[Clinte89]

Hello all I have been fighting with this for a good while and I think I need some help. I have been wondering if I'm gay. I have been wondering this for a while and have considered myself bi for a long time. My parents don't know that I consider myself bi and I feel if they knew they would disown me at least my dad would. I have been really fighting to write this all day because I'm afraid they will find out. I can't have a relationship with another guy because then it would be obvious and a huge fight would start and like I said most o my family would disown me. Ugh what do I do? I know I'm attracted to guys and always get along with them Better than girls. So maybe I'm gay. I'm tired of this awayd being on the back of my mind. Help and god I hope my parents don't find this but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

[optimize990h]

Clinte89, just in case you might need additional support(besides PC members), here are a couple of links that might be helpful.

Gay Teen Forum
Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out - Powered by vBulletin

Just let you know that your situation is a challenge, so hang in there.(I am also guessing you are a young adult, so not meaning any disrespect if I presumed incorrectly.)

[BipolaRNurse]

I have a gay son, and I love him every bit as much, if not more than I did before he finally figured it out and told me. I've known since he was 3 years old....chances are, someone in your family has already added two and two, and will be happy to know that you've caught up at last.

Being gay is NOT a bad thing. I am a late-middle-aged, conservative Catholic woman who has marched in a Pride parade and have no problem introducing my son's life partner as my son-in-law. I believe in them wholeheartedly and support their commitment to each other. How could a mother not do this for her child? There is no other way to be IMHO. And I'll bet you have some people in your family who feel the same way......you just have to give them a chance to prove it.

Be strong, and be brave....it's okay to be the person God made you to be. HE doesn't make mistakes! And if you ever need moral support, please feel free to message me.

[Clinte89]

Thanks folks. I feel better about it but still not sure what to do. I had a girlfriend once and loved it, but even she thought I was gay. Ive been taught my whole life its wrong and unnatural. And thanks optimaize yes Im 24 now but have been fiighting with this identity crisis since my early 20s.

[bos314489]

I feel like our struggles with bipolar are enough to deal with. I know you just got to feeling better and now I wish you weren't facing another struggle. Just be who you are and be happy. You can't live for your parents. What is the worst thing that can happen, you know? You deserve to be happy don't you think?

[Melmo]

I know how hard it is Clinte. I am also 24 years old, and have known I am bi since about 16-17 years old. It was hard, I kept it to myself mostly except for some friends. I didn't tell my mom until she found out from someone else a few years ago, and I still don't know if my dad knows, but I am lucky enough to have a very accepting dad so even if he knows, he doesn't care.
Don't know what to say other than just try to relax and give yourself time to get used to the idea. It gets easier with time.

[Secretum]

I'm a queer woman; I've known that I was attracted to women since I was 13, but I didn't accept it until I was 16, and I didn't come out to my parents until a few months ago, at 21! It's a process, but coming out is, in my opinion, a risk worth taking. It's liberating to know that, when my parents say they love me, I know that they mean the "real" me, not a fake mask I hide behind.

I found that coming out as bi was easier for me, because I already had practice from when I told my parents I had been dx'd with bipolar. In fact, coming out as bipolar was a scarier process for me than coming out as bisexual! Your parents have already dealt with learning that you are not who they thought you were when they found out you suffer from bipolar, and they still love you and accept you. That is encouraging.

Before you come out, though, it's best to be fully accepting of yourself. Remember that being gay is natural. I highly recommend the facebook page "have a gay day". They post a lot of really encouraging, positive, supportive stuff concerning sexual orientation. You don't have to "like" the page; you can just visit it and see all the content.

It can also help to tell a friend who you know will be accepting before telling your parents. That way, if your parents really freak out, you will have your friend to support you through the difficult time.

Good luck, and lots of hugs and support!

[Chupacabra]

Hugs, Clinte. I don't have advice to offer. Just wanted to say keep your chin up & I hope your family will be able to accept you for who you are! If not, you can come to my house for the holidays

[Clinte89]

Thanks everyone I think I'll just admit to myself that I'm at least bisexual, and then get used to that and maybe letu family know. I think I may eventually get in a relationship with another guy and see if I like it cause I know I'm attracted to other men so it's worth a try right and I could keep the relationship hidden from my parents. What is your advice?

[Moose72]

Huge hugs! You are still loved by me! No matter !

[Confusedinomicon]

I think I would do it like Secretum said. Maybe before you even get into a relationship you should confide in someone you can trust in RL. They don't have to be a part of your family, though.

Coming out is always difficult and it's courageous that you're willing to go through with it. Good luck.<333333

Coming out can be terribly scary, but most do find their families to be much more resilient than perceived. I am a female who remembers being attracted to females from an extremely early age before I knew what attraction was. I made sense of it at thirteen, which unfortunately in a bullying incident at school I spilled the beans, and out of fear of my small town, I went straight home and told my mom I was bi. At the time was my thought. She didn't accept it until I was around 21 or so. Her reaction made me afraid to tell my dad. I told him at 17, when my first love broke my heart. I didn't know how to breathe without her. He said he'd known all my life and was waiting for me to tell him.

I identified as lesbian from 15 to 25, with a fleeting teetering moment in college around 19. For the last year or so, I've struggled with the idea that I may be more bisexual than I used to think.

Point is, only you know what feels right for you, and no matter how your parents react, you will feel better in the end for not living a lie. Good luck and best wishes!

[Trippin2.0]

Do what's in your best interest, what makes YOU happy. Because ultimately, you live with the consequences of your decisions, not the people you try to please or appease
Love you muchness Clint, no matter which team you bat for

[Clinte89]

Thanks everyone. Your all so nice and encouraging I'm not sure when I will be coming out my parents but when I do I hope they are as supportive.

[~Christina]

This is your life. It dosen't matter what gender you are with... as long as they love you, treat you well that's the important thing !

Love is Love find it where you can

[Clinte89]

Well I was going to tell them Im Bi but my dad talked about how wrong it is to be gay and all that stuff. Its just a bad time I think.

[bluemountains]

Hi Clint,
Remember that you are the Clint that everyone loves, and I'll bet they all want happiness for you. Your dad might be slow to come around, or he might surprise you!

I have four children, and when any of them find love both my husband and I will be happy for them.

I hope you find comfort and happiness soon, Clint!
Bluemountains

[renee_28]

Hi!
I struggled with this very same question about a year ago, and it was really hard. I wish there was an easy answer, but I found the best way to understand is to try it out. I know it may be hard, and definitely risky, but it's the best way to truly understand how you feel. Try talking to people on a gay, bisexual forum and get a feel for it. It helps I promise!

[Lauru]

My Mom and Dad were always against gay people, and outspoken about it. I tried to be straight for so long, and it was terrible. I was miserable. So first I decided I was bi because technically I had been witha guy. But I always preferred women. When I got together with my first partner, I was so relieved andhappy. I came out to my mom and she told my dad, because I so did not want to face him. My parents are very conservative. My dad was born in 1933 and my Mom in 1942. My mom was great when I told her and told me she just wanted me to be happy and hse loved me no matter what. My dad was harder. We never talked about it, andhe has since died. My mom tells me that he accepted it to an extent and just wanted me to be happy. I wish the best for you. Your parents may come around, they may not. It could be good, bad, or indifferent. What I do know is that as I got older and because an adult, I just didn't care what others thought of me. Remember only you can decide what its best for you. Wishing you the best.

[Clinte89]

I don't think my dad will accept me. So I'm gonna keep it to myself. I would like to find a guy who's not lookin for sex right away and maybe would let me get used to it because I already feel so ashamed to think this way it's gonna take me a while to get used to fooling around. Ugh I'm so conflicted I want to be free of this stress and burden on my shoulders. But I can't tell my family.

[Melmo]

Hugs Clint, I remember feeling exactly like that years ago. I hope it gets better for you soon.

[Clinte89]

Yeah its embarrassing and I feel so much shame for even considering experimenting.

[Darth Bane]

its weird timing but just when you were writing this thread... i was thinking about this guy for last 2-3 days ... he was like cutest guy i ever met... his smile...his body... i don't think he was gay but if he was he was totally out of my league..... gosh...(i am thinking about his body right now ) .... i am in manic phase for weeks now and it always make me like this... hypersexual... luckily there are not many cute guys around as there are cute girls... and most of the time girls are more beautiful than guys... and i think i am 80% straight.... another thing i live in conservative environment..... luckily not in france so i am still straight...... i mean i haven't experimented yet...... but if i get chance with this guy .... and i always thought zac efron as quite good looking but again he is just way out of my league....

[faerie_moon_x]

Clint, you should check out the movie Prayers for Bobby (it's a Lifetime movie with Sigourney Weaver,) but it's a true story. It's about a mom who didn't accept her son was gay and he ended up commiting suicide, but then she turned around and realized she was wrong. And I think the real lady has set up something to help religious families come to terms with having a LGTB child and accepting them.

I don't know much else except the movie, but I bet if you check it out they will have ways to find info on this subject.

For me, I don't care if any of my sons end up that they are gay as long as they find love and happiness in their lives, that's all that matters to me. But, I know so many people don't feel that way. But gay, straight, bi, whatever doesn't matter to me.

[Clinte89]

Thanks everyone I'm still really ashamed I think this way I have always been open though even in front of my parents if I see a cute guy. Maybe they already know that I fantasize about guys.