[Moose72]

It happened again. A few weeks ago, I got angry. They say anger goes with mania or depression. But when I get angry I start screaming and swearing. I am not myself in any sense of the word. Sometimes, I get so worn out by it, that I flop down exhausted. Something must trigger it. I'm not sure what that is, though there is a sense of something from 30 years ago. I've heard of other bipolar people talking of this anger- of this rage- in mania or depression. I just break down, screaming and swearing, and last time- as wrote- I ended up walking down the middle of the snow-laden street in the dark in my pajamas without a coat. One time, it was so bad, I went to the ER. Of course, now I am almost afraid to go to the ER for both the lack of sleep and the waste of time if the insurance won't pay. What a mess. And why write all of this? Just was on my mind. Its a part of bipolar. Some people get so angry that they get arrested. Thank goodness that hasn't been me. But the intrusive thoughts sure do play. Oh boy, do they. Even years ago- maybe 8 or so- I saw the kids at my son's kindergarten's spines and skulls being ripped out of their bodies. Intrusive thoughts. "Horror movie hallucinations", some call them. They just play. That's one thing writing helps- its a PLACE for these thoughts to go, so they might have a home. Doesn't mean they won't be re-read, but once they're here, they really won't want to leave.

[optimize990h]

I liked your post and what you had to say about how the writing helped you. I especially enjoyed how you handled intrusive thoughts.

[faerie_moon_x]

Yes, I have the rage. Something always triggers it, however. Like an argument. Or if someone is rude to me. Sometimes it's this underlying rage. Other times it's highly explosive and I have an episode. I only explode at adults and not physically. And yes, it causes intrusive thoughts, like you say, horror movie thoughts. Usually directed toward the person I am angry at. My anger at the person will last a long time, send me into obsessive thought loops, sometimes for months. If I think of that person it will cause a whole new explosion...

So.... yes, I understand.

[~Christina]

I understand it ..

Right now I want to beat the hell out of the world. Rage ? Yes loaded with it.

Im glad your being able to write about it helps you.

[Moose72]

Yes it does seem to stay around and come back more easily once I've exploded.

[Confusedinomicon]

I used to hit and verbally abuse people around me in rages. I had to learn what triggers were. Took me a long time to get over it.

Now I just cry. :/ Dunno if that's any better.

[Moose72]

I do both . I dunno what's worse either.

[cool09]

Easily irritable, severe agitation, rage are symptoms of manic-depression and other mental illnesses and disorders. Atypical anti-psychotic medication is used for agitation. Are you taking any? Zyprexa worked well for me for a short period then wore off. It completely drains me, as well which is why I've been on SSDI last 8 years. Doesn't necessarily have to be something psychological. Could be a chemical imbalance. But once it's triggered I can not manage it. I don't act out (but have come close). I know the difference between right and wrong. I would see a PDOC.

[faerie_moon_x]

I don't hit. I scream at them. I cry too, and then I end up hitting myself..... >.>

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by cool09

Easily irritable, severe agitation, rage are symptoms of manic-depression and other mental illnesses and disorders. Atypical anti-psychotic medication is used for agitation. Are you taking any? Zyprexa worked well for me for a short period then wore off. I would see a PDOC.

I'm already on Zyprexa and it was just trippled.

[AeonDM]

Anger expressed as rage seems powerful but it is often the result of feeling quite helpless, powerless, and/or incompetent. Anger expressed as rage is abusive. The feelings that produce the feelings of rage may be important to understand much better and in and of themselves are nor always unhealthy. However. the expression of them as rage directed outwardly at others or inwardly at yourself is not helpful, constructive, or healthy.

Unexpressed and/or unacknowledged pain that becomes anger that feeds rage wreaks havoc in their lives and anyone who knows, loves and cares about them.

Rage is an expression of anger. It is at the apex of this continuum of anger. It is the most extreme expression of anger, whether it is expressed outwardly or inwardly. It is the most abusive and self-defeating expression of anger. Underlying all anger is pain. Underlying pain of anger are unmet needs. Anger, when experienced and coped with in a mindful way is healthy reaction to unmet needs, violated boundaries, or transgressed limits emotionally or physically. Anger is an important and protective emotion. What matters most in the arena of anger is how it is expressed.

Rage is a primitive emotionally immature child-like expression of thwarted needs and/or (actual or perceived) invalidation at best.

Note: Not of my own words.

[Moose72]

Please give the source of that quite. If like to look it up.

[AeonDM]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Please give the source of that quite. If like to look it up.

It's from a BPD book. I don't know if my quoting will get me in trouble with the author on the web.

[Moose72]

Interesting. I don't have BPD though.

[AeonDM]

I don't know how my wife got the book, but pm may be a good idea.

[Kristiemarie]

I lash out all the time. I feel terrible after but it literally takes over. I hate it.

[kalle9]

I am slowly realizing I have anger issues. Verbal, not physical. Something usually triggers it and I fly off the handle. Sometimes people around me think I am making a valid point but the manner in which I do so is off putting. Its a struggle for me because I have always been a been a bit blunt and to the point. Which is how I do prefer people to interact with me. But lately things just send me into a rage. I know where it all stems from, my childhood. Working on it has been tough.