Need feedback , am I over reacting ?

I'll try to get to a point if I can. Since I was told my initial intense depression was instead bipolar , which is a vague list of symptoms I've tried to learn about and find how I fit those. For 5 years at least of trying different meds and talk therapy for a while. I had a more settled life, but I've recently come to feel coming awake to seeing things in a different light about the finding of those symptoms have been there all along. I'm wondering if my working to accept people unconditionally into my life , by examining my reasons for feeling them as toxic to me, has opened me to seeing what is my own toxic behavior. Years of collecting what I can see will be art, has hoarded into projects beyond my ability to complete. I'm sick with my overwhelming thought process about this mess. I'm working to purge things . 3rd day into this, a feeling of paranoia came to me like when I keep watching for my father who would repeatedly molest me. Maybe I'm just trying to hide from this feeling of awareness I've not understood or denied . I don't know if there will be other feelings or not. I've thought to start talk therapy again. This may be over sensitivity with the seeing my uncompleted life. I'm to fixated on my emotions , I'm being hypersensitive.

Appreciate some feedback . I'm concerned I may need to set up a therapist now just incase I hit something . Does this make sense ??? It does one moment , but then the next moment I'm just think I'm fixating and creating something of nothing, it's just the fact I see a symptom finally instead of a heavy guilt.

Dismantling the results of years and years of your collecting projects stuff and hoarding and all of that will take a LONG TIME.

It took a long time to get here and it will take a long time to undo it.

Please be gentle on yourself and do not expect immediate results.

I cannot address other parts but thought I would pitch in about this one.

I appreciate the note of the time, I guess the feeling that in several days I didn't expect such a revelation as this happen . I hope that this process is going to give me time to digest .

Take a picture of the mess and take a picture every month, to appreciate your progress.

I am not trying to dismantle my mess yet because my ex H first needs to remove his stuff from the apartment which he will do in April, and then I will get going and will be taking pictures with my cell phone to remind myself that I have come a long way.

Hmm , nice thought . TY
Guess I'll take it up again later, give it a break . Nite

I wouldn't hesitate to see a therapist either, Voltin, if you feel you need a little reassurance about your bipolar status or a change in medications. It's good to know an expert's opinion on how things are psychically for us from time to time.

You're just about 75 miles from where I live. Glad to see another from my state
posting.

Take care.

Thanks genetic, I feel that maybe someone to get a baseline on where I'm at right now might be a good idea. The last time I talked to a T was not a great experience , so I have been hesitant to try a new one .

Love our hills here