[HabitualQuitter]

I've seen these two drugs in a lot of signatures here. I used to take klonopin before the episode this January. I've found that no one will Rx it to me again. Im hoping the pdoc I see 5/14 will help. I've recently gone down to 400mg Seroquel before bed instead of 1000mg. The side effects were unbearable. Idk if 400mg is a therapeutic dose or not but I went to sleep without a brick on my chest or restless legs for the first time in months. 1000mg at bedtime is excessive. I got my hands on .5klonopin and 1mg xanax today and I am feeling less anxiety just knowing I have these as a go to. I currently have nothing for anxiety so these two drugs should dramatically improve my social anxiety or even allow me to take a higher dose of Seroquel and fall asleep before the side effects of feeling like Im drowning kick it. I really hope this pdoc writes something for me. It's very hard to be on all these damn meds and feel like everything I take works against be with regard to side effects but with no benefits. My sister even said she's only seen me decline since the episode and taking these meds. There's been q big change, but it's just negative. Its like all the healing I went through the past 5 years, the counseling, the personal growth, all the work I did just got thrown in the trash. I feel like I am back at square one, me a hot mess, short tempered, short fused, unable to cope. Im so happy to have xanax and klonopin right now! Its only 1mg xanax and .5 klonopin. But I have no fast acting right when you need it type of meds. I see a lot of you do have these. I still don't understand why my original pdoc wrote the Restoril (benzo) and not klonopin (which I had taken in the past - rx'd by her) or another benzo.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by HabitualQuitter

I've seen these two drugs in a lot of signatures here. I used to take klonopin before the episode this January. I've found that no one will Rx it to me again. Im hoping the pdoc I see 5/14 will help. I've recently gone down to 400mg Seroquel before bed instead of 1000mg. The side effects were unbearable. Idk if 400mg is a therapeutic dose or not but I went to sleep without a brick on my chest or restless legs for the first time in months. 1000mg at bedtime is excessive. I got my hands on .5klonopin and 1mg xanax today and I am feeling less anxiety just knowing I have these as a go to. I currently have nothing for anxiety so these two drugs should dramatically improve my social anxiety or even allow me to take a higher dose of Seroquel and fall asleep before the side effects of feeling like Im drowning kick it. I really hope this pdoc writes something for me. It's very hard to be on all these damn meds and feel like everything I take works against be with regard to side effects but with no benefits. My sister even said she's only seen me decline since the episode and taking these meds. There's been q big change, but it's just negative. Its like all the healing I went through the past 5 years, the counseling, the personal growth, all the work I did just got thrown in the trash. I feel like I am back at square one, me a hot mess, short tempered, short fused, unable to cope. Im so happy to have xanax and klonopin right now! Its only 1mg xanax and .5 klonopin. But I have no fast acting right when you need it type of meds. I see a lot of you do have these. I still don't understand why my original pdoc wrote the Restoril (benzo) and not klonopin (which I had taken in the past - rx'd by her) or another benzo.

You might want to not keep making changes in your meds before you see the pdoc -I know the appointment must seem far away, but he/she I think would be the best person to titrate your Seroquel, decide whether benzo's and which would be best for you, etc. It took a while, but you finally have an appointment, so I would try and hold off and look forward to getting things sorted out with his/her help.

Are you still in counseling? You said you had made great strides before, I'm sorry you feel like you're starting over again. Hopefully the pdoc can sort out the meds and a counselor can help you with other issues.

Good luck!

[HabitualQuitter]

Yeh, I see a T every Monday where I pay $35 to cry for an hour. I went to 3 diff ER's to get help. No one would help me so they really left me with no choice but to tweak the meds/doses myself.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by HabitualQuitter

Yeh, I see a T every Monday where I pay $35 to cry for an hour. I went to 3 diff ER's to get help. No one would help me so they really left me with no choice but to tweak the meds/doses myself.

I know it's been a long haul, but what I mean is that you did finally get an appointment with a pdoc, you're finally going to get the help you need. I'm just suggesting that you wait a little longer until your appointment to make med changes. You just have to wait a little longer, but meanwhile you could really mess yourself up, given that you're not stable, with all of these med changes.

[HabitualQuitter]

I just can't sit paralyzed, drowning in bed another night. If the pdoc wants to confirm the original pdocs Dx, I'll entertain it. But at this point I don't trust the diagnosing pdoc or the med regimen she's put me on.

[wildflowerchild25]

HQ, you sound a lot like me when I was first dx'ed. I was called bipolar and borderline as well. I was PISSED AS HELL. I didn't take any meds like I was supposed to. I hated all doctors and all programs, but I also felt addicted to the attention of my therapist. I was terrified of being well because I had been sick for so long I didn't know who I would be without my illness as my identity. I also thought no one would ever love me or pay attention to me unless I was crazy.

i'm not saying that's where you're at, just saying that was me. You seem very angry at being diagnosed and then hung out to dry.

Just be careful...you could do more harm than anything. i realize you don't want to feel like crap on the meds but it is dangerous to just mess around.

I spent a year trying to destroy myself in every way possible. I hope you see that you're worth all this struggle :-)

<3