[mojave_rose8]

I have been under a lot of work-related stress lately and frankly, not been acting myself. I have always been weird, but I think I am being weird even for me. (I laugh to myself a lot, but lately, I have been laughing uncontrollably in public places, for no discernible reason ... I mean, it's usually a thought that is funny to me, but what do onlookers know?)

In addition, I just started a new med (Trileptal), but I am at a small dose.

I was with a friend today, and she didn’t say it, but I could see she thought something was not right about me. Like, maybe I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown because of work stress. Honestly, I think she believes I am crazy, that something is very off, and I think that maybe even she is afraid of me.

It feels awful, but then I feel I am paranoid for even thinking that way – for ascribing to her feelings that she might not have. She never said she thinks I am crazy, but there was a look in her eye, and I just – KNEW.

I guess I am teetering on the edge – maybe an upswing, or more likely, a mixed state – but I think I keep myself healthy (med-compliant, eat regularly, sleep regularly, exercise regularly) enough to avoid a major mental-health crisis. (I have had those, believe me.)

Does this sound like paranoia?? Has anyone else experienced these feelings of fearing others think you’re crazy??

[ajmich]

"Has anyone else experienced these feelings of fearing others think you’re crazy??"

Oh, hell yeah! Different life situation, but very similar issue... in my case, I do not often have to interact with others, and when I'm not well, I isolate as much as I can get away with. THEN when I do go out into the world, I feel like there's a neon sign flashing STURB over my head. So in that self-conscious/ paranoid state, eventually I realized I am (sometimes) looking at people strangely because I've already decided they're looking at ME strangely -- like I'm a whack job -- but what's really going on is I am thinking waaaay too much. Don't we tend to get too far inside our own heads and lose perspective about everyday interactions with people? Those without BP or other mental problems are not likely to be constantly thinking about whether or not anyone sees their "hidden" illness. So their minds are more or less free to observe me/you... and they pick up a vibe? They sense something is "off" here? Only because we're already putting out that "off" vibe without wanting to or even realizing it? So they may react in some way that pushes our paranoid buttons and the whole damn mess becomes self-fulfilling BS.

To me it just means getting out of my own head -- relaxing, going about my business with out preoccupation with another's thoughts or opinion of me. Stop thinking so much, I tell myself, and just BE. Not always doable when you've got stuff bouncing around inside your head (or a congealed glop of depression for a brain).

[cocoabeans]

Yes but, in my experience even if people know you're completely nuts, no one is going to do anything it or even say anything. Well, they may avoid you but you can generally carry on without much of a hassle.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by cocoabeans

Yes but, in my experience even if people know you're completely nuts, no one is going to do anything it or even say anything. Well, they may avoid you but you can generally carry on without much of a hassle.

i second this. from experience most wont do anything.
except some stare at me and i admit from time to time i get passing comments in stores and stuff.

Originally Posted by mojave_rose8

I have been under a lot of work-related stress lately and frankly, not been acting myself. I have always been weird, but I think I am being weird even for me. (I laugh to myself a lot, but lately, I have been laughing uncontrollably in public places, for no discernible reason ... I mean, it's usually a thought that is funny to me, but what do onlookers know?)

In addition, I just started a new med (Trileptal), but I am at a small dose.

I was with a friend today, and she didn’t say it, but I could see she thought something was not right about me. Like, maybe I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown because of work stress. Honestly, I think she believes I am crazy, that something is very off, and I think that maybe even she is afraid of me.

It feels awful, but then I feel I am paranoid for even thinking that way – for ascribing to her feelings that she might not have. She never said she thinks I am crazy, but there was a look in her eye, and I just – KNEW.

I guess I am teetering on the edge – maybe an upswing, or more likely, a mixed state – but I think I keep myself healthy (med-compliant, eat regularly, sleep regularly, exercise regularly) enough to avoid a major mental-health crisis. (I have had those, believe me.)

Does this sound like paranoia?? Has anyone else experienced these feelings of fearing others think you’re crazy??

Not only yes, but HELL yes. I think it's normal. I wouldn't worry too much at this point, however if it gets worse call pdoc and/or T. Good luck.

[Darth Bane]

yes i guess.... but it is easier to fool others... people see what they want to see... i don't talk too much in conversation... i encourage others to speak... so bottom line is people love my company and i am known as "strong and silent" .... nobody has any idea how hard it is for me to socialize/connect with others..... just read some body language books....every move you make must be rehearsed... the way you make eye contact,walk,talk,speak.... and silence always works...

[Inedible]

Does it help to realize that everyone is crazy to some degree and that most people are just good at hiding it? Almost everyone looks better from the outside than they actually are on the inside. The exceptions are people like Buddha and Jesus, and they really make people uncomfortable because being healthy they don't fit in at all.