[comicgeek007]

This is stupid I feel worse I think. My mood swings got worse after I got put on meds and now I'm in a nightmare trying to constantly pick up the pieces of my life I just wreaked havoc on.

I feel horrible and in a deeper depression than I've been in in a long time. I feel like no one in RL really listens and understands. I want to stop taking these damn chemicals! My pdoc acts like I'm not important enough to listen to. He just wanted me to pay him, shut up, and leave.

I wish I were dead but I don't feel like I could bring myself to seriously harm myself. I feel worthless, fat, annoying, needy.....

**** everything.

[Confusedinomicon]

Honestly, I think you need a really good therapist that you could see weekly if not twice a week.

I think most of your problems are psychologically driven as opposed to mood driven. I don't have an opinion on whether or not you should continue your medication. I do know its safer to talk to a doctor about a tapering program if you're considering going off your medication. I hope you talk to your pdoc about this.

[comicgeek007]

My T doesn't understand, and my pdoc doesn't give a flying ****.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/bipol...%2A%2Ahat.html

that was monday.

[BlueInanna]

(((Comic))) watch out for that Abilify ... I quit meds /lithium in November and mood swings are the same. (I'm trying to ween off klonopin but it's a tough one). I'm having a really bad day too and wish I were dead, but know I won't act on it. I really want to get back in therapy but can't afford it right now. I not trying to tell u one way or another it's a most personal decision. I'm sorry the meds aren't helping. I won't say more about meds cuz I'd like to avoid any confrontations right now. I support you in whatever your choice.

[comicgeek007]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

(((Comic))) watch out for that Abilify ... I quit meds /lithium in November and mood swings are the same. (I'm trying to ween off klonopin but it's a tough one). I'm having a really bad day too and wish I were dead, but know I won't act on it. I really want to get back in therapy but can't afford it right now. I not trying to tell u one way or another it's a most personal decision. I'm sorry the meds aren't helping. I won't say more about meds cuz I'd like to avoid any confrontations right now. I support you in whatever your choice.

I guess, despite what the other posts sound like, I'm not really in a confrontational mood. I'm open to suggestions. I jut got stuck on Abilify and it makes me feel like my emotions are't mine - super crazy hyper to really really depressed and self harming. But I've had these states before many times They just don't feel like me for some reason.

[manicdepressive07]

Maybe you need to switch providers? I love my therapist, but have thought several times about switching pdocs... he's not really THAT bad so I haven't really felt the NEED to yet. He's just annoying because I do feel like he doesn't understand me sometimes and just wants to push drugs on me and push me out the door... so I can definitely relate to what you're going through.

And maybe you need to switch your meds? Psych meds are weird in the sense that what works great for someone else, might not work for you. But i'm sure there is SOMETHING out there that can help? Also anytime I ever feel like getting off my meds (usually it's because I feel great and think I don't need them anymore though) I immediately think back to what it was like when I WASN'T on meds... all the crying, mood swings, extreme irritability and then i'm like "NOPE! I'm staying on"

I'm sorry you're hurting right now but please don't do anything to harm yourself. Unfortunately being bipolar comes with the territory of having some pretty intense uncomfortable emotions... but remember they are only temporary emotions and you WILL feel better again! Hugs

[BlueInanna]

Oh I did t mean u confrontational , never felt that from any your posts, soory for confusion. What I mean to say is that sometimes the med / no med topic brings out some intense controversy... That's all.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

I think most of your problems are psychologically driven as opposed to mood driven.

I agree, Confusednomicon. I'm no pdoc, but the low dosages of meds you're on (in addition to the fact that you just started Abilify) can't be the sole cause of your issues. I'm on 25 mg Abilify & have no ill effects.

[comicgeek007]

dude I'm so hyper now. It's like bam stroke of midnight no I'm a hyper freaking pumpkin XD

[punkypunky]

You probably haven't found the right mix of medications/therapy/etc for you. It takes a lot of trial and error.