[thebelljar12]

Hi there,

First off, thanks for looking. I am a female, married, 26, and I live in Boston, Mass. I had my first hypomanic episode which was induced by too many antidepressants about a year ago. It lasted for a few months, during this time I only needed about 5 hrs of sleep a night, I was obsessed with working out (I needed that physical release), I couldn't stop going on small shopping sprees (I never got us in major debt, I couldn't hurt my hubby like that), I was constantly irritable and *****y and difficult to be with. I would have crying fits in the middle of the workday and go outside or in a bathroom stall until it passed. It all came to a head when I went to the gym one night and it was closing in 20 minutes. I didn't have my phone on me, but I needed to call my husband and tell him that I was going to drive 20 minutes away (at 8 PM) to work out at my employer's gym. He was really worried. I was so desperate to work out I was going to go outside in the freezing cold and do pushups on the cement! Anyways, I got to my workplace and realized I didn't have my security key card, so I drove all the way over there for nothing and still couldn't work out.

I was livid, and wanted to die. I didn't see the point of living anymore. I thought of crashing my truck on the way home. It was this constant irritability and inconsistency that led us to decide I needed to go to a mental hospital.

It's been a year, and in between that time and now, I have switched meds and seen a psychiatrist/psychologist, and really turned myself around. If anything, I was in a depressed state for almost half the year then I started to feel better. Recently, I'd say in the last few weeks, I am becoming obsessed with getting free stuff off of craigslist. I am addicted to checking the website, looking at all the pictures (even if i know i don't need it) and thinking about going on tons of road trips to pick stuff up. I live in a small 2 bedroom apartment, and my husband hates used furniture, pretty much anything used he hates. So it's me pining over wanting to be a hoarder and adventurous and exciting. It's an adrenaline rush, thinking that you can get stuff for free, the drive over, hoping its still there, and the amazing satisfaction you feel when you find something good.

I also feel little obsessions tugging at me like... I do a TON of window shopping. I swear my husband is a godsend, without him I would be in ridiculous amounts of debt right now. Like today, I almost bought a set of curtain rods and drapes, which would have cost close to $100 (even at a cheap store). I find myself imagining my home with new stuff and constantly changing it. I also still want to work out way more than my husband does. I feel ridiculously guilty and depressed if I don't stick with it and go.

Now, I don't think I'm full on "manic" because I have been sleeping fine, if anything, sleeping too much. I sleep for around 8-10 hrs a night and sometimes need a nap during the day. I'm not on a ton of antidepressants, just a small dose of celexa. I am on a mood stabilizer, non-stimulant ADD meds, and a beta blocker.

If this is striking a cord with anyone, or if you think im overreacting, I just really need some help figuring out what's going on with me. I'm seeing my meds doctor again Monday and I want to accurately report what's going on. Thank you so much, have a lovely night

[~Christina]

Could be heading into a Mixed episode.

Be sure to let your Pdoc know, It would probably be best to write it all down or just print out this post and hand it over to he/she.

Hope you can get back on even ground really soon.

Welcome to PC

[thebelljar12]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Could be heading into a Mixed episode.

Be sure to let your Pdoc know, It would probably be best to write it all down or just print out this post and hand it over to he/she.

Hope you can get back on even ground really soon.

Welcome to PC

Thanks, Christina! I appreciate your support and feedback, and I will definitely keep a record of it.

[guyanaman1963]

Originally Posted by thebelljar12

Hi there,

First off, thanks for looking. I am a female, married, 26, and I live in Boston, Mass. I had my first hypomanic episode which was induced by too many antidepressants about a year ago. It lasted for a few months, during this time I only needed about 5 hrs of sleep a night, I was obsessed with working out (I needed that physical release), I couldn't stop going on small shopping sprees (I never got us in major debt, I couldn't hurt my hubby like that), I was constantly irritable and *****y and difficult to be with. I would have crying fits in the middle of the workday and go outside or in a bathroom stall until it passed. It all came to a head when I went to the gym one night and it was closing in 20 minutes. I didn't have my phone on me, but I needed to call my husband and tell him that I was going to drive 20 minutes away (at 8 PM) to work out at my employer's gym. He was really worried. I was so desperate to work out I was going to go outside in the freezing cold and do pushups on the cement! Anyways, I got to my workplace and realized I didn't have my security key card, so I drove all the way over there for nothing and still couldn't work out.

I was livid, and wanted to die. I didn't see the point of living anymore. I thought of crashing my truck on the way home. It was this constant irritability and inconsistency that led us to decide I needed to go to a mental hospital.

It's been a year, and in between that time and now, I have switched meds and seen a psychiatrist/psychologist, and really turned myself around. If anything, I was in a depressed state for almost half the year then I started to feel better. Recently, I'd say in the last few weeks, I am becoming obsessed with getting free stuff off of craigslist. I am addicted to checking the website, looking at all the pictures (even if i know i don't need it) and thinking about going on tons of road trips to pick stuff up. I live in a small 2 bedroom apartment, and my husband hates used furniture, pretty much anything used he hates. So it's me pining over wanting to be a hoarder and adventurous and exciting. It's an adrenaline rush, thinking that you can get stuff for free, the drive over, hoping its still there, and the amazing satisfaction you feel when you find something good.

I also feel little obsessions tugging at me like... I do a TON of window shopping. I swear my husband is a godsend, without him I would be in ridiculous amounts of debt right now. Like today, I almost bought a set of curtain rods and drapes, which would have cost close to $100 (even at a cheap store). I find myself imagining my home with new stuff and constantly changing it. I also still want to work out way more than my husband does. I feel ridiculously guilty and depressed if I don't stick with it and go.

Now, I don't think I'm full on "manic" because I have been sleeping fine, if anything, sleeping too much. I sleep for around 8-10 hrs a night and sometimes need a nap during the day. I'm not on a ton of antidepressants, just a small dose of celexa. I am on a mood stabilizer, non-stimulant ADD meds, and a beta blocker.

If this is striking a cord with anyone, or if you think im overreacting, I just really need some help figuring out what's going on with me. I'm seeing my meds doctor again Monday and I want to accurately report what's going on. Thank you so much, have a lovely night

What were you diagonesed with and and how?

[manicminer]

Sounds like you've got the typical cycle going on. Extended mania followed by extended depression (your brain's way of recovery from the strain put on it by the mania) and now you're swinging back to the manic side of things.

Like Christina said, follow up with your doc on all these things. Keep a log of somekind so you can keep track of your own moods and behaviors. This can be a very helpful tool for both you and your doc.

Best wishes and good luck.

Sorry this is happening to you BelleJar12, but it does look as if your meds need tweaking to hold your brain chemistry stable.

I've posted so much about being pro-active in our care with this illness; maybe you
could look back at one written today to a member who calls himself "Odee". I tried
to give him some ideas that have worked for me and some others about things we
can do to help keep the chemistry reasonably stable.

Please see his post on "Where to Go When You feel Lamictal Alone Isn't Enough" or something similar to that at the bottom of page 1 on the Biplar Forum. It might give you some ideas on how to manage and protect your health.

Take care and do let your doctor know you're having some mood elevation.

[thebelljar12]

Originally Posted by guyanaman1963

What were you diagonesed with and and how?

I was diagnosed as Bipolar II after my first manic episode.

Before that, for nearly 10 years, It was though of as depression with some anxiety in my early college years.

After looking deeper into my irritability, I have discussed with my doctors that I think not being able to concentrate or remember things causes a lot of my anger.

I am now thinking it may be a mixed episode, but its probably hard to tell with bipolar II.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by thebelljar12

I was diagnosed as Bipolar II after my first manic episode.

Before that, for nearly 10 years, It was though of as depression with some anxiety in my early college years.

After looking deeper into my irritability, I have discussed with my doctors that I think not being able to concentrate or remember things causes a lot of my anger.

I am now thinking it may be a mixed episode, but its probably hard to tell with bipolar II.

I think shopping sprees (or the desire to do so) have become so closely associated with mania, even in society in general, that sometimes we need to remind ourselves that all kinds of people go on shopping sprees for any number of reasons (including, I suspect, people with Bipolar Disorder, but not in the midst of an episode). Maybe one of several ways to try to figure out if you're in an episode is to think about if there's any particular reason, internal/specific to you, that you want to do the shopping, Craig's List, etc., aside from the desire just coming out of nowhere. I think shopping can be a way to self-soothe when we're feeling depressed or just really crappy.

Regardless, you're obviously struggling a lot. I was happy/encouraged to read about how much you've improved, the strides you've taken over the years -congratulations! I'll hope for you that this is a 'blip' (albeit a very painful one) and you will get back on the road forward you had been on before. Best of luck!

[thebelljar12]

Originally Posted by ultramar

I think shopping sprees (or the desire to do so) have become so closely associated with mania, even in society in general, that sometimes we need to remind ourselves that all kinds of people go on shopping sprees for any number of reasons (including, I suspect, people with Bipolar Disorder, but not in the midst of an episode). Maybe one of several ways to try to figure out if you're in an episode is to think about if there's any particular reason, internal/specific to you, that you want to do the shopping, Craig's List, etc., aside from the desire just coming out of nowhere. I think shopping can be a way to self-soothe when we're feeling depressed or just really crappy.

Regardless, you're obviously struggling a lot. I was happy/encouraged to read about how much you've improved, the strides you've taken over the years -congratulations! I'll hope for you that this is a 'blip' (albeit a very painful one) and you will get back on the road forward you had been on before. Best of luck!

Hi Ultramar,
The main reason that I think it may be a problem is because my husband knows the patterns that I get into, and if I do actually spend the money, and when I used to, we seriously talked about him taking away my debit and credit cards.

I've never spent a huge amount of money at a time. But I think you're right, ever since our cat passed away I feel a lot of loneliness and emptiness. Not only am I looking for free stuff online, but I also look at the pet section and get myself really worked up, because I have so much love to give and its better for me, personally, to give it to an animal and I find it so rewarding. I cuddled a lot with our cat, he slept next to me 98% of the time and even let me hold him like a teddy bear. I've been unemployed these last 2 weeks and I think that's opened my mind to thinking a lot.

Being home alone all day made me realize how much I counted on our cat as a companion. My husband isn't healing from it nearly as fast as I am.

Thanks so much for getting me to see my urges in another way. I really appreciate it. And thanks so much for recognizing all of the progress I've made. It took a lot of time and effort and I do feel like I've accomplished something.

[guyanaman1963]

Originally Posted by thebelljar12

I was diagnosed as Bipolar II after my first manic episode.

Like GI JOE Said... Knowing is half the battle! You're finding relief by channeling energy to free stuff on crag's list. I myself cant keep off of the motor cycle section! If I may be so bold as to say... "we" are very emotional and just need to recognize it. I think you're doing fine and I pray that you keep it up!!!