[faerie_moon_x]

You know that feeling how when you've lost something really important to you, and so now there's this big empty space. And you try and try to repair it and fill it in. But, nothing really fits right. Like putting the star block meant for the hole where the circle goes. It fits, but there are still gaps.

Then, you know, you get frustrated and you tell yourself it's not logical to try to fill in the hole with something else. And the thing that was there is gone, so you just have to deal with it or something.

I don't know how to deal with things like this very well or how to repair them. The big holes, I don't know how to fix them, and people say "time heals" but it only sort of does for me. I have wounds still that are 20 years old, how much time is it exactly until it heals? I have some big holes. Now I have this other big hole and I don't know what to do about it.

I know things have to change but I'm not good at that. I don't want change. I liked how things were before. I know that's not going to come back. So, I don't know how to fix this so I can move forward.

I'm stuck.

[Confusedinomicon]

Maybe small changes can help in the transition process?

Im not completely sure how I fill in the holes, myself. I don't know if they completely fill up.

Huggs

[Trippin2.0]

I honestly have no clue, and will not pretend to have one. But I'm listening and I love you sis
Please look after DH for me, because I'm too far away to do it myself Really wish I was there to give you a massive bear hug

[Moose72]

I have come to think we live in consecutive bubbles. But I hate losing my purse or phone too! It sucks! I know exactly what you're describing.

[Nessa213]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

Like putting the star block meant for the hole where the circle goes. It fits, but there are still gaps.

That's the best metaphor I think I've ever heard for this. And I know how it feels.

That whole "time heals all wounds" things is a bunch of bull, in my opinion. Sure, it will hurt a little less, maybe, but some things just won't go away completely. Some days it might hurt a little less than other days, but it's always there.

[douglas76]

The holes won't disappear, just as the pain will never stop. The holes will get smaller though, just as the pain will dull.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

[~Christina]

Oh being stuck and unable to move forward... DH I am so sorry you are having a struggle with this. I wish I had answers for you but, I just don't.

Just keep talking about it ... Maybe that is the only way to find a way to heal.

[sugahorse1]

I'm sorry you have these huge voids. Over time they do become more bearable. And for some holes we do find things to close them. Give yourself time to accept that the holes are there and don't beat yourself up about having holes.
Finding a purpose in life is something that has helped to start closing the gaps

[whoswho]

I think people are sometimes overoptimistic when discussing "time heals all wounds." It is true, but the extent of the healing is, unfortunately, variable.

Emotional wounds are similar to physical wounds. When you get a deep cut, it leaves a scar. The skin will never be as elastic or healthy as it was before the cut; there might even be permanent muscle damage underneath.

However, it's important to realize that you didn't die. The cut stopped bleeding. Skin--even if a bit weaker and tighter--eventually replaced the damaged skin. A scar remains, but even that scar slowly fades. It never disappears, and to hope it will disappear is only setting yourself up for disappointment. Perhaps the pain never stops, but perhaps it becomes a little more manageable.

And maybe it sounds a bit strange, but I think acknowledging the pain sometimes makes it a little less intense...

[faerie_moon_x]

Thanks everyone.

I just need to figure out how to live with this hole so that it doesn't completely devoure me, which is what it does. It paralyzes me and I get trapped in it. My coping skills are shakey in this area, and I don't have very many of them.