Why?

Just why? Why do some people come into our lives and leave only pain but you still love them enough to be there for them.

I am asking cause my ex again contacted me about our lost daughter and now I find out she is an addict what am I suppose to do to help her? Is there anything I can do or should I Even care?

I don't know why, Clint. It's just the unfair nature of the world, I guess.

Have you ever seen that intervention show on A&E? That show is really hard to watch sometimes, because you see all these people in pain, and one person who is just self-destruction at the center, pulling everyone around them into their black hole.

In every show, they say "I love you, but I can't allow you to do this to me any more. If you don't take steps to change, I can't be there for you any more." It isn't that you shouldn't care or that you don't care, but you can't allow someone to pull you down into their black hole.

You can't rescue someone. They have to rescue themselves. That's true of all of us. We have to be willing to rescue ourselves and do the work. Support people can only truely help if first we help ourselves.

Unless your ex is willing to take steps to rescue herself, there isn't anything you can do. From your previous posts about her, I'm not sure she is at that point yet.

Yeah your right I just wish I could help her. I wish we where still together.

I know. It's hard to see someone you love self-destructing.

My husband has a good friend whose wife is also an addict, and he's such a nice person that even though she has dragged him down so far he just can't let her go.
It's not healthy for either person.

Sometimes people need to lose everything before they can change everything. Sometimes, that doesn't work either.... but, there isn't anything you can do. It's out of your hands.

Yeah well she promised to work on it she's snorting Xanax. I just worry for her because I still love her I always will she was a big chapter in my life.

I didn't know snorting Xanax was done. I'm sorry she keeps involving you. I hope she gets the help she needs to get her life back on track.

Sorry to hear that you're going to this, I've been in similar situations couple times in my life and had to learn the hard way that unless the other person wants help there isn't much that we can do. I have tried to save several people in my past one of which, I ended up falling into the whole with her and ended up with hepatitis.

I can see how much pain this is causing you, but the best thing you can do both for yourself and for her is to tell her where the help is and to try to move on your own life and hopefully someday if she can get clean perhaps you may end up reconnecting at some future time.

The Wolf

Lost daughter???

it's crazy what we can see in others. we can see the parts that we understand, and we want to help... but in order to help, they have to be open and want that kind of help from us.

trying to help someone who doesn't want it is like trying to walk through a brick wall. we can believe all we want that we can do it, but we never will be able to. they have to open a door for us to get through.

Hope you're feeling a bit better today, Clint.

I am we talked till 3 am about our baby and about drugs and how she needs to quit she said she would but I doubt it. We talked about our relationship and how much she hurt me and I hurt her too. It was a good talk sad and painful bit good.

it's good that you guys are talking. it sucks that she is using. I hope that she was serious!

Me to even though we are broke up I still care and love her. I hope she is serious to I told her if I have to quit drinking she has to stop using.

Whether she realizes it or not she is on a very hard road. Do you know if she's gotten any therapy for losing the baby? Do you think maybe she is self-medicating? I'm guessing it could be. She's going to need help to stop, and professional help. And she's going to need to get away from the other people she hangs out with that use.

My cousin who was both a dealer and a user for most of his life. He had to moved to 2 or 3 different states and get away from all the toxic people before he finally turned around. He's now in his 40s and finally clean.

I think she is self medicating, because she also suffers from depression. She said it helps her feel better i doubt she will stop but I hope so. I told her we would stop together but you can never know unless your actually around her. I just hope she is being safe. And no she hasnt had any therapy for losing the baby she refuses to get professional help. So I lend an ear when she needs it and it seems to make her feel better so i hope in some way that Im helping.

Well, it's good you are there for her, but she needs to understand you're not a professional and that you are also grieving your baby. Would there be any way she would go with you to a therapist? A grief therapist together might be less scary than her going alone? Maybe.

Well I wish but she moved to north carolina with her current boyfriend to go to college. If she where here with me Im sure we would have done that. i would at least have pushed for it more.

I see. Well, I don't know then. Just know that you've been there for her and that's all you can do.