[sweepy62]

Last month i was so depressed i am bipolar 1 with psychosis also suffer from generalized anxiety and borderline personality anyways i saw my pdoc on my husbands advice because i have been so depressed, my pdoc increased my zoloft and my depression lifted, also i had been gaining weight on abilify and lithium i dont know which one did it,but i decided to stop abilify for 2 weeks as well as lithium to at least lose a couple of pounds, not a good idea, i am now having a manic episode i am getting anywhere from 1 hour sleep to 3 hrs

i went to walmart and took something without paying for it my friends tell me that they wont invite me out because i am too random and impulsive for them, so i told them it should be an honor for them to have me in thier lives, oh well i been creating lots of arts and crafts took 40 dollars from my hubby, i am irritable as hell at times, but i can see life so clear all the colors seem so much brighter except for the hallucinations i am just great, I called my pdoc but she cant see me till next week anyway i just wanted to share how i was feeling

[emgreen]

Abilify is weight neutral & many folks claim they don't put on many pounds with lithium either. That aside, given the choice between going full-blown manic, or gaining weight, I'd choose the latter. I wish you well on getting back in your groove. Take care & be careful.

[bluewave7]

I love your honesty, Sweepy. It takes a lot of courage to lay our secrets out in an effort to share the burden with others who might understand. And I do understand. I used to shoplift and take money from my boyfriend back in my 20's but I realized it only hurt me. I also realized when I felt good about myself I made art or wrote poetry...like your crafts. I didn't itch to scratch that place I could never reach. Because the pit becomes bigger and deeper when I try to fill it with negative action and thoughts.

I was on lithium and gained 60 lbs. I know it is a first line and proven drug for many people. However, anything that makes me gain weight I refuse to be on. I am very upfront with my Pdoc about that because being huge makes me depressed and counteracts the meds. I have never been a happy camper when I was fat from meds. Just me. I am on Lamictal, geodon, celexa and lorazepam and ambien. Lamictal and geodon are mood stabilizers. They work with each other. Geodon is anti-psychotic. Celexa is an ssri, lorazepam for panic and gad and ambien for sleep. None of these meds make me gain weight but I question how well they work...but I have only been on them 4 weeks so I am holding out on making a call.

Being psychotic is really scary. I saw pictures warp on walls, smelled roses when there were no flowers in the apartment and heard a party going on in the elevator shaft. Also I was so afraid of everything, I was unable to cope, barely walk to the car to get to the hospital, shaking, clapping, freaking. I am glad that is over. I actually was very pleased with the hospital and grateful to have a safe place to be. Sometimes I long for a hospital stay again...no stress, three meals prepared, no normal people to feel less than around, safe, nowhere to be, rest...coloring and daily therapy!

It takes an average of two years to get the med cocktail flavor just right. Some get it sooner, some later. But don't give up...it will get better. Do you have a local support group? Also tricking your mind when you have a negative thought to go from that thought to the very worst thing that could happen, then to go from the very worst scenario to the very best thing that could happen...then find a thought that is between the worst and best because this is normally what will happen anyway. It works for me when I remember to do it.

Thanks for your open nd honest post.

[sweepy62]

thank you blue for not being judgemental as my friends irl anyway my support system consist of group and therapy my friends dont understand my episodes i cant blame them i guess i am just energetic and goofy i am going to see my pdoc next week hopefully