[BlueInanna]

My ex-H has to be a sociopath. Don't hear from him for months almost years sometimes. Even when I begged him to help with our son, he was a whiner about it.

I became friends with him on fb to try to show my kids that we could be friends, they both had friended him, so it seemed fine. We shared pictures, celebrated our daughter's 18th birthday last year. (We haven't physically seen him in many years.)

But, Randomnly a few weeks ago, he wrote insulting comments on my fb wall, accusing an old friend of mine of being a racist (my friend posted David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust lyrics cuz we love Bowie and he says "like a cat from Japan"), and ex asked him if he's a racist in front of his/our kids, it was insane, so I unfriended ex from fb.

Today he must have noticed I unfriended him and apparantly can still message me on fb, I'm so upset right now.

Him: Its like that huh?

Me: What did you expect? Rarely hear from you and then you randomnly insult an old friend of mine. You crossed the line too many times.

Him: Send him out let **** flow !!!You spend your whole time being martyr , my family loves them too ,maybe perhaps I could spend some time and they wont turn gay or become rap stars !
\I read your page w my friend from Okinawa ,and he **** his pants , didnt know i was racist , YOU DIG ?
We have pretended to know one another for almost 20 years , WTF!!!

Me: The guy was quoting Ziggy Stardust lyrics... You were acting insane! And he's never even met my children, I haven't seen this guy since high school, you said, "are you a racist around my children?" You were really out of line M. I've never denied you or your family access to the kids, I needed help the whole time which I guess you didn't notice. (Daughter) is an adult now, and (son) is almost an adult. You pretty much missed the boat on helping raise them. They needed you.
Now what's this business about I'm turning them gay or rap stars? You are making no sense.

Him: Put together they are 10000000000000 times more loyal than you !!!
U R A Twat
language that even you can understand !

Me: ??? What is wrong with you???

Him: You engineered this !!!!
think w your mind , not your
vagaina !

Me: Are you aiming to never have me speak to you again?

Him: My Life is ****ed up by MYSELF ONLY You Should take the samew stock !!
You have gone out of your way to punish me for YEARS
i went to your web page to show my Japanese friend and customer my "family" wow was i suprised at what he found !

Me: I'm still not sure what you saw that upset you so?
My friend's music page or something about Ziggy Stardust?

Him: and all the time , my entire life , people said i didnt give a **** about anything,well I do !!!
maybe next time , huh

Me: You're really not making sense.
2 of my best friends are Japanese, 1 is Okinawan at that, I am not racist... that's a crazy idea.

Him: Really , howbout " two of my best friends ,.... are my best friendss or are we just perpetuating some deep seeded institutionalized RACISM !!!
You know what , after all these years I thought I was not good at expressing myself without offending people , well i was wrong!!!!!!
IT IS CALLED A VAGINA , NOT A CLOWN CAR
YOU WOULDNT KNOW LOYALTY IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT, OH WAIT< YOUR LIFE DIDNT !

Me: Ok then... BYE ... FOREVER. Please do not attempt to contact me EVER again.

............................................
I found the feature on fb to block a person, and did so with his name.
I can't believe him, I can't believe he just called me all those names, and the meanness, we haven't been together for about 15 years. He must be having an episode. But I'm upset and so sad. Why on earth did I choose the most horrible man on the planet to have children with?

It's so hard, my older son already displays traits like his dad , like anti social and violent and criminal traits, and never even spent a lot of time with him. I am showering him with as much love as possible to help prevent him turning into just like his dad. But what if genetics have already decided it all and my poor choice in a their father is only going to lead to ruin? I feel so sad and invaded upon, the years spent with him were bad enough.... I was loyal to him, even still I tried to give him benefit of the doubt and be friends on fb for sake of our kids healing. Is he just an an evil person?

My sister this week too had an episode and why do they both always call me the martyr? How is it the martyr to try to keep a job and be a good mom and do the right thing? How is what I'm doing / if I'm being this martyr, how is it so bad? How does this make me bad? how do I stop doing it? Why would I stop doing what I feel is right thing? Now I'm in tears and this is no good, I'm already fully congested with sinus infection and out of tissues!

[Victoria'smom]

I am so sorry, BlueInanna! I'm glad you found the block button. I wish you found it sooner. Please try not to be hard on yourself about your kid's genetics. You try so hard, and are a wonderful parent. Your older son is working so hard to change. Try hold on to the good moments with them. You know what bipolar can wreak havoc and hurt everyone in the path. Both your sister and ex are just lashing out to anyone and everyone they can. Your so caring that your an easy target for family

[unaluna]

Holy cannoli. Who uses the v-word like that?? Was he drunk? I'm sorry you were subjected to that.

[BlueInanna]

He possibly is drunk... I too cannot believe the filth he was spewing.

Our children are pretty much grown, he's been no help... I have zero responsibility to try to be his friend, correct? I can let myself off the hook and never have to see him, hear him, nor talk to him again?

[Trippin2.0]

I'm so sorry your kindness backfired. Really I am

They call you a martyr because you're selfless, putting others, especially your children first comes naturally to you. this makes them uncomfortable and ashamed, because they are incapable of looking out for anyone's best interest but their own. Your beautiful nature shames them, so they lash out because of their inadaquacies.

You have done nothing wrong

I too wish I had chosen better for Jordan, lets pray that nurture beats nature ok?

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

He possibly is drunk... I too cannot believe the filth he was spewing.

Our children are pretty much grown, he's been no help... I have zero responsibility to try to be his friend, correct? I can let myself off the hook and never have to see him, hear him, nor talk to him again?

You don't owe him a damn thing.
You reached out, he blew it royally.
You move on

[ibex]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

My ex-H has to be a sociopath. Don't hear from him for months almost years sometimes. Even when I begged him to help with our son, he was a whiner about it.

I became friends with him on fb to try to show my kids that we could be friends, they both had friended him, so it seemed fine. We shared pictures, celebrated our daughter's 18th birthday last year. (We haven't physically seen him in many years.)

But, Randomnly a few weeks ago, he wrote insulting comments on my fb wall, accusing an old friend of mine of being a racist (my friend posted David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust lyrics cuz we love Bowie and he says "like a cat from Japan"), and ex asked him if he's a racist in front of his/our kids, it was insane, so I unfriended ex from fb.

Today he must have noticed I unfriended him and apparantly can still message me on fb, I'm so upset right now.

Him: Its like that huh?

Me: What did you expect? Rarely hear from you and then you randomnly insult an old friend of mine. You crossed the line too many times.

Him: Send him out let **** flow !!!You spend your whole time being martyr , my family loves them too ,maybe perhaps I could spend some time and they wont turn gay or become rap stars !
\I read your page w my friend from Okinawa ,and he **** his pants , didnt know i was racist , YOU DIG ?
We have pretended to know one another for almost 20 years , WTF!!!

Me: The guy was quoting Ziggy Stardust lyrics... You were acting insane! And he's never even met my children, I haven't seen this guy since high school, you said, "are you a racist around my children?" You were really out of line M. I've never denied you or your family access to the kids, I needed help the whole time which I guess you didn't notice. (Daughter) is an adult now, and (son) is almost an adult. You pretty much missed the boat on helping raise them. They needed you.
Now what's this business about I'm turning them gay or rap stars? You are making no sense.

Him: Put together they are 10000000000000 times more loyal than you !!!
U R A Twat
language that even you can understand !

Me: ??? What is wrong with you???

Him: You engineered this !!!!
think w your mind , not your
vagaina !

Me: Are you aiming to never have me speak to you again?

Him: My Life is ****ed up by MYSELF ONLY You Should take the samew stock !!
You have gone out of your way to punish me for YEARS
i went to your web page to show my Japanese friend and customer my "family" wow was i suprised at what he found !

Me: I'm still not sure what you saw that upset you so?
My friend's music page or something about Ziggy Stardust?

Him: and all the time , my entire life , people said i didnt give a **** about anything,well I do !!!
maybe next time , huh

Me: You're really not making sense.
2 of my best friends are Japanese, 1 is Okinawan at that, I am not racist... that's a crazy idea.

Him: Really , howbout " two of my best friends ,.... are my best friendss or are we just perpetuating some deep seeded institutionalized RACISM !!!
You know what , after all these years I thought I was not good at expressing myself without offending people , well i was wrong!!!!!!
IT IS CALLED A VAGINA , NOT A CLOWN CAR
YOU WOULDNT KNOW LOYALTY IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT, OH WAIT< YOUR LIFE DIDNT !

Me: Ok then... BYE ... FOREVER. Please do not attempt to contact me EVER again.

............................................
I found the feature on fb to block a person, and did so with his name.
I can't believe him, I can't believe he just called me all those names, and the meanness, we haven't been together for about 15 years. He must be having an episode. But I'm upset and so sad. Why on earth did I choose the most horrible man on the planet to have children with?

It's so hard, my older son already displays traits like his dad , like anti social and violent and criminal traits, and never even spent a lot of time with him. I am showering him with as much love as possible to help prevent him turning into just like his dad. But what if genetics have already decided it all and my poor choice in a their father is only going to lead to ruin? I feel so sad and invaded upon, the years spent with him were bad enough.... I was loyal to him, even still I tried to give him benefit of the doubt and be friends on fb for sake of our kids healing. Is he just an an evil person?

My sister this week too had an episode and why do they both always call me the martyr? How is it the martyr to try to keep a job and be a good mom and do the right thing? How is what I'm doing / if I'm being this martyr, how is it so bad? How does this make me bad? how do I stop doing it? Why would I stop doing what I feel is right thing? Now I'm in tears and this is no good, I'm already fully congested with sinus infection and out of tissues!

Geeze that is so toxic. I see it like this way. The kids are grown and there is no need to keep in contact with him and maintain peace for the sake of the kids anymore. Save your sanity, save yourself and save your kids and cut him off completely. You don't deserve that treatment. Your kids need to know not to treat you like their father does. Its just so wrong coming from all directions. IMO.

[BlueInanna]

I'm not sure if I will tell the kids I've had to block him... I may tell my daughter, almost 19, leave out the lovely v-word details, but just so she knows why I had to cut him out. Idk, just thinking he may try to mess with their heads more. He's very vindictive towards me, I think it's more his priority than the children's well-being.

But my son, he's in recovery and really fragile state, gets pretty angry any time his dad is mentioned. But should daddy call - he'll talk to him for hours - still needs his dad. And dammit, I tried really hard to find a good male role model for him, but that never panned out.

I will find the balance of kindness and protect my sanity at the same time. I will resist any further communication with him.