Mixed episode (TRIGGER ALERT)

For the past week or so I've been in a mixed episode - full of energy like I'm manic but depressed, or just depressed, or just manic. I'm all over the place.

Anyway, I cut myself for the first time over the weekend. I cut on my hand and then on my arm. My mind had been obsessing about cutting before I did it, and then it just happened. The weird part is that I don't remember it hurting and it felt "normal" while I was cutting.

Now I'm worried it's going to be an ongoing problem.

Is cutting a part of bipolar, or do I have something else going on?

I feel like I'm going over the deep end and it's just a matter of time before I become psychotic.

Cutting oneself is kind of weird. It's like saying I want to live, another part of you says I want to die. Why do we do it? To get endorphin because of desperation? Some turn it into an art.

But there is a way out. There is.

Avoid cutting yourself at all costs. Once you start its addicting and hard to stop. So please stop and try things like holding onto ice cubes (that was recomended to me) and it helps. Just avoid cutting, and seek help asap its a symptom that needs to be looked at. Maybe its time for you to go to the hospital.

Cutting or other self-harm can be part of BP but it's a new symptom for you that needs to be looked at closely. Please avoid self-harm if you can and tell your T and pdoc tomorrow. T maybe able to help you come up with healthier coping through this episode. Pdoc maybe able to shorten the episode.

I talked to my tdoc about it on Tuesday. She said if I do it again I'm supposed to call my pdoc immediately. I have another tdoc appt next Tuesday. She gave me a few coping tips, like holding ice in the hands (as others have suggested) and distracting myself by reading, exercise, listening to music, etc.

My pdoc recently took me off Seroquel because of the weight gain and the fatigue it caused. I was on it for a year, so I'm thinking that dropping the Seroquel might have something to do with my crazy moods. I've already started on a low dose of lithium. I'm hoping that can even me out.

I made it through today without cutting, despite being horribly depressed in the evening. Now I'm feeling almost manic. Damn this bipolar!!!!

i cut some times out of anger. not sadness.

I am a cutter , Please fight with every ounce of strenght you have to refrain. Its can and does become a vicious cycle . Hole ice in your fist , can give you the sensation of cutting but you actual harm is done.

Just let your T and Pdoc know if it happens again. This is something you should not allow to continue, get help now.

Try to figure out why you want to SI so you can talk to T about it.

I'm not a cutter and my "thing" isn't nearly as dangerous but I chew and tear the skin off around my nails until I bleed. It hurts like hell but I feel like I have to do it. I have scar tissue around my nails on all my fingers. It tends to get worse during hypomania episodes. OCD can be an issue for bp people. I definitely suggest not starting. A addicting behavior that is harmful can potentially go too far. And to be honest, when I'm doing the damage I don't think of how bad it is, but I'm extremely embarrassed about the way my hands look and feel. I would do anything to not bite my hands.

How has it been. Any report on how your doing in concern of the cutting.

I destroyed my hands last week at the turn of my depression to mania. So bad I couldn't bend my thumbs without them cracking and hurting. I don't know how to stop. I've tried everything but as soon as my mood starts changing I get super anxious and chew. I wish I had something to offer you other than I know what it's like to want to do something you know hurts you.

Fortunately I haven't done anymore cutting. Right now I'm just horribly depressed. My mixed episode might be over because I just want to sleep.

I do see my tdoc on tuesday so we'll talk more about the cutting thing then.

Warning-pretty descriptive!

I understand your feeling of comfort with cutting. I used to do this when I was young. Instead of just cutting I would work slowly with a sharp edge to carve things in my arms and watch the blood form whatever I had cut.
That was many years ago-now, many years later, my t says a behavior I sometimes practice falls into the same category. I sometimes take too many benzos and drink, even though I know where this could lead.
Btw, I am not doing any of this now, nor do I have the desire to do so, but just a few months ago I was in the same place as you.
Try to resist the urge to cut, and be honest with your t and pdoc. Let them help you to get this in control.
Good Luck!
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