I feel need to explain and justify myself constantly

Soooooo... today I had job interview. So went to Prague, dressed up as bureuacrat on her way to exploit children in Africa, women of Eastern Europe and misuse EU funds. Not sure how interview went...

but after I went to look for shoes in one of the monstrous shopping malls in Prague. Once there some older guy asked me if I know where XY shop is at. I said I don't know, that I don't come here often. To which he said I look like I spend lot of time in this shopping center!!! To which I started to explain that no, that I don't even usually dress in this way and that I am all about sustainable development, fairtrade and supporting local producers and that I just need shoes. He was all O.o

I realized I didn't need to explain why I am wearing my "where's Brussels at?" attire. I didn't need to explain that I am in fact hippie.

But I do it often. I explain people why I am moving to Prague... eventhough moving to Prague is what people with my education do. But I feel I need to justify myself in front of people. I explain why I am eating in KFC (and can't just say "cause I like it!", I have to be all "I usually eat healthy, but sometimes I have little time and I need to eat meat to feel filled..."). And so on. When I volunteered in foster care and "my" kids were throwing tantrums in public I always tried to explain to everybody around that "those are not mine, I am from the foster care center".

Sometimes I go to such absurd degree... that I explain foreigners our history. Me in 2008 in Russia was constant ensuring of everybody who might not even cared that "yes, we may end up with american radar base but 70% people don't want it and I am a pacifist". (of course "I am a pacifist" has limits... certain nationalities ask why I am wearing mercedes symbols).

I don't think I should be doing this. Who cares I have some political opinions? I don't have to apologize for it. I came to them after conclusion. People have theirs. Same with religion, eating, shoes, travelling... I don't owe anybody an explanation.

(I gotten into this problem here with explaining the whole med-free thing... and I think it's okay to speak my mind without inserting an obligatory sentense of "I know psychiatry helped many..." and other buffer statements).

So I am really gonna try to be more assertive. I am a good person, don't do anything immoral (my liking women did not wreck the economy or kill anybody). I am not abusing the welfare system, breaking laws or passivelly supporting the evil. I don't need to explain why I do this and that. I am not doing anything wrong and if it!s wrong... then it's to my harm only.

I need to do this for myself.

That was hilarious.
And I'm the same way. It's terrible. I get nervous and start babbling - explaining myself when no one needs to know.
I just have to bite my tongue and leave some space and gauge the existing situation. That can take so long that people walk away, but I guess it's better than babbling!

Atta girl!

Venus,

While I definitely see your point in all the other examples, in this particular example, may I offer an alternative viewpoint?

Maybe the older guy was misguided in his attempt at hitting on a pretty young woman. Maybe he thought that asking you about the location of XY would get him somewhere (bold part 1 above), and when it did not get him anywhere with you, he quickly came up with an explanation (bold part 2 above) behind his inquiry (bold part 1 above, again).

If that was the case, you expended too much energy telling him about sustainable development - you could have simply smiled and batted your eyelashes.

Granted, I have never, unfortunately, been to Prague, so this is just a pure conjecture based on observing older guys and young women in US, Canada, Germany, and Russia.

Could be, Hamster... I still took it as a bad thing. Being mall rat who knows the place so well she can give instructions is bad thing in my eyes. So hence why I felt I need to show that it's not so, I am here by mistake... so on.

i'm with you. I feel like I have to justify everything I say and do at work and around my husband's family because they are so judgmental. I know I should just not care what they think but when it comes to my job or my parenting I'm already so unsure of myself that i can't take the judgement and have to explain everything.

I guess we just have to be confident enough to say to ourselves 'who cares what they think!' I haven't felt that way in a long time!