Can you relate, do you think I maybe on to something?

Good morning! It's 6:33 on a beautiful Sunday morning in New Mexico, and I want to talk with some of the folks who frequent this section of the forum. So here is the deal. All I can tell you is my mental state is so off kilter half the time I don't know what I am truly feeling I can't make since of my thoughts, and actions. Now over the years 4 or 5 of em (maybe longer my sense off time is shot). I have been trying to figure myself out. I do not have a whole lot of faith in mental health care people in my little town, here are some of the things I have been told could be wrong with me.... Over the years. Social Anxiety Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and PTSD these Dx's have come from therapist and other mental health care professionals. Here is the thing they all never really fit, to me anyway. Now I have friends that have been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, and they always have told that's what they think is the matter with me, and I shrugged it off. Now that I have been clean and sober for a great length of time and have a bit more awareness of my emotions. I am starting to think they were dead on. When I am in a good mood that can last for several weeks.... I rock and roll to bed around 1am 2am somtimes 3am and up at 5:30am or 6am. I think I am just the bee's knees
I get to thinking I'm gonna be a millionaire one day cause of how well I hustle selling cars, smooth fast talker. Then I go shopping! last shopping trip I got 160.00 ray bans, 5 or 6 80.00 shirts, a 200.00 dollar pair of shoes, and another car! yes a car. I really logically can not afford this stuff in the long run, but hey Im gonna be rich one day so who cares. I also find myself very very capable of going sideways at silly stuff, super slow lines at starbucks, people I view as ignorant or trashy, sounds that are annoying and people who talk to me for to long... again silly stuff really. The down side is I get anxiety during these times as well I feel like I am blowing and going to fast racing thought from how I am going to be rich to concerns about death, will I die young, why is it taking me so long to become wealthy, bills, my personal health, and it builds and builds until boom back pain for tension, then neck pain, then tension headaches that make my mind get cloudy and foggy and I get dizzy, and if i am not careful a panic attack comes along... I skip meals like all but one and just chaotic nerve racking energy and anxiety mixed. then something happens I don't know what yet, and I wanna sleep 24 7 and forget the world I wanna be alone, no anxiety about death or any of that cause I just don't care if i die or not blow off work, last time I stayed in bed for three days and did nothing... depression then bang yesterday it kicked back in I am on fire. Up at 5:00 thinking I'll go shopping or go look at another car cause what the heck I can do it all! none of these states last a month or months...and seem to change with out reason. we are talking days to weeks. I never looked into bi-polar because every write up say a euphoric high, but can anxiety come with that.... it's not always euphoric if your so wound up you have panic attacks so I never made the connection. but I have done some research myself and I am starting to think this could be what's been at me all these years... I am going to ask my therapist tomorrow if this could be whats going on I never talk about the upside just the anxiety when I am blowing and going and the depression when I am down.... I don't know anyways for the moment I feel just tops so I am off to enjoy this day, best I can barring snapping at a barista...lol. I know you guys can't make a Dx, but can you relate or am I way off base here?

HI there, welcome to this part of forums

I think yes a lot of us get horrible anxiety and irritability during hypo/mania. For me it feels like panic attack, I get crying spells personally, pdoc says this is not panic attack, it's hypomania.

Worth the discussion with T, hope it goes well

Hello, Fourwalls, and welcome.

Because we're not doctors, we can't diagnose, but I can tell you that, in my opinion,
you have several symptoms that are characteristic of bipolar illness:

1. The spending sprees
2. The high-flying drive to sell, to become rich, etc.
3. The guilt and remorse after realizing you're spending far more than you bring in.
4. The loss of concentration, foggy feeling.
5. Failure to care for yourself properly, i.e., eating one meal a day.
6. Concern about death excessively and depression.

I think you would find seeing a psychiatrist very beneficial. Be honest with your
doctor, because that's really the most significant way he/she has of knowing what
your system is reacting to.

Take care of yourself first.

Hi fourwalls, I'm sorry you're struggling so much, it really sounds like a rollercoaster.

I can see how severe anxiety could mimic hypomania in some ways as anxiety can really rev you up, make you easily distracted, irritable, etc. So since your anxiety is quite severe (from what you describe) it might be hard to parse out what is what. That said, of course you can be bipolar and suffer from a lot of anxiety at the same time.

It sounds like you have a therapist, but do you have a psychiatrist? I think you said you don't trust the clinicians in your town much, maybe you could see a psychiatrist in a nearby city (if there is one) for an evaluation/diagnosis?

It sounds like whatever meds you are on and the therapy aren't helping enough at the moment and you could really use some additional help.

Good luck!

Yes, the high from a manic episode can feel great at first. But like you said, the anxiety kicks in after a while and when your mind an body can't take anymore it shuts down and there's the depression. Sounds just like me and I am bi-polar with anxiety and PTSD to boot! I hope you see someone about this because you can make it better with therapy and prescription drugs. I got tired of the roller coaster and was finally diagnosed in 1996. It was the best thing I ever did!

you nailed it! I felt amazing this morning. then around mid afternoon I was driving down the highway to go look at a car and started get very very terrible feelings. like ice cold feet, sweety palms, dizzy, shaky nasty feelings. I don't know how else to describe it. I started thinking about mortality and other negative things still feeling speedy like the back end of a coke binder... with out the drugs. now I am at home it's about 4:06pm and I just want to put my pj's on and sleep... I still have a headache I feel warn down physically my mind is still racing though. and it on and on day in day out like that unless I get really depressed then I just shut myself in my room and give up. It's like a constant cycle of this and then pulling yourself up by your boot straps and getting back to it.

I am on no meds, my therapist is new, Monday will be my third visit with him. his card says MA LPCC what does that mean? is this not the right kind of person to be talking to?

i think irritibillity needs to go die.

it is the worst state to be in, irritibillity sucks

Hi FourWalls. I am not reading so well today, but I agree with this statement. I have dysphoric mania, which is irritability to the max. I also have GAD on top of it, so irritable and anxious all the time.

MA means he has a masters degree in the arts.
LPC Lisenced Professional Counselor.

He is the right person to talk to for therapy. But you need to go to a psychiatrist if you want meds for bipolar. I'm not sure if therapist can diagnose bp or not - I've heard some types can. But only the pdoc gives psych meds.

I don't think I'm going out on a limb. BIPOLAR. If anyone has read Dr. Kaye Redfield Jamisons 'An Unquiet Mind', her memoir about her mania and madness, it's all there; the spending sprees, getting by on a few hours sleep, the dozens of ideas crowding her brain, then the crash, the crippling depression. I'm with everyone else here; see a psychiatrsit or go to a university hospital and seek out a psychiatrist that specializes in mood disorders. Don't try to guess or play games with yourself or self treat. You need medical attention and if you need to be hospitalized, DO IT. It saved my life.

We can give feedback, but we can't diagnose here. A bipolar diagnosis is no simple thing and really needs to be done by a professional. I really think you need to get re-evaluated. It sounds like you've received different diagnoses over time, maybe you can see a new psychiatrist (especially now, as you say, that you're more aware of your emotions) and start from scratch, as far as figuring out what is going on.

What you're experiencing might be bipolar, might not. I would really encourage you to see someone who can diagnose you and get you on a med regimen that will help you.

Good luck!