[Faraway tree]

Arg I just need to vent. It's my second best mate in the whole world birthday today. I couldn't make it! I have been feeling pretty down and I had a massive bawl and then was like, right, pull yourself together, it's your dear old friends birthday. So I got dressed, put makeup on, walked (while still trying to keep myself from crying) 2km to the place, was about 2mins away and lost it and could not stop crying which is a bit embarrassing when you are just walking up the road looking like a dork. So I went and cried in a park (again, embarrassing) and could not stop or even get it together enough to walk back for like 20 mins then I walked back crying. It sux. I really wanted to go to my friends birthday, it's important to me and to him.

Then I got back and was still crying and my newish flatmate said hello and I just said hi and went in my room so she will think I'm giving her the silent treatment when really I am a train wreck. Arg I hate stupid bipolar. Anyway yesterday she yelled at me for "being straight up and having a direct manner" (aka being myself), leaving lights on, leaving a towel in the bathroom, not cleaning the kitchen immediately after cooking and "you are so selfish, you expect everyone around you to live in the trail of where you have been because you leave cups behind" which really didn't help when all the chores have fallen down because I can barely function and I try my best all the time I just can't think properly sometimes.

It sux. Anyway, thanks for listening

sorry you couldn't show up at the birthday.

i'm sure this person will understand... are you going to maybe talk on the phone later or something and explain?

[Faraway tree]

Yeah I sent him a text. He'll understand, I just didn't want him to cotton on to how Krap I've been feeling - I Usually have a pretty good game face

[roads]

aaww, Faraway tree, it's really awful--what this bipolar disorder does to us, out of the blue. I'm so sorry ... and you were so close to making the party too.
It's just horrible, I know that feeling, it's kind of like a cold fog that flows over me--I can't see what I was focused on doing, I lose my bearings and am lost, it's all I can do just to get home or somewhere safe. I'm in a rotten state ... guilty, angry, confused. If suddenly something or someone blasts into my path, starts making demands or judgments

stop the world, I want to get off!!

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope tomorrow's a better day.
* gentle hugs *
Roadie

[Faraway tree]

Originally Posted by Roadie

aaww, Faraway tree, it's really awful--what this bipolar disorder does to us, out of the blue. I'm so sorry ... and you were so close to making the party too.
It's just horrible, I know that feeling, it's kind of like a cold fog that flows over me--I can't see what I was focused on doing, I lose my bearings and am lost, it's all I can do just to get home or somewhere safe. I'm in a rotten state ... guilty, angry, confused. If suddenly something or someone blasts into my path, starts making demands or judgments

stop the world, I want to get off!!

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope tomorrow's a better day.
* gentle hugs *
Roadie

Exactly. It's good to have people to talk to who actually get it, thanks. It's like when people criticise you when you are down it confirms the million awful thoughts you were having about yourself anyway, when you had tried so hard to convince yourself thats just the crazy talking. I think I need a puppy. A puppy wouldn't mind.