insight

Today I'm able to see how clearly I have been paranoid and distrustful for most of my adult life. As my T said part of its the trauma, part environment, part of the illness. I have been emotionally abusive to ppl myself. When I feel misunderstood I get so frustrated toward one of my sister's. I'm going to write a letter to her. We are very different but nobody deserves to be treated as the enemy when they are trying to help. I feel so guilty.

That's what I need to tell her. But I've been here before....

I'm glad you've had this insight. I think you're doing the right thing by writing your sis a letter, even if you've been down that road before. Perhaps with more therapy, you can catch yourself before you do something to hurt someone else.

It's good ur trying to make things right w/ ur sister. I hope u find clarity.

Definitely! Admitting you've hurt someone or that you were wrong for whatever reason can be such a healing thing. Forgive yourself, even if you're not immediately forgiven by others. And be sure to make these "amends" while you can -- having lost my younger brother a few years ago without letting him know I had come to realize how I had mistreated him... the guilt and hopeless feeling -- when it is too late -- just feeds depression or whatever crap you're trying to heal in yourself. Do it because you mean it and you would like the other to know... but also because it is good for you.

I talked with her. I said I understand why u have distanced urself from me. I've really hurt u.

She said and I can't believe this.....I've hurt u too. I will always be there for u etc.

I think she is really trying to understand this illness. She has been very cold abt it in the past, saying things like I don't want to hear how the meds affect you just take them!!

I would get so angry with her. And then I would tell her how uncaring she is.

We are very different, I'm passionate, intense, always for the underdog, have problems with authority.

She is very consistent, not that emotional, usually listens to authority without question.

We both need to be more supportive and loving to each other. My other sister's and I get along fairly well. Her and I have always had problems especially since my mom died. I'm learning I need to accept her if I want her to accept me.

One of my sister's (who has been so helpful when I went into that last mixed episode) is even reading a book on bipolar. She is such a sweet woman.

I'm still learning.

I wanted to add that it means a lot to me that one of my sister's is reading a book abt bipolar bc in my family we are supposed to act like we are always ok. Having someone in the family with a mental illness just isn't talked about.

Btw, my mom wasn't like that. My mom and I were very alike. Oh I so miss her. and I always will.

I'm so glad you and your sister had a talk. Sometimes it's hard to get along with people who are so different. It seems like you both can heal the rift together. I'm sure it will take some practice, though.

That's awesome your other sister is reading about bipolar. I understand that whole "act like we're all okay" thing. It's annoying.

Way cool when any family member makes an effort to learn about mental illness. It's just too common that people close to you can be so stand-offish and cold. I'm thinking Mary Tyler Moore in "Ordinary People" (great flick, see it if you haven't). She didn't want people to know. She didn't like "messes". My Mom is gone and I wish she'd been different... she refused to learn about depression. "Why would I want to know how awful that feels?"

I haven't seen it I will look for it on Netflix....thanks

Well sis that I don't do well with and I got into it again....that sure didn't last long. She is so cold and shaming. I would hate to live in her skin she has high blood pressure etc maybe if she would allow herself to feel a little she wouldn't be so without compassion. maybe if she would deal with her traumas instead of running from them she wouldn't shake all the time.....so hurtful she can be.

I really think with this particular sister it's best that we don't have a relationship. One of my other sister's thinks that as well. K I will call her (the sis I don't get along with) is never going to change. I can admit when I'm wrong bit she isn't capable of it. Best to be out of each other's lives. Sad.

Hi passionskyy,
Maybe give it some more time before you make the big decision to end your relationship with your sister? It was only a few days ago that you were feeling positive that your relationship might be improving. Maybe just distance yourself from her for a while to give yourself some space?

I agree. I'm not too stable right now. Need to wait before I make any big decisions. Thanks for your input.

Good idea to give it some space. Sometimes things will work out somehow.