[Darth Bane]

It all started when i couldnt maintain my sleep schedule. I need at least 8 hours sleep. at first i couldnt sleep on time, slept at 3 a.m. instead of normal 1 a.m. two days went like this,then for next two days i couldn't sleep till 5 a.m. as result barely slept 5-6 hours, but still felt normal. but yesterday was worse, a small incident happened, nothing i would have cared much if i was all right, but i was on edge and it was 8.44 a.m. when finally i could sleep.

It's not the sleep or dreams i have problems with. it's those 10 minutes after i close my eyes to go to sleep. horrible images dance in front of my eyes. i think i am afraid of those 10 minutes that's why i don't want to sleep. or perhaps sleep deprivation makes me little manic, if feels great as long as i am awake or it is something else.

anyway last month has been one of the best in 2-3 years. But these three days are worse. i think i am alright but that depression, it always starts like this. there was shopping spree. few days ago suddenly i realized i am still using lot of things which remind me of my depression in last 2-3 years. i realized i am still using same sandals for 2 years i didn't want to use those anymore. i thought they don't looked horrible, why didn't i buy new ones ? where was my head ? it was night when i realized this and i actually wanted to hide my sandals so i dont have to even look at them. so i bought new sandals online, i was almost going to buy blue suede/nubuck shoes instead, just because i don't have blue colored shoes. anyway just month ago i had bought suede shoes, so somehow i managed to stop myself from buying those shoes. it was too late at night so i went to sleep. i woke up next morning first thing i did was to check that site again. i needed to buy something more, i realized i don't have ankle high socks so bought them. again i realized i don't have camel colored suede polish for my month old shoes so i bought it. i also bought two more things that day. yesterday i didn't buy anything but realized i am using same wallet for 2 years, i searched new wallet online ,was going to buy it, but it had one compartment less than my current one so skipped it. i saw green,red colored belts on site normally you don't get much colors for guys belts so i added all these things to wish list. today i opened eBay and ordered one skull ring, one snake ring minutes before stating to write this thread.

i think this shopping spree is because of depression. maybe shopping gives serotonin rush and that's why i am doing it again and again. anyway i need to sleep at least on 3 a.m. today but since i slept at 9 a.m. yesterday i doubt i could sleep before 6-7 a.m. I cant move my sleep timing for more than 2 hours. i can stay awake till 11 a.m. but cant sleep at 3 a.m.

So any advice/tricks on how to keep fixed sleeping schedule ??? i need to sleep at 1 a.m. sharp everyday for at least a month. and what you do when there is this shopping urge ??? perhaps i will watch that new iron man movie tomorrow to make me feel good. i really don't need another depressive episode now. but this is how that thing starts !!!

[Cocosurviving]

A lot of what you described are signs of mania: shopping and insomnia.
To get ur sleep on track you'll need ur pdoc to write u a prescription for a sleep aid (I have one). U can use Benadryl til u see ur pdoc.
It's recommended to stay home when ur manic, take a sleep aid and call ur pdoc. I've decided to have my mom hold my bank cards when I'm manic.

[Nessa213]

I sometimes tend to overshop also when I'm depressed (probably, like you mention, because of the serotonin kick), but how you describe it makes it sound a lot like mania. Particularly the insomnia.

For years I took half doses of Nyquil or Tylonol PM to help me keep a regular sleep schedule. But even then, in the midst of an intense episode they rarely helped. They just made me... I don't know... tired but not very sleepy... if that makes sense. You'll need to see a pdoc to get something that would help with severe insomnia. (But by the way, if you DO happen to find an over the counter sleeping pill that helps, let me know!)

As Coco suggested, giving your cards to someone else for the time being would be a good move. Also, remember to go into your online store accounts and delete all the info while you're still in a good frame of mind to do so.

[~Christina]

Sounds like Mania to me also..

Lack of sleep usually leads to Mania.

Only you know how you feel. You might want to contact your Pdoc and see what he/see advises.

Good luck

[Darth Bane]

thanks for the replies cocosurviving,~Christina and Nessa213

i wish it was just mania, i didn't write all the symptoms in first post. there are too many negative thoughts in my head. After months i thought about cyanide yesterday and that was the clue for depression. if i ever want to do sui it is one of the easily available option for me. also there was little bit of social anxiety which comes with depression,but today was way better and i think it will be just that one week of depression/mixed thing. 3 days of low followed by 3 days of recovery period.

by the way i still bought from eBay today. it is very hard to resist 54% discount! i don't buy too costly things in my shopping spree phase. i have learned my lessons from my first shopping spree which lasted for month like this!

so i am feeling OK, slept 8 hours undisturbed, i had headache for 3 hours but now it is gone, hopefully tomorrow will be better.

[Darth Bane]

As Coco suggested, giving your cards to someone else for the time being would be a good move. Also, remember to go into your online store accounts and delete all the info while you're still in a good frame of mind to do so

they have done that facebook thing. you dont need to have account you log in using facebook, and they automatically create temporary account for you, so basically with just one click you are in. and i remember choosing option no net-banking when opening account since i didn't want to do online shopping. but when i got card i tried to use it online and it totally works. these banks want customers to spend their money using the cards so...

[BlueInanna]

Maybe a mixed episode... you can feel so overwhelmed and sleep depreived and racing thoughts enough to make you want to... "you know".

Comfort shopping maybe, like I do comfort eating... hard to stop sometimes!

Try to be gentle on yourself, tell your self nice things, like you just need some comfort.

I ho[pe it passes quickly - that's another thing to tell yourself - this is an episode and it will pass. Get with doc if you can for something to help you get back on sleep schedule.