glass from beer bottle to slice up my wrists. I scrubbed them with the rough side of a dish sponge until I was bleeding cuz of all the stress. I got sui thoughts and dealt with it with self harm as well.

this is what I went through when I first asked for help. Is this similar to anything you are going through? If so.... talk to me. I've been there.

If not, at least I told an amusing tale lol.

take care of yourself James. If you start opening up to what's going on now, all that can happen is you might get perspective and find people that can relate. Even people that you might have never guessed might be going through the same thing. Maybe even those people are trying to ask for help themselves. You only have something to gain here. You have nothing to fear or to lose. And the wildest thing you can possibly say on these boards... well.... I challenge you cuz no matter how bad you may think they sound, I bet I can one up ya! lol. A lot of people here can. You are in no way different in regards to what you have been through.

what I am saying is that, no matter what you type, no one is ever going to say that it is too aweful or disturbing. that is not an issue here. I wouldn't be here if that was the case. the only thing that can possibly happen if you open up here is that people will be able to relate to you and stories will be shared and you might find that you have so much more in common with people, people that you may have never guessed would have gone through the same thing.

hope this is received well, and that it makes sense. I tend to ramble on about such issues.

take care of yourself man!

Dan