[purpledaisy]

Still waiting for that much-needed hypomania to kick in so I can feel a surge of creativity to start making things in my life happen.

This book isn't going to write itself.

These clients and future clients aren't going to be helped by me if -- well -- I don't help them.

I've been bad about taking my Wellbutrin lately. I'm supposed to take 100 mg SR in the morning and in the evening. I've been taking 1 maybe every 2 or 3 days.

Still bumming over the backlash of hateful things said by some people on this forum. People I have never heard of before, who have never contributed to conversations that I have been involved with before, and said things that were not helpful at all.

Thanks to the many, many folks on this forum who sent me private messages.

Meanwhile, I went to someone's cabin overnight with several other people. I had been half-way looking forward to it for a week and a half. At the last minute, I was dreading it and hoping to think of a way to cancel.

But I made myself go.

The ride down there was awkward. Several hours with people I have nothing in common with, other than being distant relatives.

The overnight stay, itself, was fine. Nothing great. Nothing bad. All it amounted to was:

* Arriving
* Saying hello to everyone
* Sitting on the deck and watching deer come really close to eat
* The women made dinner while the men sat on their rears
* We ate dinner
* The women cleaned up dinner while the men sat on their rears
* We played a card game
* Everyone slept and I was up most of the night by a chainsmoker who coughed with every breath as she slept
* The women made breakfast while the men sat on their rears
* The women cleaned up breakfast while the men sat on their rears
* And then we all drove home.

Not very exciting. Everyone told me I would really enjoy the chance to relax in nature. Nope.

Reception on my cell phone was spotty, so my texts kept bouncing. I could get on Facebook on my phone, only to be kicked right off. Since I was using my cell phone as a wi-fi hotspot, I kept getting kicked offline.

Very frustrating because had a couple of orders from clients that needed my attention and I couldn't get them to download.

On top of all of this, a couple of the older people who were there are NOTORIOUS racists and "male chauvinist pigs." (Do people still use the phrase "male chauvinist pig"? It was used a lot when I was a kid.)

They think it's perfectly fine to feel this way because it is how they were raised. One of them is 80 and one is 60, and when they were young people in their very small rural town, it was normal to use the "N-word" all the time. They still do, and nearly every conversation involves use of the "N-word" at some point, blaming them for what's wrong with society.

An example of the kind of things they said -- One man was talking about if women are going to be hired to do men's work, they damn well better be able to do the job instead of asking the men for help, like the women in the factory where he used to work. Another man said he was sick of women taking jobs that should be given to men so they can support their families, and he's also sick of seeing (N-words) take jobs that should have gone to white women.

So it's best if you're a white male. Second best if you're a white woman. And you're out of luck if you're an N-word.

One of the older men told me there used to be a sign posted in their small town, next to the city limits sign, that said "coloreds" weren't welcome there.

I said, "That's awful," and he looked at me like I was the one in the wrong.

Lovely weekend as far as making strides into this century, no?

Meanwhile, back at home...

My son was going to come by the house several times to take care of the pets. Looks like he came by once. I don't see evidence of the dog or cats being fed any cans of their wet food.

He won't respond to my texts, and I have held back and not sent the texts that I was about to send when I saw that he was not here as often as he said he was going to come.

Now that I'm home, I'm back to my normal, boring life.

People say that it's good to force yourself to be around other people. Reach out and have a little human connection. But all it does is remind me of what I don't have.

I find fault with people. Like the couple who invited us to the lakehouse.

They both have grown kids. She married this guy after knowing him less than a year. He is a major redneck hillbilly. He has missing and rotten teeth, and they are right in the front of his mouth so you can't avoid seeing them. He can barely put a sentence together and speak properly.

Somehow, she was able to overlook this and accept this guy the way he is.

I can't imagine living like that.

I'm by myself, with days and days of zero human contact. But I'd rather be without human contact instead of living with a hillbilly with missing teeth, who uses the N-word every day and thinks he's better than everyone else because he happened to be born a white male.

But it does remind me that I don't have anyone to talk with, share a TV show or movie with, share a meal with, make plans with, have similar hopes and dreams, etc.

I enjoyed reading this purpledaisy. While I dont know you. But the part about these older men sat on their rears while the women cookedsorry but I laughed outnloud. That's the older genrtation but I'd say more in my ecperience men in thier srventies. I hate rasicm as well though. I'm in my forties and was first told I was manic depressive at about the same age.

The best part to me would have been the lake and the deer. I don't e er judge someone by appearance though. If he has missing teeth I'm sure there's a resson gor it. And he is just repeating the lamguage and thoughts of those around him.

[Kristiemarie]

I understand your point but remember that changing at 80 or even 60, is crazy hard, especially when you were raised on something. Perception is reality and their reality was racism. by this time, they've been there done that and feel its their right to think and behave how they want. It's not right and I agree with you that it's awful and racist but you just have to ignore it and try to help teach the young to think differently by showing them that all people are equal as humans. You can't waste your energy on someone who doesn't want to change.

I do think you had every right to say something though, if it makes you uncomfortable. Your comfort and happiness is just as important as anyone else's.

[H3rmit]

Sounds like a visit to my sister's, which I no longer do. N-word was never big up here in Canada, but since we have a lot of different immigrants, there is a whole host of ethnic/racial slurs that sister's husband and husband's brother like to use. It was embarrassing when he was in his 30s and it's still embarrassing and disgusting now he's about 60. Not that I've seen them for a while. The sitting on butts while the women do the work is also the standard there.

Those are not the kind of people you want to spend extra time with, generally. I feel slimed just thinking about it.

[unaluna]

O.m.g. omg!! Freakin hilarious! Well maybe he has a huge you know what.

[sunblossom]

Thanks for sharing that Purpledaisy. I can relate on a lot of levels. As for socializing, while I too might feel a craving for it now and then.... for the most part I find it highly over rated and I am always so so happy to get back into my comfy places again. The only up side is that it 'counts' as socializing when people hag on me to be more social. It buys me time until I am 'required' to do it again.

[faerie_moon_x]

Well, Daisy, it's all about standards. You still have standards and that's not a bad thing. I wouldn't be able to live with a racist. That is one thing I can't stand.

I think what is meant when we say to try to go out and be around people, it's more like, try to find people who share common things. These people don't sound very in-common with you. Take a hobby you enjoy and go find people who do the same thing. Like a book club or a knitting circle or cooking classes or bike riding club. There are lots of things out there.

I think there are ways to find them online. One of my co-workers is single with adult children, so she's home alone a lot, and she's very into using Yahoo to find social things to do. She is very into bike riding and has joined a bunch of clubs for mountain biking and city biking. She's in one club where they all dress up in themed costumes once a week and ride around the city looking like a bunch of crazy people, then at the end they all go for a beer. Like once they all went as their favorite biblical characters, or once they all wore sparkly wigs and flag shirts for 4th of July (I think they were supposed to be fireworks.)