[ultramar]

Hi guys,

This is a link to an article on PC about losing one's 'self' in the midst of mental illness and its treatment. It's also a nice introduction to a truly moving and beautifully written article in the New York Times Magazine by a woman with bipolar disorder --I think it's the most eloquent piece I've ever read on bipolar, brought tears to my eyes. And the very fact itself that she wrote it, and how deeply and beautifully she expresses herself after so many years of struggling with this... I don't know, it gives me hope. I'm going through a hard time right now and really needed this --hope it helps you guys as well.

The link to the New York Times piece is at the end of the PC article.

Where is the Self in Treatment of Mental Disorders?

[Cocosurviving]

Thx for the info

[Trippin2.0]

Thank you for sharing Ultramar

[~Christina]

Thanks for sharing

Thank you for sharing, but this is some depressive reading.

[sugahorse1]

I too can sometimes find myself getting so caught up in BP that I neglect the opportunity to live life

Yeah, I can get that way too. but I have a lot of anger, and it really shines through during the times that I feel lost. It gives me that kick in the butt to get off of my butt and start living again and to just accept and forget about all of my diagnosis' and put them out of my mind, to just deal with the hand I have been dealt and move on.

if it wasn't for anger, I don't think I would have made it through to this point in my life lol.

[emgreen]

Thanks for posting this, ultramar...& for writing your piece, DocJohn. One sentence I took away from the NYT piece is:

Some thought that what he calls “illness identity,” which manifests in some patients as overidentifying with their mental disorder, was a topic of lesser importance in the face of other serious symptoms that patients experience, like cognitive impairment and thoughts of suicide.

Although I consider myself fortunate to have a pdoc who's a good fit, & whom I trust, the list of questions she asks in our 20 minute sessions always deal with symptoms, not self. As DocJohn pointed out, this tends to be a fairly standard practice in the field.

On my good days, I don't let BP define me; however, when depressed or self-absorbed I find myself wondering how different my life might have been had I not been BP. This is pointless conjecture I sometimes allow myself to wallow in, rather than accepting it as a part of my identity. A more healthy perspective would be to accept my foibles as a part of my identity & move on.

BP, or not, everyone in this life has their crosses to bear. Pathologizing ourselves is easy to do given the current state of the psychiatric field...not to blame the field itself; we, too, have a responsibility to take stock of our identities as a whole, rather than viewing ourselves only as BP peeps.

Thanks for your piece DocJohn, & for bringing the NYT piece to our attention. If I missed the point altogether, that's OK. I took a lot away from both pieces...& it's made me think about trying on a "new set of glasses" where my BP & my identity are concerned.

[faerie_moon_x]

I often feel I'm losing myself and mostly I feel like it's because I have no treatment. I just feel like I"m caught in a whirlpool that is slowly dragging me down. I keep passing the same rocks over and over, but every time I pass I'm a little deeper. I often wonder what's going to happen when I can't see out over the edge any more, or if somehow it will stop before that happens.

[Darth Bane]

i read the article. and i kind of agree with author. but this losing self it might not be all because of meds. i am currently not taking any meds. still when i think about my current personality, sympathy about nihilism, less ambition, the old me would have hated current me !

One of the best articles I've read on this forum. Thanks so much.

The loss of oneself in psychiatric treatment is a real threat to our sanity,
I think. The slamming of the door to creativity as this lady expresses is
a real experience for some of us, and I know exactly what she's talking
about. It does take time to recover the self.

Recovery of the self is the major reason that I went on a journey to get to the bottom of what was happening to me on psychotropic medications.
Hence, the changes in diet, eliminating the things that are known to cause depression, adding the things that stabilize blood alkalinity, and
reducing medications to the lowest possible dosage that kept a good
balance were all part of the effort.

I've written so much about it, but would hope that some have begun
to do their own research on these matters.

I would begin with going to sites with answers to such questions as

"Are there foods which cause depression?"

"Benfits of the vitamin B series"

"Benefits of lemon juice"

"Acid-reacting foods"

"Alkaline-reacting foods"

"What are exorphins"

Those will lead serious people on a challenge to correct the diet which
has gone far astray from the best chemistry of the brain.

Thanks very much for this post. I intend to go back later and read
the artist's full explanation of how she managed to get her self back.

[ultramar]

Although it briefly alludes to it, I don't think the article is focusing on over-identifying with the illness. It's more of an existential exploration, I think, though very concrete in some ways as well. How her episodes, hospitalizations, and their aftermath, the medications, the mental healthcare system, have affected her role as a mother, a wife, and her confusion as to what and who she is underneath all of this. The confusion when coming out of the fog of her episodes, who is she beneath and beyond all of this. How doctors focus on symptoms and treatment and not the person -the whole person- sitting in front of them.

I don't know, maybe I need to re-read it, though.

I've gone through relatively long periods of being well. But when I come out of an episode, I wonder to what extent that person, thinking those things, feelings those things, doing those things, is me -because it doesn't feel like it, and it's so confusing. At my worst, during episodes, I've had this terrifying feeling of separating from myself, like someone or something else takes over. Sometimes I feel like, each time, a little more of me is chipped away.

Maybe part of the challenge is finding ways to integrate all of the different parts of ourselves, all of our different selves -which may be a challenge for people in general, but for us, maybe it's a bit harder or in any case different; we need to integrate these experiences (episodes, medication effects) into ourselves and our lives, and manage to celebrate and strengthen the parts of ourselves -the many aspects of ourselves- that are not touched by the illness, or that live on beside it and beyond it and despite it.

And then, of course, aside from the illness itself, there are the medications. I know some people manage without them, but I need medications to stay well, or well most of the time, that's the way it is, and I'm not ashamed of it. But as far as identity, there is the issue of what I would be like without them -is the tradeoff tenable (meds or no meds), it's not in my case. But I struggle with balancing Seroquel doses (the one med that is increased and decreased depending on what's going on) between keeping me stable, and keeping me myself at the same time. Unfortunately, there's no perfect formula (and no definitive cure, if you believe every expert out there, whether you're taking meds or following a certain diet, or using other modalities of treatment). I'm hoping that the more I get to know myself, how I feel, who I am (through therapy) the better I will be able to find the right balance, for any given time in my life.

Here's to finding and maintaining a strong sense of who we are amidst all the storms!

[Dylanzmama]

Loved this...i've been complaining to docs since my breakdown in 2010 that I've become the opposite of my old self. No goals, nihilist instead of faithful, hateful instead of loving, no hope etc.
Will I ever gt my soul back?

Originally Posted by Dylanzmama

Loved this...i've been complaining to docs since my breakdown in 2010 that I've become the opposite of my old self. No goals, nihilist instead of faithful, hateful instead of loving, no hope etc.
Will I ever gt my soul back?

I went through long years of nihilism and came out on the other end. It was not because my depression lifted that I changed my mind about nihilism, in fact I'm still usually very depressed.

[Anneinside]

I looked up benefits of lemon juice and the top find was budwig center. It listed a lot of uses for lemon juice and about the only ones I can go for is to make your hair shiny and get rid of acne. I worry about all these sites that aren't based on scientific studies, no citations, no information about the author. It makes me very uncomfortable. Too many things on the internet are just opinion, not fact.

[Anneinside]

I couldn't help myself... I read more of the budwig site. Her treatment for all forms of cancer is flaxseed oil combined with cottage cheese!!!!!

[comicgeek007]

Originally Posted by Anneinside

I couldn't help myself... I read more of the budwig site. Her treatment for all forms of cancer is flaxseed oil combined with cottage cheese!!!!!

Well, I guess it's a good thing I like cotage cheese...

[catrules]

oops. I just reposted this article. My thread can be removed. I had not seen this. BTW, the article made me cry for the first time in months. It touched something in me that was apparently closer to the surface than I thought.

[Cocosurviving]

Great story I read the full version.
Linda was dx the same way I was.
Both are docs thought we had depression
(and given antidepressants). After we had
a episode they figured out it was BP.
I'm shocked her doc did not figure the BP
soon. He treated her father and he had BP.

I have no shame and have admitted on threads
before, I feel like I lost myself (the old me)
to BP. I understand that some bp veterans
feel it has consumed them. I'm still fairly
new (less than 1 yr since dx) I'm missing
things I had like a good paying job.
I miss getting invited to events. I miss being
involved in social clubs. Now I
spend my days doing art therapy,
and I'm on a fixed income. A income
that will be running out.

[james70]

thx for sharing great article